Is snooping on spouse wrong?

[boatstoy 10+ year member]

Is snooping on a spouse bad? I am in the military and deployed, and my wife and I are open when it comes to email accounts and all that. But when I am deployed, I am not able to check her stuff an she knows that. She has a very jealous ex, and she has always been honest when I am home if he ever emails her.

Well, after chatting online for a little bit the other day, my wife out of the blue asks, "Would you ever stop loving me?, do you think you would ever hate me?". I was kind of thrown for a loop, but answered honestly, I would never hate her and never stop loving her, no matter what. But it raised my interest all of a sudden, and it made me question her honesty. She has told me over and over, she would never do anything to hurt our marriage, and until this, I totally trusted her. She has NEVER given me a reason before to doubt her.

So, I decided to get online, and look at the cell phone bill. There were about 6-7 numbers I did not recognize, and they were not her friends' numbers, these were random out of state numbers. Kind of like how most military people have cell phones from out of state because of moving a lot.

I haven't called any of them, but I did recognize one as her ex's number. Supposedly, she said he called her on Christmas Day, but the bill shows SHE called him. So, being a little upset, I texted his number, and told him to never call my wife, ever. He responded that she called him and wanted him to come see her. He is also military, and told me that he didn't, that he did not want to take the chance of ruining his career since she is a married woman now. He also has a girlfriend, and doesn't want to ruin that. We texted back and forth a little, and he said that he is not the one I need to worry about.

Well, I emailed her the very first text from him, saying that she was the one that called and wanted him to come see her. She blew up at me, saying he is lying and making shit up, and that I am snooping and need to stay out of her shit. She doesn't know that I saw the phone bill, which i copied to my computer. I told her, that he has to be lying, that I KNOW she would never do anything like that, but now I am getting the cold, silent treatment. She also has changed all her passwords for everything.

But as a concerned husband, overseas fighting for the country, am I in the wrong for snooping? I never would have thought of anything if I didn't get asked those questions the other day. All I want it to have her waiting at home for me, the day I get back. I love her more than life itself, and I honestly doubt I would EVER leave her, for any reason whatsoever.

Please let me know if I am in the wrong, the right, advice, help, etc. This is running through my mind non-stop, and I haven't even been able to eat in two days now. All I do is workout, trying to relieve the stress, and I can't sleep. I feel so crappy, I am almost to the point of passing out.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, I want to keep this quiet from my command, so I had to vent on here.

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[chase007 10+ year member]

You should confront ur wife man, if she loves you she will tell you the truth, and if shes just bsing her way through the relationship...well your on ur own...Ur not wrong for snooping, shes wrong 4 lieing snooping is fine if ur marryed...Gl man

 

[ric flair 10+ year member]

no, you are not wrong. It sounds like a possible mess though, even after the first paragraph.

And don't stress man, i agree with the post above, confront your wife. You should have the right to know the truth

 

[DBBOOM 10+ year member]

My brother went through this with his first wife, he told me about it. He said the best advice he could give me when it came to women was "To never take them for granted and always trust your gut feelings." I've done well following that, hope it gives you some direction.

 

[oldschool4me 10+ year member]

snooping is fine and if she is caught, give her the boot bro. do you honestly want to live constantly wondering if she is being faithful and having to always be investigating and questioning her. if she does not love you enuff to be a faithful wife then why should you settle for that? that makes no sence. that would be self esteem issues.

 

[lama04 10+ year member]

My advise to you being married and in the miltary as well is to be open and ohnest with each other about anything and everything. voluntary marriage counceling may help strengthen the communication but may still leave the core issues unresolved. I have be with my wife for twelve years and and we have 2 boys. we have had our ups and downs but we always manage to come out happier. what i'm basically trying to say is if your that concerned about your marriage that you have to result to snooping, spying whatever you should really re-evaluate your relationship. Many military wives cheat while we are deployed. it has always been this way. nothing new. Remeber woman are human as well. they have all the same needs, urges, and fantacies as men. I writing you from Iraq as we speak and I have absolute confidence in my wifes loyalty and trust. If she breaks it we will get divorced- that Simple. she knows that and thats probably her biggest fear. it just sounds like your not confident in your marriage so I would suggest counceling. and by doing so does not mean you have marriage proplems, you are just taking action before a problem occures. 1st step would probly be working on the communication piece though. so good luck

 

[lilmaniac2 5,000+ posts]

Kill tha bish.

/thread.

Once a cheater always a cheater

 

[DBfan187 5,000+ posts]

She's been with me dude. I'm sorry I'm the one who has to tell you this, but she's says I'm bigger and I know how to hit the spot! She gets around more than Supa's mom!

 

[bigbangtheory 5,000+ posts]

Shit is crazy!

 

[97gp 5,000+ posts]

Maybe you should learn to trust here, you doing all this snooping is just gonna put her over the edge. In the end the only person to blame is going to be yourself.

 

[lilmaniac2 5,000+ posts]

Maybe you should learn to trust here, you doing all this snooping is just gonna put her over the edge. In the end the only person to blame is going to be yourself.

Checking his cell phone bill is snooping? I know I check my phone bill/bank statement for charges I don't recognize

 

[05fronty 5,000+ posts]

pics of wife

 

[Slim_Shady]

I'd call all of those numbers and make random death threats

 

[lilmaniac2 5,000+ posts]

I'd call all of those numbers and make random death threats

Then slit her throat and put her in the trunk.

Maybe even write song about it.

 

[bigbangtheory 5,000+ posts]

You guys are hardcore, but is pretty obvious she wanted to hook up with her ex, which is funny being he is milatary and probably wouldnt always be around too. Maybe she can just swap whoever isn't on duty.