Jokes!

[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/laugh.gif.48439b2acf2cfca21620f01e7f77d1e4.gif

thanks...I inserted the "oh shit what did we do?!"

it was suppose to be "oh shit, we are in big trouble now"

I thought my version was better //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/wink.gif.608e3ea05f1a9f98611af0861652f8fb.gif

 

[Prowler573 5,000+ posts]

Not a joke per se but funny nonetheless...

 

[Ricky616 10+ year member]

lol good jokes guys:thumbupw: keep them coming:laugh:

 

[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

A woman walked into a tattoo parlor and asked for 2 tattoos. She wanted a christmas tree on her left thigh and a turkey on the right thigh.

When they were done the artist asked why she wanted these tattoos.

She replied " My husband always complains that theres nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."

 

[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

3 guy’s were talkin bout how they all had there wifes trained. the first guy says

i told my new wife from pennsylvania that when i got home she had better had dinner on the table. the next night there was dinner on the table.

the second guy say’s i told my wife that she had better had dinner on the table and my laundry done. well the first night i didn’t see anything but the next night my clothes were done and there was dinner on the table.

the third guy says i told my wife from nyc that my clothes better be done and folded and that there better be dinner on the table and that she had better had the dishes done. well the first night i didn’t see anything and the second night i didn’t see anything

and by third night my eyes were still so swollen shut i could’nt see shit.

 

[trow100 10+ year member]

An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual check-up. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. The 80-year-old says, "I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"

The doctor considers his question for a minute and then begins. "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid trophy hunter and never misses a season. One day, when he was going out hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream of water. He raised his cane and went 'bang, bang'. Suddenly, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think of that?"

The 80-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

 

[trow100 10+ year member]

A blonde goes into a laundry mat and asks to have her sweater cleaned. The laundromat attendant doesn't hear her correctly and says, "come again?" The blonde blushes slightly and giggles, "oh, no it's just mustard this time."

 

[Ricky616 10+ year member]

An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual check-up. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. The 80-year-old says, "I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor considers his question for a minute and then begins. "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid trophy hunter and never misses a season. One day, when he was going out hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream of water. He raised his cane and went 'bang, bang'. Suddenly, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think of that?"

The 80-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/rotflol.gif.b453361716769b8110ddefc85ff03cd2.gif brb

 

[wilzyx 5,000+ posts]

A blonde goes into a laundry mat and asks to have her sweater cleaned. The laundromat attendant doesn't hear her correctly and says, "come again?" The blonde blushes slightly and giggles, "oh, no it's just mustard this time."

:stuck:

 

[wgaede 10+ year member]

so there’s guys out to lunch and they’re talking about their sons
first guys says "my son is a successful automobile salesmen in fact hes so sucessful he gave one of his friends a new car for their birthday"

and the second guy says "my son is a very sucessful stoke broker and in fact he’s so sucessful that he gave one of his friends a huge pile of stocks for their birthday"

and the third guy says "my sons a sucessful morgage broker hes so successful that he gave one of his friends a house as a birthday present"

so the three guys all look at the fourth and he say "well im gonna be honest Im not too proud of my son hes a gay hairdresser"

they all started to laugh at the man.

but the man continued...."but he must be good at what he does because on his birthday his boyfriends gave him a car, a pile of stocks, and a new house"

WTFPRAWNEDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!

good stuff man.

 

[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

yay wegayed!!

yayayayayay

 

[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

A drunk stumbles down to a baptism at a river one day. The Preacher looks up and say’s well are you here to find jesus with me today brother. And the bum say’s sure. So the minister takes him and sticks his head under water.

When he pulls it out he says have you found jesus yet brother? The bum says no.

So the minister puts his head back down underneath the water pulls it back out and says have you found jesus yet my brother? and the bum says no.

So he put his head back down under pulls it out and says have you found jesus yet? and the bum says no.

So the minister shoves his head into the water and holds the bums head down for 1 minute. he pulls it out and shouts have you found jesus yet my brother?

And the bum says no are you sure this is were he fell in?

 

[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

Mickey Mouse walks into the court house one day hoping to finalize his divorce to Minney. He walks up to the judge and says, "so is my divorce final yet?"

The judge tells him, " I’m sorry Mickey I can’t grant you a divorce from Minney just because you think she’s crazy it wouldn’t be right"

Mickey looks at him a little puzzled. "I never said she was crazy I said she was Fuckin’ Goofy

 

[trow100 10+ year member]

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas."

The barman says "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."

"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."

The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"

On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.

The bartender said "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"

"Yeah, my wife..."

 

[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having *** would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that fucking ice cream truck hadn’t come along, he’d still be alive today!"