Worst Date You've Ever Been On.

[Insanity Wolf]

Since this is my thread I should post.
Aight, unless someone died in a date (hey, who knows) I do believe I have the worst date ever. I mean.... ever. So, I'm newly single from a bad breakup of 5 years. She leaves me for another gal, and her friends (feminazis) decide to "right a wrong" and rob me of everything I own, save for my dog, bed and SOME of my clothes. Anyways.

So I'm a few months along, and try a dating website, yahoo personals. A gal messages me, she's hispanic (I'm white, I don't discriminate) and I'm like, alright, your picture looks ok, you type a little innocently, immature, but text is sterile. I give her a shot, and we meet a bit south of me in a mall. It's public, they have restaurants, if things don't work out well, that's fine we can go our separate ways. So I go there, and she messages me where she is in the mall, and I see a gal, but it doesn't look much of anything like the gal I've been talking to. Sorta, but like her uglier sister. Well... it's her. She photoshopped her pictures. A lot. Her smooth face in the pictures? Nah, moles all over. I'm not talking 1-2, I mean like dozens. ALL. OVER. HER. FACE. It's so strange, and repulsive. Most guys would be like "... I'm out ******" but I don't want to hurt her feelings. I figure I'll chat, see what's up. I introduce myself to her, she says hi, and we walk through the mall. I notice a few minutes later someone is following us, shop to shop. "Oh, that's my mom." she says. It bothers me a bit, and I ask, why is her mom here? (by the way, we are both 25+). She explains her mom came along for the meet. With her brother-in-law. And his wife (pregnant, btw, 8 months along). The gal keeps trying to kiss me in every store, but her mom is literally in the other isle givin me "the eye". It's freaky as hell, and not in a good way.

So we, after an hour, go to the food court and get some food with the entire family. They seem nice, but it's just too damned creepy. They invite me back to their place for cards and "family games". No orgies, but more of a grilling. They want me back at their place to grill me about their daughter. Not good for me. My stomach starts acting up as we're finishing up dinner, but it's not feeling like my stomach, like a weird diarrheal feeling. I excuse myself to the bathroom, where the feeling of needing to "go" intensifies, quickly.

I enter the bathroom, downing a immodium as I enter, I'm sweating and I do not feel good at all. I saddle up to the toilet, not much, and the feeling moves into my kidneys. It's all fast, I'm sweating, I don't feel good at all. It's not food poisoning, my stomach is fine, but I feel like I have a goddamned iron spike moving from my kidneys to my ****, and I'm not liking this at all, and it's getting bad.

I see her outside the bathroom, and she says her family has gone to meet us nearby for me tot follow them to their house, but we're parked at different areas of the mall, so we're to meet up at a nearby Denny's. While driving there, my **** 'track' feels like it's on fire, the pain is to intense I'm afraid I've broken something and I don't know what, or how. We get to the Denny's parking lot and I bust inside. "Customers only" the sign says, but I don't give a ****. I get into the bathroom, pull up to a urinal and whip out my thang. At this point, I'm either going to **** my pants, **** an iron spike out, or pass out. I actually briefly pass out for a second, I catch myself falling against the wall in pain, but nothing coming out.

I zip up, and stumble outside. My ugly ******* date is standing next to my car, and the world goes gray, such a weird ******* feeling. I fall into the grass on my knees. The pain is so intense, I'm half a second from passing out. I try and mumble something to her about being in mortal pain, that I might need to go to the doctor, and there she is, 1/2 an inch from my face, hairy moles all over her face. I want to puke on her, but I'm in so much pain, and she closes her eyes, and moves in a bit further for a kiss. A ******* KISS! While I'm passing out in pain. I push her away and stumble to my car and manage to peel out. I'm not sure how I made it to the highway, I should have gone to the hospital. I don't even know how I managed much of anything. Once I got back to my apartment about an hour later, the pain was gone, just a little pebble in the toilet.

tl;dr I went on a date with a gal who photoshopped her picture because she was grotesque, she brought her family with her, and I passed a kidney-stone on the date.

SHOULD HAVE FUCKED HER AND PASSED THE KIDNEY STONE INTO HER URINARY TRACT

o

 

[Rich B 5,000+ posts]

Handcuffs, whips, and then she shows me her prized possession......... an actual cattle prod.

Lets just say I got out as fast as possible!

 

[09civic 5,000+ posts]

Many lulz ITT

 

[Suicide Bobb 5,000+ posts]

Thats a pretty good one! I put you in a close second to this one only because you dont have pictures to go with your story......
Worst possible "date" ever...I don't even... FML (serios) - Bodybuilding.com Forums

That was quite literally the funniest story I have EVER read.

 

[ChevyRidinLow]

she's hispanic (I'm white, I don't discriminate)

lol this was very ironic

 

[Trancer 10+ year member]

I love this thread. Good one Nate

 

[Imtjnotu 5,000+ posts]

Now we have meme members

 

[nateberrier 10+ year member]

Ok guys. Here is THE WORST STORY.

Tucker tries ... hilarity does not ensue « TuckerMax.com

 

[Trollface]

Now we have meme members

Porblem?

 

[matt_bennett05 10+ year member]

I'm guessing you still piihb after a couple days passed? lol

 

[Rage Guy]

Ok guys. Here is THE WORST STORY.

Can't view this on this computer FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

 

[bigbangtheory 5,000+ posts]

+1, would read again!

***** about the kidney-stones. //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/frown.gif.a3531fa0534503350665a1e957861287.gif

Get your *** checked out broski!

 

[CL1CKCLACK 5,000+ posts]

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me.

 

[LaserRed38 10+ year member]

I just sat down on the pot to catch up on my CA.com news, thinking I might rub one out while I'm in here, and totally just got turned off from myself. Thanks asshole.

 

[Trollface]

;7530754']Sticks and stones may break my bones' date=' but chains and whips excite me.[/quote']
Come on...