I agree with the point SM is trying to make even in his crazy blunt ways of wording lol.
I will admit I am a religious person and when things get really bad for me, it's really all I lean on but, some ppl just don't see it like that and cramming it down his throat doesn't help....especially when he's hurting like so. There's an appropriate time for everything and an appropriate way to go about it.
What I can say to u Disturbed is to get those crazy thoughts out of your head of ******* and all and use this a chance to get your life on track like you seem to want to. The night is darkest right before the dawn, but, you have to be willing to do your part in "brightening" your life. No one is saying not to grieve that'd be stupid to say. But, don't let this ruin you. You are stronger than that bro. If u ever feel like u have nothing to be thankful for, look in the mirror, you're still alive. Life is a gift from whomever u give the credit to. Make the best of it, and when things get rough, take it as a chance to become a stronger man.
You'll pull through man. Stay strong. Lots of ppl are here for u, and probably have never even met u. I know I sure haven't. That means something bro....