Funny Stories

[Phatillusion 5,000+ posts]

Wouldn't know, I really don't watch it anymore, not for a long time.

 

[Phatillusion 5,000+ posts]

BTW, the packets of ketchup I slid under his door are gone.

 

[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

getting out of my car yesterday, I dislocated my knee.

it hurts and Im pwned!

the-end

 

[Phatillusion 5,000+ posts]

getting out of my car yesterday, I dislocated my knee.
it hurts and Im pwned!

the-end

That sucks, my knee was bothering me yesterday too. Felt like I twisted it.

 

[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/frown.gif.a3531fa0534503350665a1e957861287.gif

I dont wanna go to the doctor...they always like to touch me in weird places //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/frown.gif.a3531fa0534503350665a1e957861287.gif

 

[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

There was this couple that was married for 20 years, and every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was stupid. She figured she would break him out of the crazy habit.

So one night, while they were in the middle of a romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery operated pleasure devise. She gets completely upset.

"You impotent bastard," she screamed at him, "How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly, "I’ll explain the toy if you explain the kids."

 

[iceteebone 5,000+ posts]

There was this couple that was married for 20 years, and every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was stupid. She figured she would break him out of the crazy habit.

So one night, while they were in the middle of a romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery operated pleasure devise. She gets completely upset.

"You impotent bastard," she screamed at him, "How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly, "I’ll explain the toy if you explain the kids."

heard that one before //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/frown.gif.a3531fa0534503350665a1e957861287.gif

 

[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

After a long morning of delivering mail in the cold of december the mail man had finally reached his last house. when he knocked on the door to deliver the certified letter a beautiful woman answered the door.

"oh, you look so cold" she said "why dont you come in for some coffee?"

since it was his last stop he thought why not and went on in. After a nice cup of coffee she asked him if he could come upstairs and help her in the bedroom. Not knowing what to expect he obliged her and politley followed.

When they got to the bedroom she threw him on the bed and jumped on him, and screwed his brains out for about an hour. When they were finished he sat up and said "Lady i’ve never met you before in my life why in the world are you doing this for me, I know I’m not that attractive so why?’

" Well," she said "Me and my husband were deciding what to get everyone for christmas this year and when i asked him what about the mailman he said "fuck the mailman!"

 

[Phatillusion 5,000+ posts]

After a long morning of delivering mail in the cold of december the mail man had finally reached his last house. when he knocked on the door to deliver the certified letter a beautiful woman answered the door. "oh, you look so cold" she said "why dont you come in for some coffee?"

since it was his last stop he thought why not and went on in. After a nice cup of coffee she asked him if he could come upstairs and help her in the bedroom. Not knowing what to expect he obliged her and politley followed.

When they got to the bedroom she threw him on the bed and jumped on him, and screwed his brains out for about an hour. When they were finished he sat up and said "Lady i’ve never met you before in my life why in the world are you doing this for me, I know I’m not that attractive so why?’

" Well," she said "Me and my husband were deciding what to get everyone for christmas this year and when i asked him what about the mailman he said "fuck the mailman!"

heard that one before too.

 

[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

A man was having problems with premature ejaculation. This was affecting marital relations with his wife so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what could he do to cure his problem.

In response the doctor said, "When you feel the urge to ejaculate, try startling yourself".

One the way home the man went to a sports store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try out this suggestion he runs home to his wife. When he gets home he is surprised and delighted to find his wife in bed, already *****. He’s so horny and keen to try out his new ’system’ that he doesn’t think twice and leaps on board.

After a few minutes ‘slap and tickle’, they find themselves in the ’69’ position. Sure enough, only moments later the man feels the sudden urge to come. Following doctor’s orders, he grabs the starter pistol off the bedside table and fires it.

The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?"

The man answered, "Just great, *******...when I fired the pistol my wife shit on my face, bit my dick and my neighbor came out of the closet ***** with his hands in the air!"

 

[Phatillusion 5,000+ posts]

3rd times a charm?

 

[Phatillusion 5,000+ posts]

3rd time ftw. //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/smile.gif.1ebc41e1811405b213edfc4622c41e27.gif lol

 

[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

A man goes to the doctor..........

MAN: Doc, I think I’m ghey.

DOCTOR: What makes you think you’re ghey?

MAN: Well, my dad just announced, to our family, that HE'S ghey

DOCTOR: Just because your father is ghey dosn’t mean that you are. It’s not hereditary.

MAN: But Doc, I have two uncles and they are BOTH ghey

DOCTOR: Well, that’s just a coincidence. It’s NOT hereditary

MAN: But I have three brothers, and they are ALL ghey.

DOCTOR: Shyt son! Doesn’t anyone in your family like pvssy?!

MAN: Well, sure. My sister does!!

 

[squeak9798 5,000+ posts]

If it makes ya feel any better Slammed...I'd never heard those first two before //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/wink.gif.608e3ea05f1a9f98611af0861652f8fb.gif

 

[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

thanks squeak //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/smile.gif.1ebc41e1811405b213edfc4622c41e27.gif