docutech
ThomasG
5,000+ posts
CarAudio.com Veteran
Your mom is so fat it effects her self esteem
jmanpc
5,000+ posts
CA.com Nostalgist.
A preacher was up at the podium one Sunday morning, and let me tell you, he was fired up. He said "If I had all the beer in the world, I would dump it in the river!" Later, he said "If I had all the wine in the world, I'd dump it in the river, too!" At the end of his sermon, he said "If I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd dump that in the river as well!"
As the preacher was stepping off the stage, the song leader got up and said, "Everyone turn in your songbooks to number 325, 'Come let us assemble at the river' "
As the preacher was stepping off the stage, the song leader got up and said, "Everyone turn in your songbooks to number 325, 'Come let us assemble at the river' "
Captain_Ahab
5,000+ posts
BUCK FAMA
Two men walk into a bar. The other one ducks.
BassAddictJ
5,000+ posts
CarAudio.com Veteran
"What's the differance between Erotic and Kinky?"
"Erotic is when you use a feather, kinky is when you use the whole god **** chicken".....
"Erotic is when you use a feather, kinky is when you use the whole god **** chicken".....
req
5,000+ posts
am a mod.
i used to work at this mexican resturant. i would do odd jobs for my boss now and again, wax his car, wash his boat. things of that nature. word got around that i broke up with my girlfriend and my boss found out. one day i asked him if he had any side jobs i could take care of, and he thought of something different. he asked me if i could take his daughter out on a date. i thought about it for a second, and i realized the man is rich. he said to me that he would pay for everything, even pay me to take her out on a date. so i jumped at the scenario after he showed me a picture of this beautiful 18 year old girl. friday night rolls around and i drive up to his house to pick her up. i go inside and wait with the boss for a little while when i hear this weird noise. then we go into the entrance room, and down she comes... on a motorized wall chair mounted to the staircase!! she was paraplegic! apparently she got in a car accident when she was a kid and was paralized from the waist down!!! well. i couldnt back out, i was already in deep. fact is - he gave me the keys to his van that could accomidate her. so we went out to the movies, and had a nice dinner, all the while i pushed her around and everything. after the movie we stopped in a park near her house that she requested we visit. it was getting late but we stopped at this picnic table under an oak tree with some low hanging branches. we watched the stars for a few minutes, but out of nowhere we started kissing, she was groping my dick and it was getting intense. she then pulled it out, tore her panties out from under the skirt she was wearing and hopped on my lap and grabbed one of the tree branches and started fucking me right then and there! then i thought holy crap she is freakin paralized - its the boss' daughter. what the hell am i doing - so i finished up and told her that what had happened was wrong, and all that crap. i took her straight home to her house and she was all upset because she thought i was going to date her and we ****ed and i told her off. it was terrible, i had to face her dad. i told him what happened, she was sobbing all over the place and rode upstaris and cried. her dad however... he had the biggest smile on his face. like what i did was good or something. i couldnt figure it out. so i asked him - shouldnt you be mad at me? i just had unprotected *** with your paraplegic daughter on our first date? whats the deal?? and he said to me...
no no! im not mad at all!!! every other guy just left her in that tree.
ZING!
make sure when you tell your friends you act like it is a true story the whole time.
no no! im not mad at all!!! every other guy just left her in that tree.
ZING!
make sure when you tell your friends you act like it is a true story the whole time.
4runnercrazy
10+ year member
Mattchu
why did the pervert cross the road?
his d*ck was stuck in the chicken
how many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
depends on how hard you throw them
whats black blue and floating on the top of a pool?
a beaten dead baby
whats black, red and green and the bottom of the pool
that same baby ten days later
his d*ck was stuck in the chicken
how many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
depends on how hard you throw them
whats black blue and floating on the top of a pool?
a beaten dead baby
whats black, red and green and the bottom of the pool
that same baby ten days later
Slammed
5,000+ posts
Striking Accord
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjSYWuHnxao
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//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/fyi.gif.9f1f679348da7204ce960cfc74bca8e0.gif
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