WTB: Best joke..?
- Thread starter its_bacon12
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...that's it
How do you get a bunch of forum members busy?
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Create this thread. //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/laugh.gif.48439b2acf2cfca21620f01e7f77d1e4.gif//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/tongue.gif.6130eb82179565f6db8d26d6001dcd24.gif
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Create this thread. //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/laugh.gif.48439b2acf2cfca21620f01e7f77d1e4.gif//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/tongue.gif.6130eb82179565f6db8d26d6001dcd24.gif
so one day a blond is drivin on the highway and cuts off a trucker. the trucker catches up honks his horn and signals for the blond to pull over. the trucker gets out and walks over to the blonds car he tells her to get out so she does. the trucker then draws a circle on the side fo the road ans tells her to stand in it. "Do not move from it." he yells yo her then the trucker procedes to smash in one of the blonds tail ights. as hes doing this he can here the blond laughing. "ok." he says you think thats funny he then goes over and smashes in the blonds windshield. the blond starts laughing louder now. so the trucker goes in with a knife and starts cutting up the seats. at this point the blond is laughing histaricaly. pissed off the trucker goes to his truck to grab a can of gasoline. he then procedes to llight the blonds car on fire. "there what do you think about that?" asks the trucker. the blond is still laughin.
"whats so dang funny?" asks the trucker. the blond replies "when you wernt looking i stepped out of the circle."
"whats so dang funny?" asks the trucker. the blond replies "when you wernt looking i stepped out of the circle."
A burnet is standing on a set of train tracks jumping up and down screaming 48 48 48. a blond sees her and decides it looks like fun so she get on the tracks and starts jumping an yelling 48 48 48. a train start heading in their direction the burnet gets off the tracks and the blond is hit by the train. The burnet then gets back on the tracks and starts jumping and yelling 49 49 49.
Two men are sitting in the doctor's office. The one looks at the other one and says, "What are you here for?" The man replied "I have a red ring around my pecker, What are you here for?" The other man said, "I have a green ring around my pecker." The doctor called the man with the red ring first in his office and examined him. As he was walking out he told the other guy it was no problem. The doctor called the man in with the green ring around his pecker and examined him. The doctor says, "Your pecker is gonna fall off and you are gonna die". The mans says, "What?? You told the man with the red ring he was ok, but I'm gonna die??" The doctor said, "Yes but there's a lot of difference lipstick and gangrene!"
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Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says "Sisters, you all led such wonderful lives that I'm granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you want to be."
The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and *poof* she's gone.
The second says, "I want to be Madonna;" and *poof* she's gone.
The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini."
St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says.
"Sara Pipalini;" replies the nun.
St. Peter shakes his head and says; "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."
The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says "No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."
_____________________________________________________________
There were these three farmers that wanted to win the state fair contest for having the largest hog. They decide that they should stick a cork in the pigs *** and feed him for a month before the fair. The only problem was that none of them wanted to be the one to stick the cork in. So they bought a monkey and trained him to stick corks in bottles. After a week or two of this, they stick the monkey in the pen with the pig and a cork, and after a minute, the monkey did what he was supposed to do. The farmers fed the pig for a month and sure enough, they won first prize. Once they got home, they realized they still had to take the cork out. So they trained this same monkey to take corks out of bottles. They stuck the monkey in the pen with the pig, and the farmers woke up three days later in the hospital with a reporter sitting next to them. The reporter asked the first farmer, "What is the last thing you remember?" "Shit flying everywhere," the farmer replied. The reporter asked the second farmer the same question and got the same response. When she got to the third farmer and asked him what he could remember, he started crying. The reporter asked, "What's the matter?" The farmer replied, "The last thing I remember is the look on the poor monkey's face as he tried to stick the cork back in."
________________________________________________________________
Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says "Sisters, you all led such wonderful lives that I'm granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you want to be."
The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and *poof* she's gone.
The second says, "I want to be Madonna;" and *poof* she's gone.
The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini."
St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says.
"Sara Pipalini;" replies the nun.
St. Peter shakes his head and says; "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."
