advice needed...helping friend with drug addiction

[BIG-SMOOTH 10+ year member]

I moved clear across the country to give myself a fresh start a few years ago and although it has worked out very well for me, I managed to lose contact with alot of my old friends. I recently got in contact with an old friend through a family member of theirs only to find out that she has developed some serious drug abuse problems over the last few years. Not exactly the news you want to hear after all this time, but shit/life happens I suppose. Anyways, roughly two months ago my friend had a heroin overdose and was actually clinically dead until they revived her in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. Once at the hospital they induced a coma while they worked on cleaning out her system and what not. 6 weeks ago she checked herself into a treatment facility and seems to be doing really well. Sounds like her old self again and is looking forward to having a chance at becoming a productive part of society again.

I've been talking to her daily since I found out what was going on. She lives in a fairly large city that is pretty bad in regards to drug use and all her friends there are addicts too. I used to live there myself, so I'm well aware of the situation she'll be putting herself in if she stays there once out of treatment. Although it's been quite awhile since I've actually seen this person, I still care alot for her and the thought of her getting out of rehab and going back to the same environment and the same friends scares the shit out of me.

Earlier this week I made the offer to buy her a plane ticket and have her come to stay with me for as long as she deems necessary immediately after her treatment program is completed (it's a 90 day program). I live in a much better area and I maintain a drug free house so that should help quite a bit to minimize the temptation. All I want is for her to stay clean, get a job and get back to a semi-normal life like the rest of society. I just want to see her happy!

Anyways, sorry about the long *** post, but if there is anyone on here who has had a friend/family member deal with addiction or if you have yourself I would really appreciate any suggestions you may have on giving my friend the best chance for a new lease on life. Thanks guys!

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[MisterGrubbs 5,000+ posts]

The optional move is a great thing, if she is willing to do it. Heroin is not something to be taken lightly. If she wants to drop it and is willing to try and has people around her who would like to help, things can definitely go very well for her, on the other hand if she is surrounded by the negative and she is constantly exposed to it, she will more than likely fall into it again. I've had a few friends go through rehab for coke, heroin, and even drinking, many of them changed their ways but a couple fell back into it.

Help her as much as you can, dont avoid the situation being brought up with drugs because it will come at her again one day, all you can do is help her get stronger and pray that she chooses to stay away from it. A lot of times people do shit like that for the feeling as well as the lack of excitement in their life, or at least that's the reason I smoked a hell of a lot of pot and popped pills in the day. If I had to say, straightening up for a while and finding a significant other in her life will help, but downfalls will come. It's her choice.

It's just my opinion though, I could be ignorant.

 

[BIG-SMOOTH 10+ year member]

Thanks Grubbs,

When I spoke to her yesterday she did agree to come down here so I'm working on getting an airline ticket for her and getting a room setup in my home for her right now. She gets out of treatment November 8th. I think for the most part the drugs became her escape. Her way of "coping" with life. Obviously, if she wants to find drugs down here they are to be had, but it won't be all around her like they are where she is at currently. I don't do any drugs at all (I experimented with pot and meth in high school, but haven't touched the stuff in years) and all of my friends are clean also so it should make for a much better environment for her.

I personally carry alot of guilt on my shoulders for the situation since her and myself were a very serious couple for quite a few years and went through a pretty bad breakup mostly due to alot of interference on behalf of my friends and family. When we were together she didn't even drink alcohol, but she started using drugs almost immediately after that all went down and I feel like I let her down by not staying in her life enough to know what was going on. I wish I could have stopped this before it got to the point it is at now.

When I spoke to her the other day she inquired about the possibility of the two of us working things out and possibly trying to start a relationship again. While I would be thrilled at the idea of that I tried to downplay it as much as possible and told her that priority #1 for right now is just to keep her clean and get HER life back on track. Then we'll worry about that.

