Relationship advice please

[KARLEON 10+ year member]

Ok lets see if you guys know relationships like you do audio...

Basically, i been with my girl well ex girlfriend for 4.5 years. In my opinion, thats a long time. Recently we broke up. Im not going to lie, things was not good at all. We fused all the time. And it was mainly about little stuff. And i feel like the break up was soooooo stupid. But there was some big issues we also had, and i basically felt like i was holding up the relationship by myself and i didnt think that was fair. I felt like she made alot of decisions that wasnt the best for our relationship but i would find some way to blame myself because i hated just blaming no one but her. It made it seem like i was just puttin everything on her. And now that im not with her, i dont see how it wasnt ALL on her. I guess i was tryna play the good boyfriend role and make it seem like it was something we both could do, when in actuality it was just her. But i guess im stuck on the 4.5 years thing. I felt like i invested soooooo much into that relationship and i have nothing to show for it. So i guess i just want opinions what should i try to get back with her and make things better, or do you think its better just to stay apart. As i said, things werent good at all, but i felt like they could be better if she started making those decisions that was in good interest of our relationship.

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[Gauntlet 5,000+ posts]

Do not get back with her under any circumstances. That's pretty much all the advice I can give....ya live and learn.

 

[KARLEON 10+ year member]

Wow, i was going to ask why do you suggest that, but in a way i kinda see why. Just a lil bit more info. we have had problems in the past, and i met another girl and we had a lil something going. Well, she has been my friend but its never been nothing more. Well, things happened and we were really tight. But my ex came back into my life and i basically dropped the other girl like a bad habit. A couple months down the line, im in the same position again. And to my surprise, even though i done my friend wrong, she is still here for me. In my opinion, that says alot and i let her know that. So now we are cool again. But i still feel like my ex has a piece of me, and i dont know if i should continue to try and make this work or go along with this new girl. But im still curious, what make you feel like i just dont need to try and make things work. Oh and thanks for replying

 

[EarDrummin. 10+ year member]

Every breakup leaves a piece of you, but you collectively gain it back with time. Keep in mind, she's not the only girl that can leave that gurgly feeling in the bottom of your stomach, plenty of other girls can do it to. //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/smile.gif.1ebc41e1811405b213edfc4622c41e27.gif

Like Gauntlet said, you live and learn. I wasted a year of my life living with my girlfriend, I can't say I didn't gain anything from it, because I know not to do that again for a long, long time.

 

[KARLEON 10+ year member]

Yea i guess so. I dont know, i feel like im about to change. Like before i knew what it takes to keep a strong relationship, and i feel like i pretty much done that. But now i feel like saying bump tryin to make other people happy and start trying to make myself happy. I dont know, i guess the way this whole thing went down has made me change as a person. Far as how i view alot of things. Like no matter what you do to make someone happy, theres nothing you can do to keep that person. and i always felt like if i treated the girl that i love like a queen, then i would have nothing to worry about. I guess i had to find out that wasnt true the hard way.

 

[davidfre21 5,000+ posts]

I felt like i invested soooooo much into that relationship and i have nothing to show for it. .

could be worst, u coulda ended up wit a kid and all that fun baggage

 

[KARLEON 10+ year member]

could be worst, u coulda ended up wit a kid and all that fun baggage

True............

 

[Breogan24 10+ year member]

Good luck with whatever you decide. I have been with my girl for 4 yrs. I just turned 23, so as you can imagine at this age it's tough(especially with all that tempataion out there)

Well like yourself we often fought about really stupid sh#t. One day (about 3 months ago), i got fed up and told her to leave. After that i really regreted it. You see the toughest part is getting over her. It's true that nothing gets you over the last, like the next. But you have to decide if you want a next, or stay with the last. There were things about her i couldn't stand. But i thought about it, and really came to this conclusion: You have to accept her for what she is. Is she worth keeping despite what you don't like about her? I mean maybe there are bad things about her, but what about the good things? I don't think you can find someone that is perfect. So I got back with her after a couple of time-out weeks, and things have gotten much better. I have decided that the things i don't like about her, i would have to accept. Of course to a point, and other things we compromised on. Relationships are tough, and I know what you mean about the whole, 4.5 years and have nothing to show for it concept. I feel the same way if I were to end it now. But remember this, you need to be happy. There is only one life, and it is better to quit now, rather than keep dragging it out and be unhappy. Whats worse, 4.5 years or 6 years? Think it through, and only YOU can decide. If people say stay or dump her, don't listen because they are not there to see the big picture. Maybe some local free counceling can help you guys. AGain, good luck //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/smile.gif.1ebc41e1811405b213edfc4622c41e27.gif

 

[KARLEON 10+ year member]