The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says "No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."
_____________________________________________________________
There were these three farmers that wanted to win the state fair contest for having the largest hog. They decide that they should stick a cork in the pigs *** and feed him for a month before the fair. The only problem was that none of them wanted to be the one to stick the cork in. So they bought a monkey and trained him to stick corks in bottles. After a week or two of this, they stick the monkey in the pen with the pig and a cork, and after a minute, the monkey did what he was supposed to do. The farmers fed the pig for a month and sure enough, they won first prize. Once they got home, they realized they still had to take the cork out. So they trained this same monkey to take corks out of bottles. They stuck the monkey in the pen with the pig, and the farmers woke up three days later in the hospital with a reporter sitting next to them. The reporter asked the first farmer, "What is the last thing you remember?" "Shit flying everywhere," the farmer replied. The reporter asked the second farmer the same question and got the same response. When she got to the third farmer and asked him what he could remember, he started crying. The reporter asked, "What's the matter?" The farmer replied, "The last thing I remember is the look on the poor monkey's face as he tried to stick the cork back in."
One Night After Watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire... A man and his wife went to bed and the man was getting very frisky. He asked his wife if she was in the mood. His wife answered, "Not tonight dear, I have a headache." The man replied, "Is that your final answer?" She said "Yes." "OK, then I'd like to phone a friend." he replied.
________________________________________________________
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.
The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"
The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. "Yes?" replied the teacher. "Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
________________________________________________________
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.
The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"
The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. "Yes?" replied the teacher. "Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
OP
- Thread Starter
- #68
haha dbfan ur right up there with voa..
best part is those are clean jokes too that i can share with my daddy! //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/rolleyes.gif.c1fef805e9d1464d377451cd5bc18bfb.gif
best part is those are clean jokes too that i can share with my daddy! //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/rolleyes.gif.c1fef805e9d1464d377451cd5bc18bfb.gif
OP
- Thread Starter
- #71
im sawwy weq i just read them...pretty good stuff //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/laugh.gif.48439b2acf2cfca21620f01e7f77d1e4.gif
god i have to do this more often...
maybe find some change in the couch?
Bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli13: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
Bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli13: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli13: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
Bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli13: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli13: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
Bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli13: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
Bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They ****ing charge your ***.
j_gurli13: stop, cmon be serious.
Bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ***.
Bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli13: thats it.
Bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
Bloodninja: **** am I hard now.
http://www.sreality.org/bloodcyber.html#yo
My friend linked me up to this site. I am not taking all credit for these but I am taking all credit for showing it to you guys. Man those are good.
Oh yeah and what do Micheal Jackson and santa have in common???
They both leave little boys houses with empty sacs //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/smile.gif.1ebc41e1811405b213edfc4622c41e27.gif .
That one was pretty good b/c it came from my mom.
Oh yeah and one more.........
There is a blonde and a brunette watching a CHANNEL 5 BREAKING NEWS!!! The Brunette just walks in from work and says whats going on. The blonde explains that there is a guy on the bridge who is threatening to jump. The blonde decides to make it interesting and bets the brunette 50$ that the guy won't jump. The brunette takes it and they watch intently. Then all of a sudden when it looks like he will be saved, L8r he jumps off the edge. Hit the water and its all over. So the blonde is about to pay the brunette and the brunette notices that this news happened earlier and it is a replay. So she tells the blonde its ok I heard about this crazy guy at work and already knew he was gonna jump, don't worry about the 50$. The blonde goes no thats cool I watched it earlier I just didnt' think he would have the balls to do it twice.
Thanks for putting me in the top 5
j_gurli13: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
Bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli13: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli13: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
Bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli13: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli13: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
Bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli13: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
Bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They ****ing charge your ***.
j_gurli13: stop, cmon be serious.
Bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ***.
Bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli13: thats it.
Bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
Bloodninja: **** am I hard now.
http://www.sreality.org/bloodcyber.html#yo
My friend linked me up to this site. I am not taking all credit for these but I am taking all credit for showing it to you guys. Man those are good.
Oh yeah and what do Micheal Jackson and santa have in common???
