If You Are Reading This, I Have Already Pooped

[.::DuD3::. 10+ year member]

No a courtesy flush is similar, but not quite the same. According to urban dictionary, it can be anything from a flush to reduce the noise of you pooping, to flushing the uflushed toilets in a public restroom before embarking on your own poop.
But mine is a flush that eradicates 95% of odor, by synchonizing the poop with the flush, so that there is no time between the poop and the flush to release its aroma.

I call it, "The Jedi Flush"...

but then you have to flush twice correct? unless you are a jedi wiper as well.

 

[phantom240 5,000+ posts]

but then you have to flush twice correct? unless you are a jedi wiper as well.

I havent mastered the jedi wipe yet. And no, its not always 2 flushes, ever have the squirts that come in waves? Yeah, then you start to use a lot of water!

 

[iceteebone 5,000+ posts]

fire in the hole

 

[.::DuD3::. 10+ year member]

I havent mastered the jedi wipe yet. And no, its not always 2 flushes, ever have the squirts that come in waves? Yeah, then you start to use a lot of water!

yeah the jedi wipe is a pretty hard technique to master.

 

[phantom240 5,000+ posts]

Indeed.

 

[.::DuD3::. 10+ year member]

now what about the force. how does that play into all this.

 

[bdawson72 5,000+ posts]

lawl

 

[iceteebone 5,000+ posts]

may the force be with you. squeeze and contract, deep breaths

 

[.::DuD3::. 10+ year member]

well i hope the force is with me for the next 4 1/2 minutes.

 

[SuperTrooper 10+ year member]

True story here. My wife is not a good cook, trust me, she's not! When my wife is in the shitter ( usually when I'm in the shower, biotch ) I tell her, how about mixing a little water with that recipe.

Then she gets all pissed, because she know I'm referring to her cooking. Then she uses one of my own comebacks on me. Well if you took a healthy shitt, there would be nothing left but a pile of hair.//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/blackeye.gif.66a1670f5aaf7f406e783a63e3387dc5.gif

Now you all know what goes on in the master bathroom in my household. //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/uhoh.gif.c07307dd22ee7e63e22fc8e9c614d1fd.gif

 

[phantom240 5,000+ posts]

now what about the force. how does that play into all this.

Funny you should ask. My buddy David takes forever to shit. Every time we need to go to work or whatever and he needs to shit, we're like 30 minutes late. I keep telling him "You can't just let gravity take it. Ya gotta powershit!"

Powershitting (or using "The Force") is when you use every ounce of your might to push the turd out, once it reaches about 1/2" out of the turd cutter. Care must be taken with the jedi noobs out there though, as forcing the wrong muscles can result in quite a painful, yet sunsuccessful, poop. The force must not be in the butthole (where most ppl focus), but in the large intestine. Forcus on the abdoen. Don't worry about opening the butthole, turds are shaped like they are for a reason!

EDIT: Using a successful powershit, or successfully using The Force, you can make a 30+ minute shit into 5 minutes easily.

 

[.::DuD3::. 10+ year member]

//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/laugh.gif.48439b2acf2cfca21620f01e7f77d1e4.gif

 

[luvinthebass 5,000+ posts]

i once took a shit after eatin Taco Bell onetime and i was in the bathroom at work for a good hour or so, lol i put up a sign after that said "do not attempt to go near the bathroom as the fumes will make you wanna run" the boss didn't find that 2 funny //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/crap.gif.7f4dd41e3e9b23fbd170a1ee6f65cecc.gif

 

[dkguitarist 5,000+ posts]

i just took a very nice 20 minute poop.

and yes i use "The Force" ALOT. I usually spend 30 minutes+ in the bathroom. especially after eating rich food (taco hell, mcdonald's, barbeque, etc).

i hate when you have the runs. those are THE WORST. just like pissing out of your butthole and it reeks real bad. and stings. and makes very loud flatulence (sp?) noises.

 

[SuperTrooper 10+ year member]

I must say, this is a shitty thread.