Well, replacing it with a known working amplifier solved both the hiss and pop with no additional changes, so you decide whether it was my vehicle or install...
Prior to changing out the amplifier, I changed amplifier ground points 3 times, exposing shiny metal each and every time. I changed HU grounds 5 times, ultimately grounding at the same point as the amplifier. Still had noise. Grounded the shields on the RCAs thinking it was a Pioneer pico fuse issue, still had noise. I swapped HUs to a Clarion DXZ785USB, bypassed all previously run wires by wiring directly to the amplifier (power/ground/remote + different RCAs), yep still have hiss and pop. Pulled the RCAs, put a switch between the +12v and remote turn on lead, flip the switch on, pop, flip the switch off, pop. I plugged an iPod directly into the V9, as soon as I applied the slightest of volume, HISSSSSSS. Flip the switch, pop.
I should have just gone with another JL Audio HD900/5 because my last one didn't have problems and I have better faith in JL Audio's customer service department. I never needed it, but it beats the heck out of sending an amp in with noise issues then having it sent back saying that it operates within spec (*cough*, *choke*, PDX-5)...
ETA: Oh well, I just ended up using two spare Lunar Amplifiers that I was thinking about selling. A L450 for the mid and tweet along with a L100x2 bridged to the sub. Sure, they are inefficient class ab amplifiers, but they have no associated noise issues. I feel sorry for my buddy who was going to buy them from me though, lol.