They both leave little boys houses with empty sacs //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/smile.gif.1ebc41e1811405b213edfc4622c41e27.gif .
That one was pretty good b/c it came from my mom.
Oh yeah and one more.........
There is a blonde and a brunette watching a CHANNEL 5 BREAKING NEWS!!! The Brunette just walks in from work and says whats going on. The blonde explains that there is a guy on the bridge who is threatening to jump. The blonde decides to make it interesting and bets the brunette 50$ that the guy won't jump. The brunette takes it and they watch intently. Then all of a sudden when it looks like he will be saved, L8r he jumps off the edge. Hit the water and its all over. So the blonde is about to pay the brunette and the brunette notices that this news happened earlier and it is a replay. So she tells the blonde its ok I heard about this crazy guy at work and already knew he was gonna jump, don't worry about the 50$. The blonde goes no thats cool I watched it earlier I just didnt' think he would have the balls to do it twice.
Thanks for putting me in the top 5
Ok I got some time to kill lets see what I can remember.
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221
A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender inquires."I want 10 shots of Everclear" responded the young man. "10 shots! Are you celebrating something?" "Yeah, my first blowjob.""Well, in that case, let me give you a 11th on the house." "No offence, sir. But if 10 shots won't get rid of the taste, Nothing will."
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife,"Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years." Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here ***** as jaybirds fifty years ago." "Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say..... should we get *****?" Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!.
lol wonder what else I can get
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221
A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender inquires."I want 10 shots of Everclear" responded the young man. "10 shots! Are you celebrating something?" "Yeah, my first blowjob.""Well, in that case, let me give you a 11th on the house." "No offence, sir. But if 10 shots won't get rid of the taste, Nothing will."
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife,"Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years." Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here ***** as jaybirds fifty years ago." "Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say..... should we get *****?" Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!.
lol wonder what else I can get
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course", comes the reply. The first man then asks: "Where are you from?" "I'm from Ireland", replies the second man. The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Lets have another round to Ireland." "Of course", replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks: "Wherein Ireland are you from?" "Dublin", comes the reply. "I can't believe it", says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin." "Of course", replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?" "Saint Mary's", replies the second man. "I graduated in '62." "This is unbelievable", the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and graduated in '62, too!" About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?", he asks the bartender. "Nothing much", replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."
Oh yeah......
One day this black guy woke up and his face was completely white from forehead to neck. He was like OMG I'm turning white Nooooooooooooooooooo!. So he calls up his doctor and tells him whats going on. The doctor nearly fainted and yelled into the phone. "Get down here as fast as you can!" So the guy jumped in his car and hauled *** down to his doctors office. When he arrived he didn't even stop at the reception office just straight into the doctors office. The doctor was eagerly waiting for him and had a cup in his hands. He gave it to the guy and said hurry drink this we might still have time. The guy barely choked it down and miraculously turned black again, and then threw the cup down saying OMG that tasted like shit. The doctor said it was you were a quart low.
What word starts with "N" and ends with "R" that you never want to call a black person?
Neighbor.
Why can't Mexicans be firefighters?
They can't tell Jose from hose B.
Why does the Mexcian Olympic team **** soo bad???
All of them that can run, jump or swim are already in America
One day this black guy woke up and his face was completely white from forehead to neck. He was like OMG I'm turning white Nooooooooooooooooooo!. So he calls up his doctor and tells him whats going on. The doctor nearly fainted and yelled into the phone. "Get down here as fast as you can!" So the guy jumped in his car and hauled *** down to his doctors office. When he arrived he didn't even stop at the reception office just straight into the doctors office. The doctor was eagerly waiting for him and had a cup in his hands. He gave it to the guy and said hurry drink this we might still have time. The guy barely choked it down and miraculously turned black again, and then threw the cup down saying OMG that tasted like shit. The doctor said it was you were a quart low.
What word starts with "N" and ends with "R" that you never want to call a black person?
Neighbor.
Why can't Mexicans be firefighters?
They can't tell Jose from hose B.
Why does the Mexcian Olympic team **** soo bad???
All of them that can run, jump or swim are already in America
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