Got Jokes? Post'em here!

[Captain_Ahab 5,000+ posts]

Little Johnny and his neighbor, Suzy, are playing in the hone day, when Johnny gets this great idea. "Let's take turns sliding down the banister rail!" he suggests.
"Oh no," answers Suzy, "That's way too scary!"

"No, it's not. It'll be fun!" says little Johnny as he proceeds to the top of the stairs. The banister rail is long and very smooth, with a large, beautiful, marble ball at its base. Johnny climbs on and down he goes, squealing with excitement as he goes. He jumps off just before he gets to the bottom of the rail and the marble ball.

"That was great," he screams. "Come on, Suzy, you try now."

Suzy still isn't quite sure that this is such a good idea. "No," she says, "it looks too scary."

"No, it's not!" exclaims little Johnny, and away he goes again to the top of the stairs. He climbs onto the rail, and down he goes again, having just as much fun as he did the first time. Again jumps off just before he gets to the bottom of the rail and the marble ball.

Finally, after much persuasion, Suzy agrees to give it a try. She climbs to the top of the stairs, then straddles the rail, and slowly lets go with her hands. Down she goes, a lot faster than she expected. right into the marble ball below. Suzy starts to cry and almost falls off the banister rail.

Little Johnny notices that Suzy is crying and holding her private parts in shear agony. "Maybe you'd better let me see," he suggests.

Suzy lifts her little dress and pulls down her panties.

Suddenly, little Johnny's face goes pale white. "Oh, no!" he shouts. "This is horrible. you knocked *it* right off!"

Thats my favorite.

 

[CRAZYCORNUTS18 10+ year member]

A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. "****, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die."

As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms.

While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you ****?"

"No!" she shrieked, aghast.

So, he dropped her.

As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her. "Do you screw?" he asked.

"Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself.

He dropped her, too.

The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. "I ****! I screw!" she screamed in panic.

"sluut!" he said, and dropped her.

 

[yne721 10+ year member]

so this guy walks into a bar, and spends his last 3 dollars on a glass of beer. as soon as he gets his beer, he has to go to the bathroom but doesn't want to take it with him, but doesn't trust that someone won't take it, so he grabs a napkin and wrote "don't drink this beer i spit in it." so he goes to the bathroom, and comes back and sees on the napkin someone wrote underneath it "so did I"

 

[CRAZYCORNUTS18 10+ year member]

A blonde and a red head were walking along a path in a park. The red head turns to the blonde and says, " poor thing look at the dog with one eye."

The blonde covers one of her eyes and says "where?"

 

[CRAZYCORNUTS18 10+ year member]

11 people were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest.

10 were blondes, one was a brunette. As a group they decided that one of the party must let go. If that didn't happen the rope would break and everyone would perish.

For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered.

Finally, the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she would sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others.

The blondes applauded.

 

[revrider1 5,000+ posts]

2 prostitutes were walking along one day, one said "today is going to be a good day, I can smell di*k in the air". The other replied "thats just me, I burped!"

 

[CRAZYCORNUTS18 10+ year member]

a blonde is driving down the road she look in a field on her left and see a blonde girl rowing a boat. she stops jumps out and starts to yell "ITS BLONDES LIKE YOU THAT GIVE BLONDES LIKE ME A BAD NAME, AND IF I COULD SWIM I'D GO OVER THERE AND KICK YOUR ***"

 

[Jameseypoo 5,000+ posts]

Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

A: Where's my tractor?

I'm funny.

 

[revrider1 5,000+ posts]

Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
A: Where's my tractor?

I'm funny.

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[Jameseypoo 5,000+ posts]

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[StealthKill 10+ year member]

***.

 

[ballstothewall 10+ year member]

Q: What do you call the brown stuff between elephant's toes?

A: Slow natives.

 

[Rich B 5,000+ posts]

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That’s not surprising," the elders say. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."

 

[SuperTrooper 10+ year member]

Q: What do two lesbians do when their both on the rag?

A: Fingerpaint //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/sick.gif.b1847c8dabbfeeddbcf1a78052249e10.gif

 

[SuperTrooper 10+ year member]

Q: How do you keep a forum full of fegs in suspense?

A: I'll tell ya later.

//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/blackeye.gif.66a1670f5aaf7f406e783a63e3387dc5.gif J/K