Bring your best jokes...

[Liquid Bass 10+ year member]

AND GOD CREATED CANADA. . . Once upon a time, in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him on the seventh day, resting. He inquired of God, “Where have you been?” God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds. “Look Michael, look what I’ve made.” Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, “What is it?” “It’s a planet,” replied God, “and I’ve put LIFE on it. I’m going to call it EARTH and it’s going to be a great place of balance.” “Balance?” asked Michael, still confused. God began to explain, pointing to different parts of EARTH. “For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while Southern Europe is going to be poor. The Middle East, over there, will be a hot spot. Over there, I’ve placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people.” God continued, pointing to different countries of the Earth. “This one will be extremely hot and arid, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.” The Archangel, impressed by God’s work, then pointed to a large land mass at the top of the Earth and asked, ‘What’s that one?” “Ah,” said God, “that is CANADA, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and an exquisite coastline on both sides. The people from CANADA are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they are going to be found traveling the rest of the world. They’ll be extremely sociable, hard working and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I’m also going to give them superhuman, undefeatable ice hockey players who will be admired and feared by all who come across them.” Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then proclaimed, “What about balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!” God replied wisely. “Wait until you see the loud-mouthed ungrateful bastards I’m putting next to them!”

yea thats why we have to protect your ***** lol.

 

[89montero 10+ year member]

why don't black people dream???
because we killed the only black person that had one

it's: Why do blacks have nightmares?

Because we killed the last one that had a dream.

Pedro, Manuel and Jose have a contest where they jump off a cliff to see who hits the ground first, who wins?

Society

What's the difference between a bench and a Mexican?

A bench can support a family.

A black man lives on the first floor of an apartment complex, a white man on the second and a Mexican on the third, one day a fire erupts in the building burning it to the ground, which man survives?

The white man, he was at work.

Why can't you run over a black kid that's riding a bike?

It's probably your bike.

What do you get at a black man's garage sale?

Your stuff back

Why do Mexicans drive lowriders?

So they can reach the strawberries.

Why do they have hydraulics?

So they can pick the apples

 

[Racerx250 10+ year member]

Jimmy, who at age 72, is a Wal-Mart greeter:

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into Wal-Mart

with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the

entrance.

The Wal-Mart Greeter said pleasantly, "Good morning and welcome

to

Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no, they

ain't. The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you

think they're twins? Are you blind or just stupid?"

"I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am," replied the greeter. "I

just

couldn't believe you got laid twice. Have a good day and thank you for

shopping at Wal-Mart."

 

[Racerx250 10+ year member]

Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married...

(If this does not make you laugh out loud, you have lost your sense of humor.)

The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.'

I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.

Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed three times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another nine times.

I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.

(Even when totally smashed... )

Three cuckoos plus nine cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos--MIDNIGHT!) The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT.'

He didn't seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'

When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, 'oh, shit.' Cuckooed four more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

 

[Racerx250 10+ year member]

A couple from Texas and a couple from the east coast were seated side by side on an airplane.

The girl from Texas , being friendly and all, said, 'So, where ya'll from?'

The east coast girl said, 'From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence.'

The girl from Texas sat quietly for a few moments and then replied: 'So, where ya'll from, *****?'

 

[yne721 10+ year member]

im puerto rican and work 2 full time jobs at the age of 16 =[

best joke i've heard yet

j/k

 

[yne721 10+ year member]

what's the difference between jesus and a picture of jesus?

it only takes one nail to hang a picture.

why can't jesus eat jelly beans?

They keep falling through the holes in his hands.

So this old man walks into a church, and walks up to the clerk and tells her "hey bitch, where do i sign up to be a member of this church" and her jaw drops, and she replies "excuse me sir?" and he answers "you heard me bitch, i want to be a fucking member" to which she replies "excuse me sir but you're in the house of the lord, you can't talk like that in here.'' Getting fed up, the old man replies "i don't give a damn, i want to be a fucking member to this damn church." Now the clerk is appalled, and says she'll be right back. So she goes and gets the Pastor of the church, and explains the situation to him, so the Pastor comes out and asks the old man what the problem is. So the old man says to the pastor "the problem is i just won the fucking lottery, i have a shitload of money, and i want to donate it to this church god damnit." Without hesitation the pastor replies "And this bitch is giving you a hard time?"

 

[bigollie006 10+ year member]

We need more white people jokes in this beotch

 

[DBfan187 5,000+ posts]

What do you call a white guy who needs to go somewhere across town but does not own an automobile?

A taxi.

Why did the white man cross the road?

Because he needed something that was on the other side of the road.

What do you say when you see a white man carrying a TV?

"Excuse me sir, you dropped your receipt!"

What do you call a mob of white people at the University of Maryland burning down the city?

A Maryland championship.

What do you call a mob of white people in Detriot burning down the city?

A hockey victory.

What do you call a mob of white people in Alabama?

A lynching.

What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench?

The NBA

What do you call a white guy on "Jeopardy?"

A contestant.

What did the white guy see when looking at his family tree?

A straight line.

What does a white man do when he is unhappy with our current government decisions?

He writes a letter.

What does a white man do at the club?

Pout while all the colored folk are bumpin' & grindin' with all of his fine white *****es.

What does a white man say when he catches his wife cheating on him?

"I forgive you"

What do you call a white man in court?

The lawyer.

What did the white woman do after she spilled hot coffee on her legs?

File a lawsuit.

How do you stop five white guys from raping a white woman?

Throw them a golf ball.

What do you call a white man in the ghetto?

A victim.

What do you call a white cop?

Police brutality.

Why do white people like to play hockey?

It’s the only other way to beat something black up if they're not a cop.

How did the white boy come out of the grocery store with a six pack?

He walked in and payed for it.

You know what sucks about being white?

Not much, really. I mean, there are starving people in Africa, and all those tsunami victims in Asia...I'd say we're pretty lucky.

 

[yne721 10+ year member]

white jokes

white jokes ****. they're never even funny. i'm not even offended by a single one, but at the same time, not a single one even made me crack a smile. do black people laugh at black jokes?

 

[burro breath 10+ year member]

what does the NRA stand for?

n!gger

removel

agencey

 

[burro breath 10+ year member]

AIDS

anally

inflicted

death

sentence

 

[2fnloud 10+ year member]

What is the first sign of AIDS?

A pounding sensation in the ***!

 

[peas247 10+ year member]

so this blond girl is driving down the highway and a trooper pulls up behind her to run her plates, all of a sudden the blond swerves to the left then back to the right and to the left once more and ends up in the ditch. so the officer stops and walks up to the car to check on the blond and he asks her " what were you vearing all over the road for?" the blond looks at him and says " didnt you see those trees all over in the road?", then officer replies " no you dumb ***** thats your air freshiner hangin from your mirror."

 

[peas247 10+ year member]

why is ray charles always smiling?

cause he doesnt know he's black