i has a joke.

[CrispedUp 10+ year member]

Did you guys hear about the kidnapping?

He woke up.

 

[HeadCase 10+ year member]

A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly-tailored black suit.

The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the blonde mortician a blank check and she says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.

She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I' m very grateful. How much did you spend?' To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.

'There's no charge,' she says.

'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.

'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'

'So I just switched the heads.'

(BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING !!)

 

[tEh koRnDog 5,000+ posts]

A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly-tailored black suit.
The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the blonde mortician a blank check and she says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.

She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I' m very grateful. How much did you spend?' To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.

'There's no charge,' she says.

'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.

'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'

'So I just switched the heads.'

(BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING !!)

meh

 

[slam 5,000+ posts]

what did the Indian say when his dog ran away..........

Dog gone

 

[galacticmonkey 5,000+ posts]

what did the Indian say when his dog ran away..........



























Dog gone

No more from you.

 

[slam 5,000+ posts]

yeah i suk at telling jokes

 

[DBBOOM 10+ year member]

Man calls his boss before work and says "Im sick, cant come in today". Boss says "You're not sick, get to work." Man says "Im sick, i can't." Boss says, "OK if you're so sick...........whats wrong?" Man says "Im in bed fucking my sister." Boss says, "KEEP YOU"RE SICK *** AT THE HOUSE!"

 

[yne721 10+ year member]

what happened to the indian that drank too much tea

he drowned in his tea-pee

 

[Rashaddd 5,000+ posts]

//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/laugh.gif.48439b2acf2cfca21620f01e7f77d1e4.gif @ db

 

[cajun_duck 10+ year member]

Women are like a deck of cards. You need a heart to love them, a diamond to marry them, a club to bash their f****n heads in, and a spade to bury them.

 

[alove_85 10+ year member]

What did cinderella do when she got to the ball?

Choked

 

[alove_85 10+ year member]

What's a belly button for?

A place to stash your gum on the way down.

 

[alove_85 10+ year member]

How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?

Pick it up and give it a blowjob

 

[kaimana 10+ year member]

So i'm eating this chicks *** out right...really going at it...like it's my last meal or something...Well half way through she looks down at me and asks "Why don't you eat my ***** like that?". So I says, "Cause you ***** taste like shit."

Whats the biggest pickup line in a gay bar?

May i push in your stool...

 

[SHOnOFF 10+ year member]

Two friends were in a bar drinking a beer when one pulled out a cigar but he didn't have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one.

"I sure do," he replied and reached into his pocket and pulled out a 10 inch Bic lighter.

"Wow!" said his friend, "where did you get that monster."

"I got it from my genie."

"You have a genie?" he asked.

"Yes, he's right here in my pocket."

"Could I see him?"

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a very small genie.The friend says, "I'm a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?"

"Yes I will," the genie said so he asks him for a million bucks and the genie hops back into his master's pocket and leaves the man standing there waiting for his million bucks.

About this time, a duck walks into the bar followed by another. Then more ducks come pouring in. Before long the entire bar has ducks everywhere. The friend tells his buddy, "What is going on here, I asked for a million bucks not ducks!"

He answers, "I forgot to tell you the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked him for a 10 inch Bic?"