Funny Stories

[George W Bush]

Why'd the President cross the street?

 

[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

A black couple is sitting around the night before a costume party when the man says woman go get me a costume.The woman goes out and brings back a superman outfit.The guy says "have you ever seen a black superman? i don’t think so, now go get me something i can wear."The woman now a little agitated goes out and brings back a batman costume.The guy is now a little bit pissed and says the same thing "go get me something i can wear."The woman is now severly pissed so she goes out and brings back three white buttons, a white belt, and a wooden 2x4.The man walks in and says what the f is this? Well, she says you can put the buttons on and go as a domino, or put the white belt around your waist and go as an oreo, or shove the 2x4 up your *** and go as a fudgesicle!!!

 

[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

Why'd the President cross the street?

cus it was the chicken's day off //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/wink.gif.608e3ea05f1a9f98611af0861652f8fb.gif

 

[George W Bush]

cus it was the chicken's day off //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/wink.gif.608e3ea05f1a9f98611af0861652f8fb.gif

b/c I am teh chicken.

 

[Phatillusion 5,000+ posts]

b/c I am teh chicken.

yes you are. That's the only thing I will agree with you on.

 

[MTXThunder9500 10+ year member]

getting out of my car yesterday, I dislocated my knee.
it hurts and Im pwned!

the-end

I have dislocated my knee 6 times and i have had surgery on it this summer from the 7th time dislocating it so yeah i know how you feel and then some

 

[iceteebone 5,000+ posts]

Why'd the President cross the street?

i was gonna say cause cheney was approaching with a gun //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/crap.gif.7f4dd41e3e9b23fbd170a1ee6f65cecc.gif

 

[iceteebone 5,000+ posts]

I have dislocated my knee 6 times and i have had surgery on it this summer from the 7th time dislocating it so yeah i know how you feel and then some

me too. i tore my acl in high school, so i quit playing football and occupied my time with ***

 

[Tyrone Biggums]

Why'd the President cross the street?

Because he wanted to get to the corner to sell some crack to Tyrone?

 

[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

I have dislocated my knee 6 times and i have had surgery on it this summer from the 7th time dislocating it so yeah i know how you feel and then some

ah shyt man...dont tell me I need surgery....

Im thinking of doing what Mel Gibson did in Lethal Weapon with his shoulder LOL

 

[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up the young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom.

As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound-up in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered,

"Honey, this guy hasn’t seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have *** with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it!"

"Darling," the wife hissed, "I’m so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a nice, tight butt!"

 

[Phatillusion 5,000+ posts]

Because he wanted to get to the corner to sell some crack to Tyrone?

lol....ftw.

 

[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

A man who had just bought a new Ferrari turned on the radio and nothing happened. Furious, he drove back into the dealer and yelled "When I buy a $300,000 car I expect the damn radio to work."

The salesman explained to him that the radio had been programmed to his voice and all he had to do was tell the radio what he wanted to hear.

He got back into the car and said "Hip Hop music," and 2Pac started rapping.

"Classic rock," he exclaimed, and immediately Pink Floyd started singing.

"Easy listening," he remarked, and at once Sade came on

Content, he was relaxed when driving back to his home. Suddenly a car cuts him up. He controls his temper but before he knows it another driver cuts him up.

"Useless stupid *******!" he screamed. At which, the radio comes on ... "There now follows a political broadcast by President George Bush........"

 

[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

A woman was in a coma. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath and one of them noticed that there was a response on the monitor whenever her pvssy was touched.

They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, but maybe a little oral *** will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."

The husband was skeptical, but they assured him they’d close the curtains for privacy. The hubby finally agreed and went into his wife’s room.

After a few minutes the woman’s monitor flat lined. No pulse, no heart rate, nothing. The nurses ran into the room.

The husband, who was standing beside his wife’s bed, pulling up his pants, said, "Erm....I think she choked."

 

[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

A female TV reporter went to have an interview with a French farmer, seeking to find out the main cause of Mad Cow Disease.

The Lady: - "Good evening Sir, we are here to collect information about the causes of Mad Cow Disease. Do you have any idea what might be the reason?"

The Farmer stared at the reporter and said: "Do you know that the bull bangs the cow once a year?"

The Lady (getting embarrassed), "Well sir, that’s a new piece of information, but what’s the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease?"

The Farmer, "Well Madam, do you know that we milk the cow four times a day ?"

The Lady, "Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point?"

The Farmer, "I am getting to the point Madam. Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits four times a day and banging you once a year, wouldn’t YOU get mad?"