Punishment too hard?

[andrewmoore13 10+ year member]

You missed the point. Furthermore, you act as if football is the only mechanism by which the said person can experience such things.

AND if you don't like people, you don't have to work with them.

Oh is that so? So the fact that the Sales Assistants and some of the brokers that I am working with despise each other is irrelevant? So they don't HAVE to work together? Really? That's how the real world works? Wow I'm shocked. So if you hate your boss you can just not work with them? Amazing! I wish I knew this back when I was 17 and painting houses for some local piece of shit.

And no I didn't say that it was the only one, but it is a good one that also allows for social interaction. No I didn't miss the point, he just made a bad example.

 

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They would say snowboarding is for fegs.

Only with tongue in cheek.

 

[Flipx99 5,000+ posts]

I am not saying turn your back on your kids. Let him know he can stay with rulesDude if you still dont talk much to your parents now. Then your relationship was gone long before.

Relationship ends because they had rules I disagreed with. You act as if people have an obligation of discipline to their parents. What is forgotten is that parents choose either directly or through carelessness to have children, children do not chose to be born. Parents have a fiduciary duty to the children, not the converse.

I do not hate or even dislike my parents. They are nice enough...We just have different ways of doing business. I'd rather not hear their comments.

 

[Speedbump3]

You missed the point. Furthermore, you act as if football is the only mechanism by which the said person can experience such things.

AND if you don't like people, you don't have to work with them.

No it isn't the only mechanism, but if it is a mechanism the kid enjoys and is motivated by then it works better. I don't find taking away ANY structured extra curricular activity to be the anser, unless he shows disinterest in it or ****s off too much in that extra curricular. Football is being thrown out because it is what the OP stated as the example.

 

[ampresearch 10+ year member]

If ya ask me you’re not being too hard. Sounds like the only thing you have done wrong is a sever lack of follow through on punishments creating a lack of discipline.

If you don’t seem to care about or enforce the rules why should he? Make a rule ENFORCE IT at all cost. Let him kick scream yell but never back down. Just like having a baby once you give in it will be that much harder the next time because they know they can win. YOU’RE HOUSE, YOUR RULES. YOU ARE THE BOSS.

I will use my own kids as an example.

I have a boy and a girl.

They walk in the door from school and go right to their homework

Finish homework and any chores they may have

Then they can call friends or play games or what ever they want till bed time.

All of this is without me saying a **** word. Why? Because they understand that if they follow the rules life can be rather **** easy and full of positive reinforcement. Not following the rules brings a world of shit on there heads. Which would you choose?

When I set a punishment it sticks. No I’m so sorry please can I still go, no I won’t do it again I promises. No early parole in this house. Sometimes I will set open ended punishments meaning the severity of that punishment is in there hands. IE: you’re grounded for a week unless you can prove to me that you deserve to be off restriction. In those cases good behavior can result in early release.

You don’t have to be a jerk to be a good dad. You can be their friend without undermining your authority. It is up to you to draw the line. When they cross it you have to make sure you are the first thing they meet on the other side. It won’t take long before they figure out there side of the line is not such a bad place to be.

Good luck my friend

 

[Flipx99 5,000+ posts]

Oh is that so? So the fact that the Sales Assistants and some of the brokers that I am working with despise each other is irrelevant? So they don't HAVE to work together? Really? That's how the real world works? Wow I'm shocked. So if you hate your boss you can just not work with them? Amazing! I wish I knew this back when I was 18 and painting houses for some local piece of shit.
And no I didn't say that it was the only one, but it is a good one that also allows for social interaction. No I didn't miss the point, you just made a bad example.

There is quite a difference between a professional and social relationships. While I may dislike coworkers, we treat each other with respect. I don't really give a shit when they go on about their kids and family...

Perhaps you should go back to painting houses if you cannot discern the difference between the various types of relationships.

 

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Not to mention, at least here in Michigan as I was told by a county sheriff, if you are locked out of your place of residence without a key (my gf's brother was being evicted, which is how this came up) you can break into the house legally.

Yes eviction laws would have to be followed. You have to serve notice and give a certain amount of time. Then after that, they can be forcibly removed.

 

[Flipx99 5,000+ posts]

No it isn't the only mechanism, but if it is a mechanism the kid enjoys and is motivated by then it works better. I don't find taking away ANY structured extra curricular activity to be the anser, unless he shows disinterest in it or ****s off too much in that extra curricular. Football is being thrown out because it is what the OP stated as the example.

