Punishment too hard?

[Speedbump3]

I worked at a job, sometimes two. But then again....it was (and still is) all about the money to me.

I had a job as well but still had extra curricular.

When I said I didn't expect you to understand it I was eluding to this. Everyone is different and wired differently for the most part. These things didn't interest you because you saw no long term value in it for your goal. You had no motivation.

I would hope as a parent you don't instill this same type of thought pattern forcibly on children. Not because your thought pattern is wrong, but because it is likely that your kids may find it valuable. Why take away anything constructive that motivates a child? It is counterproductive in my opinion.

In the end what I am saying is I wouldn't force any curricular outside of academics on children nor would I take any away from them as it is what helps them find them.

 

[Speedbump3]

Additionally it is way too late for him to be removing football or many other disciplines with good results. His problem stems from his rearing through 17 years. Its a little too late to get like this now and expect results.

 

[andrewmoore13 10+ year member]

I had a job as well but still had extra curricular.
When I said I didn't expect you to understand it I was eluding to this. Everyone is different and wired differently for the most part. These things didn't interest you because you saw no long term value in it for your goal. You had no motivation.

I would hope as a parent you don't instill this same type of thought pattern forcibly on children. Not because your thought pattern is wrong, but because it is likely that your kids may find it valuable. Why take away anything constructive that motivates a child? It is counterproductive in my opinion.

In the end what I am saying is I wouldn't force any curricular outside of academics on children nor would I take any away from them as it is what helps them find them.

Agreed. I'm impressed. You contributed well to this post lol

 

[AllStar1500bd 5,000+ posts]

You seem unfit to be a father.

 

[andrewmoore13 10+ year member]

You seem unfit to be a father.

That's pretty rough. //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/laugh.gif.48439b2acf2cfca21620f01e7f77d1e4.gif

 

[miker 5,000+ posts]

Jobs are by far the best all around "life skill helping" to do during highschool.

 

[andrew198501 10+ year member]

You seem unfit to be a father.

Thats just uncalled for!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[ampresearch 10+ year member]

You seem unfit to be a father.

Grow up a bit and you will soon see that there is no instruction book when that kid comes out. EVERYONE will make a few mistakes along the way. It is whether or not you seek to correct those mistakes and better your parenting skills that matters. Is this a great place to do that? I have to agree no but it at least shows an interest in doing the right thing. There is allot of truth in the saying that your kids teach you just about as much about yourself as you will teach them about life. I would not be so quick to judge the OP when you yourself have not been in the same shoes.

Are you right in your comments? Maybe, but unless you know the whole story that is a very harsh and uncalled for thing to say to a parent.

 

[BoomBoomBoy 10+ year member]

You seem unfit to be a father.

You seem unfit to be a human being. //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/rolleyes.gif.c1fef805e9d1464d377451cd5bc18bfb.gif//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/laugh.gif.48439b2acf2cfca21620f01e7f77d1e4.gif

 

[mapolley07 10+ year member]

You need to quit complaining about how much of a fuck up your kid is, because really, a lot of the blame should be put on you. He is why he is because you failed to shape him better by letting him slide.

Right now, school is the most important thing for him.

First off, take away his computer for anything other than school work for a couple weeks. Keep him home and make him study for at least 2 hours a day or whatever. Ask his teachers for grade reports every week or two, and have them E-Mail the grades to you so your son can't give you bullshit excuses like he forgot to bring his grades home.

Don't let him go out with friends if his homework isn't done. School comes first, make him know that. His education will take him further than football or working or bullshitting with friends

You need to get involved in his education. Help him with his homework, help him study and ask to look over his tests and things. Make him feel like you care about his success, and take a hand in helping him improve. Get him a tutor if need be, just make sure YOU are making and effort to assure his grades improve. Get him looking at colleges too, and have him apply for colleges and scholarships.

Don't take football away, since his grades aren't stellar, that might help him get into college. It also helps make sure he has a commitment and will help him develop responsibility.

I agree with other people here that he should get a job. Stop giving him money to go out and tell him that if he wants to go out, he has to come up with his own money. He will learn responsibility through a job as well as the value of a dollar.

Ground him when he fucks up. Don't let him go out on the weekend, and during the week only allow him to go to school, football and work, etc. Don't be lax with your punishments. He isn't going to punish himself and turn over his computer to you or stay home on grounding, etc. YOU HAVE TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY AS A PARENT AND FOLLOW THROUGH WITH YOUR DISCIPLINE!!!!

and last of all, if need be, whoop his *** or kick him out of the house for a night and see how that works. tough love is the best love sometimes, give him a dose of reality.

and btw, i'm 19 and responsible, I'm in college making good grades, stay out of trouble and work 2 jobs. my parents had me work, took initiative to make sure i was doing well in school, and disciplined me when i needed it. Thats what you need to do for your kid, he'll appreciate it later, even if you guys fight about it now

 

[andrewmoore13 10+ year member]

You need to quit complaining about how much of a fuck up your kid is, because really, a lot of the blame should be put on you. He is why he is because you failed to shape him better by letting him slide.
Right now, school is the most important thing for him.

