advice needed...helping friend with drug addiction

[Tiger Bass 5,000+ posts]

I wish you luck man as your good intentions are more than likely going to put you on a roller coaster you never knew existed.
If you can truly understand and accept one thing it will help immensly: There is absolutely NOTHING you can do to stop her from using if/when she wants to and NOTHING you say/do makes her want to use, she's an addict and it's ALL on her....

Personally I'd run the other direction as I wasted the last 10 years of my marriage trying to get my ex sober. Live and learn....

I have to agree completely. She has to totally want to stop taking drugs or nothing will change.

 

[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

dammnn thats tough

good luck man

 

[TreyE 10+ year member]

**** this is the most serious thread i think ive ever read on here...

what you need to do is set out a contract and make her sign it.

if you do this...this happens

if you do well...this happens

etc etc you get what im saying though? you have to set rules so she knows the consequences upfront

it will help her not go back to doing the drugs because she knows what will happen...i also wouldnt let her use your car or let her out of your site for the first few weeks

Trey

 

[Tiger Bass 5,000+ posts]

I think being too serious like TreyE suggests, it will only lead to her viewing you as an authority figure, and we all know how people who do bad things view authority figures. If you treat her too nice though, she will take you for granted and think of you as a chump.

 

[pcolasfinest 10+ year member]

i went through the same shit with my ex, we would have a fight and then go smoke crack, then i would feel guilty and take her back in, then she started doing methadone to substitute the crack, it was getting to the point where the methadone was messing her up all day, i would come home at night to see her nodding out with a cig in her hand in my bed, **** you should see all the burn holes in my bed, but i had to kick her out when she was forging perscriptions for loratabs and having my mom turn them in for her, not knowing they were forged, and with my mom working in a hospital it could have got her fired, so she had to go, best decision in my life because she actually got caught but the doctor did not press charges on her, thats when i told her she had to go, good luck man.....

 

[pcolasfinest 10+ year member]

**** this is the most serious thread i think ive ever read on here...
what you need to do is set out a contract and make her sign it.

if you do this...this happens

if you do well...this happens

etc etc you get what im saying though? you have to set rules so she knows the consequences upfront

it will help her not go back to doing the drugs because she knows what will happen...i also wouldnt let her use your car or let her out of your site for the first few weeks

Trey

if they still want the drug, they really don't care about consiquences, they will do anything for the drug, drug addiction is a hard thing to get over

 

[Louisiana_CRX 5,000+ posts]

Once they are in that deep it will be hard...she may be thinking of you as here extra money source to support her habits....she could be in rehab to skip jail time...a lot of times especially for a female crying a judge will give them rehab as an option....but I'm sure some people change...though I don't know of any....

 

[TreyE 10+ year member]

I think being too serious like TreyE suggests, it will only lead to her viewing you as an authority figure, and we all know how people who do bad things view authority figures. If you treat her too nice though, she will take you for granted and think of you as a chump.

yea maybe not as strict as not letting her out of site for the first week but i think the contract thing is a good idea since he is pretty much letting her live at his house n shit he has the right to set rules...not in an authoritative way just in a this is my house these are my rules..no drugs

 

[TreyE 10+ year member]

if they still want the drug, they really don't care about consiquences, they will do anything for the drug, drug addiction is a hard thing to get over

idk just my opinion ive never dealt with anything this serious

 

[BIG-SMOOTH 10+ year member]

**** this is the most serious thread i think ive ever read on here...
what you need to do is set out a contract and make her sign it.

if you do this...this happens

if you do well...this happens

etc etc you get what im saying though? you have to set rules so she knows the consequences upfront

it will help her not go back to doing the drugs because she knows what will happen...i also wouldnt let her use your car or let her out of your site for the first few weeks

Trey

I don't know if I will go as far as a written contract, but we will definitely have one long *** discussion about the house rules and expectations. Keeping her within site shouldn't be too difficult considering she doesn't drive at all. She was asking me the other day about available jobs within walking distance of my house. I tried teaching her to drive years ago and she got so scared she was doing like 25mph down the **** freeway!//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/rolleyes.gif.c1fef805e9d1464d377451cd5bc18bfb.gif I'd never let her behind the wheel of any of my vehicles again!

 

[pilyin 10+ year member]

Make sure you have constant contact with her. Let her know that the first thing she needs to do if she so much as feels like she's getting the itch is to call you. Make sure she has a number where she can contact you at any and all times. Be prepared to be her shoulder. The more contact you have with her, the better the chance that she stays off the dope. Good luck man. Wish you the best.

I've got a friend that's in the same situation. Lost everything. Sold his house and spent over 50K on drugs in 1 month and his wife and kids are suffering for his out of control habit.

It takes guts to do what your doing. Good luck.

 

[Randy Savage 5,000+ posts]

Yeah, I realize there isn't anything I can do if she doesn't truly want to stay clean. All I can do is provide a better environment to do that, provide some sort of support system and hope for the best. She is well aware that this is a one shot opportunity. First time I find drugs in my house or I see her high, she'll be on the next flight back home. Absolutely no exceptions.

You say this now, but you also have an intimate past with her...I think it will be tough to have her turn around and go if she does fall off track.

You sound like you've got a good plan, and although it seems rare, there are people out there that have pulled complete 180's- there are former addicts out there that stay completely clean- it's all about who they are, and if they are strong enough to fight it off.

If you are genuine in your support, as well as your set guidelines, even if things do go sour (she starts using again), I hope you don't get dragged down with her.

I hope it works out for the both of you, and hopefully it turns out to be a positive experience that you can say you helped someone get their life on track again. Good luck with it.

 

[BIG-SMOOTH 10+ year member]

Once they are in that deep it will be hard...she may be thinking of you as here extra money source to support her habits....she could be in rehab to skip jail time...a lot of times especially for a female crying a judge will give them rehab as an option....but I'm sure some people change...though I don't know of any....

She was never in front of a judge. The choice to enter treatment was completely hers which is definitely a good sign. I will be paying for the airline ticket down here and groceries, anything other than that will be her responsibility so she'll be looking for a job pretty much immediately. She was actually holding down a 40hr/week job right up till the day she entered rehab.

I was very up front about the fact that I have a zero tolerance policy for any illegal substances in my home or even in my presence. No weed, no nothing.

I have a friend that went into cardiac arrest at 17 years old due to drug use and has been clean for almost 9 years now so I know it can be done. Only time will tell I guess.

 

[jdawg 5,000+ posts]

yea, its not. I went through that with coke a while ago. Luckily I realized that and quit flat out. I wasnt so bad, just doing a little each day and alot on the weekends. Wasnt to the point where I was selling shit. Just using all my money. I have been battling alcoholism though. I was out of control for a while. Went to AA, it helped and some counseling, it helped. Quit for almost a year. THen started again, still drink sometimes but I can control it and not let it get out of hand. Guess I had to get it out of my system, but with other drugs like herione, meth, crack, etc. I dont think it could be done where you could just do it sometimes. You have to quit forever.

 

[Tiger Bass 5,000+ posts]

Well, that does look like a good sign. I wish you luck in helping her out.