************ is more dangerous than smoking. Doctors of a generation ago knew this, but since the ****** Revolution of the 1960's, this fact has been lost in the "if it feels good, do it" mentality.
Myth: ************ is harmless.
Reality: Medical science proves that chronic ************ causes weakness, depression, forgetfulness and nearsightedness.
Myth: There are bigger problems than ************, like drugs and AIDS.
Reality: Experts estimate that there are at least 150,000 Americans masturbating RIGHT NOW! ************ costs American businesses at least $3.14 billion in lost productivity every month!
Myth: ************ is not immoral.
Reality: Read your Bible. God was so offended when Onan spilled his seed upon the ground that God struck Onan dead! God hates it when men waste sperm, no matter what the reason.
Myth: ************ is a "Victimless Crime."
Reality: Theological experts on ************ have come to the conclusion that ************ is what is known as a "gateway" sin. This means that ************ leads to more serious offenses. In fact, practically all rapists, Sodomites, child molesters and *********** addicts started out as Masturbators.
Myth: Americans value their "Freedom" and will never stand for ************ being outlawed.
Reality: Masturbatory devices are already illegal in Texas, and the Police in San Antonio and Austin have aggressively enforced this law, even going as far as to torture clerks that worked in stores that sold indecently-shaped soap and candles, and there has been no public outcry. In the Post-9/11 world, Americans couldn't care less about "Freedom!"
Myth: ************ feels good.
Reality: The illusion of pleasure one experiences while Masturbating is actually caused by the simultaneous deaths of millions of brain cells. Is five seconds worth of imaginary pleasure really worth an Eternity in Hell?
Myth: But everyone's doing it!
Reality: Surveys have repeatedly shown