First off, take away his computer for anything other than school work for a couple weeks. Keep him home and make him study for at least 2 hours a day or whatever. Ask his teachers for grade reports every week or two, and have them E-Mail the grades to you so your son can't give you bullshit excuses like he forgot to bring his grades home.

Don't let him go out with friends if his homework isn't done. School comes first, make him know that. His education will take him further than football or working or bullshitting with friends

You need to get involved in his education. Help him with his homework, help him study and ask to look over his tests and things. Make him feel like you care about his success, and take a hand in helping him improve. Get him a tutor if need be, just make sure YOU are making and effort to assure his grades improve. Get him looking at colleges too, and have him apply for colleges and scholarships.

Don't take football away, since his grades aren't stellar, that might help him get into college. It also helps make sure he has a commitment and will help him develop responsibility.

I agree with other people here that he should get a job. Stop giving him money to go out and tell him that if he wants to go out, he has to come up with his own money. He will learn responsibility through a job as well as the value of a dollar.

Ground him when he fucks up. Don't let him go out on the weekend, and during the week only allow him to go to school, football and work, etc. Don't be lax with your punishments. He isn't going to punish himself and turn over his computer to you or stay home on grounding, etc. YOU HAVE TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY AS A PARENT AND FOLLOW THROUGH WITH YOUR DISCIPLINE!!!!

and last of all, if need be, whoop his *** or kick him out of the house for a night and see how that works. tough love is the best love sometimes, give him a dose of reality.

and btw, i'm 19 and responsible, I'm in college making good grades, stay out of trouble and work 2 jobs. my parents had me work, took initiative to make sure i was doing well in school, and disciplined me when i needed it. Thats what you need to do for your kid, he'll appreciate it later, even if you guys fight about it now

DING DING DING!

I agree.

 

[Flipx99 5,000+ posts]

You need to get involved in his education. Help him with his homework, help him study and ask to look over his tests and things. Make him feel like you care about his success, and take a hand in helping him improve. Get him a tutor if need be, just make sure YOU are making and effort to assure his grades improve. Get him looking at colleges too, and have him apply for colleges and scholarships.

I wonder if OP could have helped me with my HS homework.

Don't take football away, since his grades aren't stellar, that might help him get into college. It also helps make sure he has a commitment and will help him develop responsibility.

There are a thousand ways besides football to teach responsibility

I agree with other people here that he should get a job. Stop giving him money to go out and tell him that if he wants to go out, he has to come up with his own money. He will learn responsibility through a job as well as the value of a dollar.

Indeed

 

[mapolley07 10+ year member]

There are a thousand ways besides football to teach responsibility

I know, football isn't necessary, but just having the responsibility of being to practice on time, working hard, etc. and having the obligation will help teach him to be responsible.

Work doesn't really teach responsibility other than meeting your commitments, so football is just about as good. The more commitments he has to meet the better

 

[Flipx99 5,000+ posts]

I had a job as well but still had extra curricular.
When I said I didn't expect you to understand it I was eluding to this. Everyone is different and wired differently for the most part. These things didn't interest you because you saw no long term value in it for your goal. You had no motivation.

I would hope as a parent you don't instill this same type of thought pattern forcibly on children. Not because your thought pattern is wrong, but because it is likely that your kids may find it valuable. Why take away anything constructive that motivates a child? It is counterproductive in my opinion.

In the end what I am saying is I wouldn't force any curricular outside of academics on children nor would I take any away from them as it is what helps them find them.

How many hours did you work at said job? Most of the people who worked with me who also played sports considered the job an afterthought as they could only work minimally during the season and during summer practices or whatnot.

I would take away things I felt were activities designed for leisure. To me, athletic events are done for leisure. A certain few do it for money because others spectate for leisure.

I expect to let a child chose whatever as an outlet. I hope they don't chose whoring or drugs, but that is a choice many people make. However, I feel certain it is within reasonable means to restrict a person's access to recreation as form of punishment.

 

[Flipx99 5,000+ posts]

I know, football isn't necessary, but just having the responsibility of being to practice on time, working hard, etc. and having the obligation will help teach him to be responsible.
Work doesn't really teach responsibility other than meeting your commitments, so football is just about as good. The more commitments he has to meet the better

You get paid to go to work. Few HS students get paid to play sports. The responsibility you gain from work is dependant on your capbilities and what you want to get from it. You can half-*** through work just the same as you can half-*** through practice.