Post any funny Jokes that you Know!

[silvercookie 5,000+ posts]

why did the chicken run across the road?

to get away from the black people chasing it.

 

[dman4486 5,000+ posts]

What did god say when he made the first black person?

God doesn't exist so he didn't say shit!!!

"shit I burnt one"

 

[sdmtnbiker420 10+ year member]

Why cant gay guys get auto insurance?

cause they keep getting rear ended

Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?

Any Mexican that can run, jump, or swim is already in the US!

What did the black kid get for christmas?

Your bike.

 

[jdawg90 10+ year member]

What did Abe Lincoln say after a 3 day drinking binge?

"I set WHO free?"

 

[Scoobydoo 5,000+ posts]

There won't be any Easter they found the body

 

[DejaWiz 5,000+ posts]

Q: What's the difference between jam and jelly?

A: You can't jelly your cawk up a chick's ***.

 

[yne721 10+ year member]

One time I had a car charger in my trunk because my pops is a car dealer. So I was riding around with it for two weeks with no problem until one day while pulling into my neighborhood I smelled something burning. I turn around and see smoke billowing out of the holes where the seat belts for the rear passengers **** into. I get in my driveway and my neighbor across the seat sees smoke billowing out the windows and he thinks I just got done hotboxing(smoking pot) and doesn't think anything of it. I then open my trunk and a wall of flame shoots out at my face. My friend sees it and runs for the hose. My other neighbor then comes out and is freaking out because the gas tank is right below the trunk lol.
So he calls 911. I grab my friends hose and begin spraying it out. It isn't working very well till the fire department shows up with a fire extinguisher and puts it out. In the end my entire trunk lining except for the corner portion where my onstar unit is burned up. Everything survived except my trunk lining including my spare and a pair of football cleats lol!

I will put pictures online someday.

wat

 

[SethPhillips 5,000+ posts]

how do you babby sit a black kid?

lick his lips and stick him to a window!

 

[DejaWiz 5,000+ posts]

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of *****es who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of *****es who are getting on, get your ***** in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the ***** in the kitchen."

---------------------------------

A seven-year-old boy and his four-year-old brother were upstairs in their bedroom.

"You know what?" said the seven year old. "I think it's about time we start swearing." The four year old nodded his head in approval.

"When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say hell, and you say ***, okay?" The four year old agreed with enthusiasm.

The mother walked into the kitchen and asked the seven year old what he wanted for breakfast. "Aw hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios." WHACK! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the floor, got up and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.

The mother looked at the four year old and asked with a stern voice, "And what do you want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know," he blubbered, "but you can bet your *** it won't be Cheerios."

 

[DejaWiz 5,000+ posts]

A Priest is out fishing one day when he suddenly has a tremendous bite and after a long fight he eventually lands a massive fish. The Priest not knowing much about fishing has no idea what species he has caught. A local fisherman sees the event unfold and rows over to the priest.

"Jesus Christ! Thats a huge fukker!" says the fisherman.

The shocked Priest replies "How dare you use the lords name in vain and spout such profanities!"

Thinking quickly the fisherman replies "Sorry father, didn’t mean any disrespect, but the species of fish you have just caught there is called a fukker."

The Priest is a little surprised by this but after many reassurances from the fisherman is convinced that the species is called a fukker. Upon arriving back at the church, the Priest rather proudly takes the fish to show to the Archbishop and to get him to gut and skin the fish.

"Have a look at the fukker I have caught Archbishop. Can you skin and gut this fukker for me?"

Agast, the Archbishop responds "Never have I heard such language from a member of the clergy!"

After many reassurances the Priest convinces the Archbishop that the species is in fact called a fukker, so the Archbishop skins and guts the fish.

The archbishop then gets an idea. "We should take this fukker to the Mother Superior so she can cook this fukker."

So the Priest and the Archbishop take the fish to the Mother Superior.

"Mother Superior," says the Priest "I have caught this fukker. The Archbishop has skinned and gutted this fukker. Can you please cook this fukker?"

Again agast, the Mother Superior responds "Oh my Lord! Never have I thought that I would see the day when I would hear such language come from the mouths of members of this church!"

Again, after many reassurances, the Priest and the Archbishop convince the Mother Superior that "fukker" is the name of the species.

The Mother Superior, having calmed down, then remembers that the Pope is coming to the church for dinner that night.

"Since you have caught this fukker, and you," turning towards the Archbishop "have skinned and gutted this fukker, I shall cook this fukker for his holiness the Pope for dinner tonight."

And so the Mother Superior cooks the fish and later that night serves it to the Pope. After the meal, the Pope is utterly impressed by the fish and asks where it came from.

"Well," says the Priest "I caught the fukker".

The Archbishop then chimes in "And I skinned and gutted the fukker".

Finally the Mother Superior say "And I cooked the fukker".

The Pope looks long and hard at the three. After a time he pulls out a pipe, lights it up, leans back in his chair and puts his feet up on the table looking utterly relaxed.

"You know," says the Pope "You kunts are alright".

 

[boalova13 10+ year member]

Whats the most confusing day in harlem??

Father's day