One of my biggest concerns is that while I don't even keep alcohol in my house (I have a history of alcoholism in my family which makes me very cautious about my use), I do occasionally go out with friends to party. Once she is settled in, would it be wise to allow her to join me when out at the clubs for a drink or is it best to stay away from anything even remotely "drug-like"? I'm sure it is the lesser of two evils, but the thought of her trading in one addiction for another has me kinda worried. Would it be worthwhile to get her involved with narcotics anonymous meetings down here?

 

[MikeofTulsa Moderator]

I moved clear across the country to give myself a fresh start a few years ago and although it has worked out very well for me, I managed to lose contact with alot of my old friends. I recently got in contact with an old friend through a family member of theirs only to find out that she has developed some serious drug abuse problems over the last few years. Not exactly the news you want to hear after all this time, but shit/life happens I suppose. Anyways, roughly two months ago my friend had a heroin overdose and was actually clinically dead until they revived her in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. Once at the hospital they induced a coma while they worked on cleaning out her system and what not. 6 weeks ago she checked herself into a treatment facility and seems to be doing really well. Sounds like her old self again and is looking forward to having a chance at becoming a productive part of society again.
I've been talking to her daily since I found out what was going on. She lives in a fairly large city that is pretty bad in regards to drug use and all her friends there are addicts too. I used to live there myself, so I'm well aware of the situation she'll be putting herself in if she stays there once out of treatment. Although it's been quite awhile since I've actually seen this person, I still care alot for her and the thought of her getting out of rehab and going back to the same environment and the same friends scares the shit out of me.

Earlier this week I made the offer to buy her a plane ticket and have her come to stay with me for as long as she deems necessary immediately after her treatment program is completed (it's a 90 day program). I live in a much better area and I maintain a drug free house so that should help quite a bit to minimize the temptation. All I want is for her to stay clean, get a job and get back to a semi-normal life like the rest of society. I just want to see her happy!

Anyways, sorry about the long *** post, but if there is anyone on here who has had a friend/family member deal with addiction or if you have yourself I would really appreciate any suggestions you may have on giving my friend the best chance for a new lease on life. Thanks guys!

we are currently doing the same thing for my mother in law

 

[BIG-SMOOTH 10+ year member]

we are currently doing the same thing for my mother in law

Any suggestions you have for me from your experience so far would be greatly appreciated. As rampant as drug and alcohol abuse is in this country I figured there had to be at least a few people on here that have gone or are going through a similar situation.

All I can really do is give her a comfortable environment to live in and to be the most supportive friend to her that I can, but if you can think of any particulars that are worth noting that'd be great. I have pretty much no experience with heroin addiction so I've been looking on different online sites trying to soak up as much information as possible and taking note of signs to look for to ensure that if she does relapse I can catch it as quickly as possible.

All I know is that I've never heard of a casual heroin user. Basically there are two options, get clean and stay clean or die. Might be a year, might be 10 years, but sooner or later it'll kill her if she doesn't stay off the shit. I already got a call back in march that a close friend of mine committed ******* (he was on coke at the time) and I refuse to get another call like that.

 

[TurdFergueson2 5,000+ posts]

It's a mixed bag. I mean just because you take the lion out of the jungle that doesnt make them a vegetarian. Addiction is one of the worst things in life IMO. Everything can be going well and that "itch" may resurface. Have you prepared yourself for what might be? I am in no way trying to shit on your plans, but even though you mean well you cannot assume that moving them to a rural area will help them overcome. It may for a while, but again that itch. But anything positive at this moment will help. You are a good friend for even considering it.

 

[BIG-SMOOTH 10+ year member]

It's a mixed bag. I mean just because you take the lion out of the jungle that doesnt make them a vegetarian. Addiction is one of the worst things in life IMO. Everything can be going well and that "itch" may resurface. Have you prepared yourself for what might be? I am in no way trying to shit on your plans, but even though you mean well you cannot assume that moving them to a rural area will help them overcome. It may for a while, but again that itch. But anything positive at this moment will help. You are a good friend for even considering it.