I guess it depends if you see structured curricular activities as a priveldge (as I do) or something as important as say math. I think you believe such structured activities are important...whereas I believe they are frivilous.

 

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I guess...

LOL //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/laugh.gif.48439b2acf2cfca21620f01e7f77d1e4.gif

 

[andrewmoore13 10+ year member]

There is quite a difference between a professional and social relationships. While I may dislike coworkers, we treat each other with respect. I don't really give a shit when they go on about their kids and family...
Perhaps you should go back to painting houses if you cannot discern the difference between the various types of relationships.

You just perfectly illustrated my point. It teaches people to respect the people they are around. You don't necessarily like everyone on a team but you learn to put up with them and that ability is invaluable.

Perhaps you should learn how things relate to one another within the workplace and outside in social settings. It's difficult to act 100% differently at work and in a social environment.

I guess it depends if you see structured curricular activities as a priveldge (as I do) or something as important as say math. I think you believe such structured activities are important...whereas I believe they are frivilous.

I think they teach different types of structure. I don't find organized events as frivolous. I think you are one of those people that didn't play a lot of sports when they were little.

On a different note, the exercise you get while playing football, or any sport for that matter, is good for health and concentration.

 

[Flipx99 5,000+ posts]

You just perfectly illustrated my point. It teaches people to respect the people they are around. You don't necessarily like everyone on a team but you learn to put up with them and that ability is invaluable.
Perhaps you should learn how things relate to one another within the workplace and outside in social settings. It's difficult to act 100% differently at work and in a social environment.

I do for the most part...quite naturally. People I dislike, I just don't talk. Fortunately, we work in a silo'd organization where we can just ignore what we don't like.

 

[Speedbump3]

I guess it depends if you see structured curricular activities as a priveldge (as I do) or something as important as say math. I think you believe such structured activities are important...whereas I believe they are frivilous.

Yes I find them important. Not as important as academic structure, but hand in hand with. I believe they help socially mold and if followed through correctly can teach good amount of discipline. Of course as with anything, these need to be strongly reinforced at home by the parents.

I wouldn't force these structured curricular on kids though, because if they aren't self interested in it then it will never work.

What kind of extra curricular did you do?

 

[Macklessdaddy 10+ year member]

If ya ask me you’re not being too hard. Sounds like the only thing you have done wrong is a sever lack of follow through on punishments creating a lack of discipline.
If you don’t seem to care about or enforce the rules why should he? Make a rule ENFORCE IT at all cost. Let him kick scream yell but never back down. Just like having a baby once you give in it will be that much harder the next time because they know they can win. YOU’RE HOUSE, YOUR RULES. YOU ARE THE BOSS.

I will use my own kids as an example.

I have a boy and a girl.

They walk in the door from school and go right to their homework

Finish homework and any chores they may have

Then they can call friends or play games or what ever they want till bed time.

All of this is without me saying a **** word. Why? Because they understand that if they follow the rules life can be rather **** easy and full of positive reinforcement. Not following the rules brings a world of shit on there heads. Which would you choose?

When I set a punishment it sticks. No I’m so sorry please can I still go, no I won’t do it again I promises. No early parole in this house. Sometimes I will set open ended punishments meaning the severity of that punishment is in there hands. IE: you’re grounded for a week unless you can prove to me that you deserve to be off restriction. In those cases good behavior can result in early release.

You don’t have to be a jerk to be a good dad. You can be their friend without undermining your authority. It is up to you to draw the line. When they cross it you have to make sure you are the first thing they meet on the other side. It won’t take long before they figure out there side of the line is not such a bad place to be.

Good luck my friend

best advice yet,hope it's not too late for the 11 yr old as I have been getting much tougher with her.Thanx for your words.

 

[Flipx99 5,000+ posts]

Yes I find them important. Not as important as academic structure, but hand in hand with. I believe they help socially mold and if followed through correctly can teach good amount of discipline. Of course as with anything, these need to be strongly reinforced at home by the parents.
I wouldn't force these structured curricular on kids though, because if they aren't self interested in it then it will never work.

What kind of extra curricular did you do?

I worked at a job, sometimes two. But then again....it was (and still is) all about the money to me.

 

[andrewmoore13 10+ year member]

best advice yet,hope it's not too late for the 11 yr old as I have been getting much tougher with her.Thanx for your words.

Hate to say it but that's what I was getting at.

You need to make sure the punishments are being enforced.