Good luck with whatever you decide. I have been with my girl for 4 yrs. I just turned 23, so as you can imagine at this age it's tough(especially with all that tempataion out there)Well like yourself we often fought about really stupid sh#t. One day (about 3 months ago), i got fed up and told her to leave. After that i really regreted it. You see the toughest part is getting over her. It's true that nothing gets you over the last, like the next. But you have to decide if you want a next, or stay with the last. There were things about her i couldn't stand. But i thought about it, and really came to this conclusion: You have to accept her for what she is. Is she worth keeping despite what you don't like about her? I mean maybe there are bad things about her, but what about the good things? I don't think you can find someone that is perfect. So I got back with her after a couple of time-out weeks, and things have gotten much better. I have decided that the things i don't like about her, i would have to accept. Of course to a point, and other things we compromised on. Relationships are tough, and I know what you mean about the whole, 4.5 years and have nothing to show for it concept. I feel the same way if I were to end it now. But remember this, you need to be happy. There is only one life, and it is better to quit now, rather than keep dragging it out and be unhappy. Whats worse, 4.5 years or 6 years? Think it through, and only YOU can decide. If people say stay or dump her, don't listen because they are not there to see the big picture. Maybe some local free counceling can help you guys. AGain, good luck //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/smile.gif.1ebc41e1811405b213edfc4622c41e27.gif

Awww man, i know what you are talking about. I mean, im not going to take anyones opinion just because they said so. I guess i wanted to vent and need opinions. But its like, i feel like in a relationship you cant get exactly what you want. Especially if both of you differ. So you need to compromise. But she doesnt want to compromise. And she has done things and said things in the past, that has affected how i feel about certain things. And she gets mad at me for it. And im like, how u going to get mad at me when you are the whole reason why i feel this way. And we argue constantly over stuff like that. I dont know, i just need to do some serious thinking

 

[Breogan24 10+ year member]

And she has done things and said things in the past, that has affected how i feel about certain things. And she gets mad at me for it. And im like, how u going to get mad at me when you are the whole reason why i feel this way. And we argue constantly over stuff like that. I dont know, i just need to do some serious thinking

I guess i was in a similar spot, my biggest complaint about my girl was that she was soooo **** irresponsible with everything, school, work, etc.. I know she couldn't help it, that's just the way she is. I know what a beautiful person she is, but she wasn't raised any better. So i would always get on her case, "did you do this", "when will you finish that" etc... Kind of nagging. I mean I did it because i wanted her to improve. But that led us to argue, because she does not want to be told what to do, and i would get pissed because she was not carrying her weight around. So I decided to let her be and just accept that is how she is. We have TOTALLY different upbringings, and i had to decide what was most important.

 

[Gauntlet 5,000+ posts]

Awww man, i know what you are talking about. I mean, im not going to take anyones opinion just because they said so. I guess i wanted to vent and need opinions. But its like, i feel like in a relationship you cant get exactly what you want. Especially if both of you differ. So you need to compromise. But she doesnt want to compromise. And she has done things and said things in the past, that has affected how i feel about certain things. And she gets mad at me for it. And im like, how u going to get mad at me when you are the whole reason why i feel this way. And we argue constantly over stuff like that. I dont know, i just need to do some serious thinking

You shouldn't have to actively compromise, it should develop naturally. If you find yourself questioning her and trying to reach a happy medium in the way both of you live your lives in order to attain a desired level of satisfaction, it will never work out the way you hope. When it's real, you'll know it, and you won't have any doubts. You even making this thread is all the proof you need to not go back to her.

 

[nosaj070 10+ year member]

My only question is what do you want to show for it? A wedding ring? You're only 18, be happy you lasted four years in highschool, thats a long time, now hop around and take advantage of highschool, have fun, try out some other girls, and I think you'll forget about her faster than you think.

 

[Gauntlet 5,000+ posts]

God da*n....you're 18 and you had one relationship last nearly 5 years? I'm 22 and I haven't had one last over a year....I just get bored easily. There's too many people out there to settle for one when you're still young.

 

[alove_85 10+ year member]

You shouldn't have to actively compromise, it should develop naturally. If you find yourself questioning her and trying to reach a happy medium in the way both of you live your lives in order to attain a desired level of satisfaction, it will never work out the way you hope. When it's real, you'll know it, and you won't have any doubts. You even making this thread is all the proof you need to not go back to her.

right there is probably your answer, exactly how I feel about my girl. If I didnt feel the way I feel about my girl I wouldn't be with her.....but like gauntlet said, when its real, you'll know it.

 

[KARLEON 10+ year member]

I thank all of you for replying and giving me advice. And pretty much, its over. Its weird how things just went down. But its over and i just hung up the phone with her for the final time