Yeah, I realize that it is in no way guaranteed that she will stay clean even with a change in location, but I've spoken with her and her family and everyone is in agreement that it'll significantly improve her chances at success. I know I may be opening a can of worms for myself, but I'm willing to take that chance if it means she'll have a shot at reaching her potential. I'm far from being in a "rural" area although the area I live has significantly less drugs and crime than where I'm originally from and where she is now. As optimistic as I am at her chances for working through this I'm not naive enough to think that everything will be perfect. She'll have alot of shit to work out and having someone to lean on is going to be paramount.

 

[tEh koRnDog 5,000+ posts]

add another Ca.com profession to the list.....

Drug counseling

 

[faulkton 5,000+ posts]

write her off and forget about her.

If you don't, you will regret it when she starts stealing your shit to buy dope.

 

[Pl8er 5,000+ posts]

It sounds like you have thought this out pretty well. I think your offer is a really good one.

Just remember that we can't change each other, only ourselves. Don't go into this thinking that if she doesn't want to break the habit, you can break it for her.

Not many people get a golden ticket, I hope she is grateful.

 

[BIG-SMOOTH 10+ year member]

It sounds like you have thought this out pretty well. I think your offer is a really good one.
Just remember that we can't change each other, only ourselves. Don't go into this thinking that if she doesn't want to break the habit, you can break it for her.

Not many people get a golden ticket, I hope she is grateful.

Considering she checked herself into treatment and has remained there for the last 6 weeks I would imagine that she is pretty serious about getting off the shit. If being dead for almost 10 minutes isn't rock bottom, I don't know what is.//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/wow.gif.23d729408e9177caa2a0ed6a2ba6588e.gif

 

[SethPhillips 5,000+ posts]

write her off and forget about her.
If you don't, you will regret it when she starts stealing your shit to buy dope.

that's sad but true!!!

my sister is a recovering heroin addict.. she lost everything kid's house... life. and she has been clean ( heroin) for the last 3 years. married and lives in a big house.. but she will relapse every month or so... and go smoke crack and shit like that...

it's hard to say.. more on the personality of the person. and if there willing to really take ahold of there life and go on the stright and narrow.

you know in her head she's thinking that moveing to another state it's all going to go away... you gotta understand it's all in ur mind state...

say if im not in my right mind.. and i move to hawaii or something im still gunna be in that mind state...

just watch her... closely... honestly it's hard some times and the shit i have delt with over the years with my sister's addiction.. i dont think i would even take in another person... not worth it!! addiction emotionaly ****s a person up... for life.

 

[SethPhillips 5,000+ posts]

Considering she checked herself into treatment and has remained there for the last 6 weeks I would imagine that she is pretty serious about getting off the shit. If being dead for almost 10 minutes isn't rock bottom, I don't know what is.//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/wow.gif.23d729408e9177caa2a0ed6a2ba6588e.gif

my sis has hit " rock bottom" twice. they where zipping her up in a body bag when she came too...

and she still relapses.... soo i think it's all on the person and there personality...

there where time's where she would disregard me, my mother, ect to get high.. it's a terrible thing..

 

[mlstrass 5,000+ posts]

I wish you luck man as your good intentions are more than likely going to put you on a roller coaster you never knew existed.

If you can truly understand and accept one thing it will help immensly: There is absolutely NOTHING you can do to stop her from using if/when she wants to and NOTHING you say/do makes her want to use, she's an addict and it's ALL on her....

Personally I'd run the other direction as I wasted the last 10 years of my marriage trying to get my ex sober. Live and learn....

 

[BIG-SMOOTH 10+ year member]

I wish you luck man as your good intentions are more than likely going to put you on a roller coaster you never knew existed.
If you can truly understand and accept one thing it will help immensly: There is absolutely NOTHING you can do to stop her from using if/when she wants to and NOTHING you say/do makes her want to use, she's an addict and it's ALL on her....

Personally I'd run the other direction as I wasted the last 10 years of my marriage trying to get my ex sober. Live and learn....

Yeah, I realize there isn't anything I can do if she doesn't truly want to stay clean. All I can do is provide a better environment to do that, provide some sort of support system and hope for the best. She is well aware that this is a one shot opportunity. First time I find drugs in my house or I see her high, she'll be on the next flight back home. Absolutely no exceptions.