Jokes!

[trow100 10+ year member]

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his roundtrip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home.

So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail.

The cabbie said (adopt appropriate accent), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch hike to the airport and barely caught his flight.

One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport.

Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck.

The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan. The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport?" he asked.

"Fifteen bucks," came the reply.

"And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?"

"What?! Get the hell out of my cab."

The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.

When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "Okay," and off they went.

Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.

 

[SAG3 5,000+ posts]

slammed, i shall rep you when i can

 

[trow100 10+ year member]

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table when a hot blonde walks up and bets $20,000 on a single roll of the dice. "I hope you don't mind," she says to the two men, "but I feel much luckier when I'm completely ****." She strips ***** and rolls the dice.

As the dice come to a stop, she jumps up and down screams, "I WON I WON!!"

She then hugs both the dealers, picks up her money and her clothes, and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded.

Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll, anyway?"

The other answers, "I don't know. I thought YOU were watching."

 

[Ricky616 10+ year member]

i repped u slammed and trow100

 

[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

two buddies are driving around the country and suddenly their car breaks down.

walking around they meet a fruit farmer and ask him if he has a place for them to stay for the night.

the fruit farmer offers them a room under one condition....they can stay upstairs with his daughter just as long as they dont do anything with her.

the two guys disobey the farmer and take turns having *** with her.

the next day the fruit farmer discovers their actions

"since you disobeyed me", he said, " I want each of you to go out in my fields and pick a 50 pieces of your favorite fruit."

two guys got excited, thinking that the punishment wasnt that bad.

so the two guys set out to pick here fruit

the first guy comes back with a hundred cherries

the fruit farmer picks up a shotgun, and says "now shove them all up you ***"

the guy gets to 10 and he starts giggling

he gets to 20 and he starts laughing

he finally gets to 50 and he is laughing so hard he almost pees himself

the fruit farmer asks the man "what the hell is so funny?"

the guy replies "I am just laughing at my buddy because he is picking watermelons"

 

[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

i repped u slammed

ahhh...that was you.

didnt leave a name //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/wink.gif.608e3ea05f1a9f98611af0861652f8fb.gif

got ya back!

 

[Ricky616 10+ year member]

two buddies are driving around the country and suddenly their car breaks down.walking around they meet a fruit farmer and ask him if he has a place for them to stay for the night.

the fruit farmer offers them a room under one condition....they can stay upstairs with his daughter just as long as they dont do anything with her.

the two guys disobey the farmer and take turns having *** with her.

the next day the fruit farmer discovers their actions

"since you disobeyed me", he said, " I want each of you to go out in my fields and pick a 50 pieces of your favorite fruit."

two guys got excited, thinking that the punishment wasnt that bad.

so the two guys set out to pick here fruit

the first guy comes back with a hundred cherries

the fruit farmer picks up a shotgun, and says "now shove them all up you ***"

the guy gets to 10 and he starts giggling

he gets to 20 and he starts laughing

he finally gets to 50 and he is laughing so hard he almost pees himself

the fruit farmer asks the man "what the hell is so funny?"

the guy replies "I am just laughing at my buddy because he is picking watermelons"

//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/hilarious.gif.02a037aad04aa96f19982b298a3d70a8.gif oouch thats gotta hurt 50 watermelons i would be laughin my *** off too if i was tha first guy //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/laugh.gif.48439b2acf2cfca21620f01e7f77d1e4.gif

 

[Ricky616 10+ year member]

ahhh...that was you.
didnt leave a name //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/wink.gif.608e3ea05f1a9f98611af0861652f8fb.gif

got ya back!

oh my bad i didnt know that i had too leave my name //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/smile.gif.1ebc41e1811405b213edfc4622c41e27.gif

 

[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

Little Johnnys mom told him when he started at school never to touch any girls between the legs because "they got teeth down there", and he’d get bitten.

Years later after the prom when Johnnys girlfriend was getting horny

and putting the hard word on him for some action, Johnny said "fuck that l aint putting my dick in there it’s got teeth and l’ll get bit!"

She insisted there was no teeth and it was safe so she leaned back and pulled her skirt up a bit so he could have a good look.

When Johnny stood up she said, "well theres no teeth is there?", and Johnny said, "Im not fucking surprised with the state of those gums!"

 

[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

So little 6 year old Johnny and his dad are taking a walk to the park and a couple blocks up the road Johnnys dad sees there are two dogs mating...he thinks "shit, when we get up there im gonna have to tell Johnny what theyre doing"

So finally Johnny and his dad get up to the dogs and Johnny says "Daddy Daddy look at those dogs" and his dad says "Ya Johnny that one dog hurt his foot so the other dog is helping him."

So They walk for a bit and Johnny says "Daddy those dogs back there they make you kinda think of life"...

"why is that Johnny?" the father asks

And Johnny Yells "You Help A Guy Out And He Fucks You EveryTime"

 

[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears.

"I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidently picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."

"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed, "but what happened to your other ear?"

"The son of a bytch called back!!"

 

[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

How did the blonde get her head stuck in the steering wheel? She was trying to blow the horn.

What do u call a blonde with pig tails?

A blow job with handle bars!!!!!

 

[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

What do blondes and turtles have in common?

Once on they are om their backs......they’re fucked!

 

[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

President Bush and Cheaney are sitting in a bar.

A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn’t that Bush and Cheaney sitting over there?"

The barman says, "Yep, that’s them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We’re planning WW III."

And the guy says, "Really? What’s going to happen?"

Bush says, "Well, we’re going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one girl with big tits."

The guy exclaimed, "A girl with big tits?" "Why kill a girl with big tits?"

Bush turns to Cheaney and says, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

...Im running out of jokes guys...need some help here LOL

 

[JAZN 5,000+ posts]

Three blondes accidentally find an ancient lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out and says, "Since all three of you found me, I shall grant each one of you a wish." The first blonde says, "I want to be smarter," so the genie turns her into a brunette. The second blonde says, "I want to be smarter than the brunette," so the genie turns her into a redhead. The last blonde says, "I want to be smarter than them both," so the genie turns her into a man.