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turn speakers up, stare at page for at least three minutes, then ill let you know my paypal //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/smile.gif.1ebc41e1811405b213edfc4622c41e27.gif
http://www.funnyjunk.com/pages/insanity_test.htm
http://www.funnyjunk.com/pages/insanity_test.htm
A Chinese man arranges for a hooker to come to his room for the evening. Once in the room they undress, climb into bed, and go at it.
When finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window, takes a deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into bed with the hooker and commences to repeat the performance.
The hooker is impressed with the gusto of the second encounter. When finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window, takes a deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into bed with the hooker and starts again.
The hooker is amazed as this sequence is repeated four times. During the fifth encore, she decides to try it herself.
So when they are done she jumps up, goes to the window and takes a deep breath of fresh air, dives under the bed... and finds four Chinese men.
When finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window, takes a deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into bed with the hooker and commences to repeat the performance.
The hooker is impressed with the gusto of the second encounter. When finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window, takes a deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into bed with the hooker and starts again.
The hooker is amazed as this sequence is repeated four times. During the fifth encore, she decides to try it herself.
So when they are done she jumps up, goes to the window and takes a deep breath of fresh air, dives under the bed... and finds four Chinese men.
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge.
The brain said: "I should be in charge, because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the heart, "because I pump the blood and circulate oxygen all over the body, so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach, "because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, and the blood was toxic. Eventually the other organs gave in. They all agreed that the rectum should be the boss.
The moral of the story?
You don't have to be smart or important to be in charge... just an *******!!
The brain said: "I should be in charge, because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the heart, "because I pump the blood and circulate oxygen all over the body, so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach, "because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, and the blood was toxic. Eventually the other organs gave in. They all agreed that the rectum should be the boss.
The moral of the story?
You don't have to be smart or important to be in charge... just an *******!!
Two guys, one from West Virginia and one from Kentucky, were walking across a field when they came across a sheep whose head was locked between the pickets of a fence. Knowing a good thing when he sees it, the guy from Kentucky drops his drawers and does the sheep. When he's finished, he pulls up his pants and tell the West Virginian, "OK, now it's your turn." So the West Virginian bends over and puts his head between the pickets.
A ten year old boy is walking down the street dragging a dead frog on a string. He walks up into a *****house and says to the madame, " I would like one girl please." The madame looks at the young boy and says, " I'm sorry I can't help you, you're too young." So the boy digs into his pocket and whips out two hundred bucks and throws it on the counter. The madame picks up the money up and says, "I think we will be able to work something out here."
Then the boy says, "On one condition...The girl has to have active herpes." The madame drops the money back onto the counter and says, "Well I'm sorry I can't help you. All my girls are clean, they get tested every week." So the boy digs back into his pocket and whips out another two hundred bucks and throws it onto the counter. And the madame says, "Actually, I think I have just the girl for you." So the boy goes upstairs and does his thing with the girl.
He is on his way down the stairs to leave and he's still dragging that dead frog by a string. The madame stops him as he's leaving and says, "Can I ask you a question before you leave?" and the kid says, " Yeah sure." The madame asks, "Why in the hell would a kid your age want a girl with active herpes? You're gonna keep that the rest of your life, that's insane!"
The boy retorts, "Well it goes like this... I'm gonna go home now and fuck my babysitter. About 11:00 tonight mom and dad will come home. Dad will take the babysitter home and he'll fuck her. Then he'll come back that same night and fuck my mom. Than about 9:00 tomorrow morning the milkman comes, and that's the motherfucker who killed my frog!"
Then the boy says, "On one condition...The girl has to have active herpes." The madame drops the money back onto the counter and says, "Well I'm sorry I can't help you. All my girls are clean, they get tested every week." So the boy digs back into his pocket and whips out another two hundred bucks and throws it onto the counter. And the madame says, "Actually, I think I have just the girl for you." So the boy goes upstairs and does his thing with the girl.
He is on his way down the stairs to leave and he's still dragging that dead frog by a string. The madame stops him as he's leaving and says, "Can I ask you a question before you leave?" and the kid says, " Yeah sure." The madame asks, "Why in the hell would a kid your age want a girl with active herpes? You're gonna keep that the rest of your life, that's insane!"
The boy retorts, "Well it goes like this... I'm gonna go home now and fuck my babysitter. About 11:00 tonight mom and dad will come home. Dad will take the babysitter home and he'll fuck her. Then he'll come back that same night and fuck my mom. Than about 9:00 tomorrow morning the milkman comes, and that's the motherfucker who killed my frog!"
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