Worst Date You've Ever Been On.

[nateberrier 10+ year member]

Since this is my thread I should post.

Aight, unless someone died in a date (hey, who knows) I do believe I have the worst date ever. I mean.... ever. So, I'm newly single from a bad breakup of 5 years. She leaves me for another gal, and her friends (feminazis) decide to "right a wrong" and rob me of everything I own, save for my dog, bed and SOME of my clothes. Anyways.

So I'm a few months along, and try a dating website, yahoo personals. A gal messages me, she's hispanic (I'm white, I don't discriminate) and I'm like, alright, your picture looks ok, you type a little innocently, immature, but text is sterile. I give her a shot, and we meet a bit south of me in a mall. It's public, they have restaurants, if things don't work out well, that's fine we can go our separate ways. So I go there, and she messages me where she is in the mall, and I see a gal, but it doesn't look much of anything like the gal I've been talking to. Sorta, but like her uglier sister. Well... it's her. She photoshopped her pictures. A lot. Her smooth face in the pictures? Nah, moles all over. I'm not talking 1-2, I mean like dozens. ALL. OVER. HER. FACE. It's so strange, and repulsive. Most guys would be like "... I'm out ******" but I don't want to hurt her feelings. I figure I'll chat, see what's up. I introduce myself to her, she says hi, and we walk through the mall. I notice a few minutes later someone is following us, shop to shop. "Oh, that's my mom." she says. It bothers me a bit, and I ask, why is her mom here? (by the way, we are both 25+). She explains her mom came along for the meet. With her brother-in-law. And his wife (pregnant, btw, 8 months along). The gal keeps trying to kiss me in every store, but her mom is literally in the other isle givin me "the eye". It's freaky as hell, and not in a good way.

So we, after an hour, go to the food court and get some food with the entire family. They seem nice, but it's just too damned creepy. They invite me back to their place for cards and "family games". No orgies, but more of a grilling. They want me back at their place to grill me about their daughter. Not good for me. My stomach starts acting up as we're finishing up dinner, but it's not feeling like my stomach, like a weird diarrheal feeling. I excuse myself to the bathroom, where the feeling of needing to "go" intensifies, quickly.

I enter the bathroom, downing a immodium as I enter, I'm sweating and I do not feel good at all. I saddle up to the toilet, not much, and the feeling moves into my kidneys. It's all fast, I'm sweating, I don't feel good at all. It's not food poisoning, my stomach is fine, but I feel like I have a goddamned iron spike moving from my kidneys to my ****, and I'm not liking this at all, and it's getting bad.

I see her outside the bathroom, and she says her family has gone to meet us nearby for me tot follow them to their house, but we're parked at different areas of the mall, so we're to meet up at a nearby Denny's. While driving there, my **** 'track' feels like it's on fire, the pain is to intense I'm afraid I've broken something and I don't know what, or how. We get to the Denny's parking lot and I bust inside. "Customers only" the sign says, but I don't give a ****. I get into the bathroom, pull up to a urinal and whip out my thang. At this point, I'm either going to **** my pants, **** an iron spike out, or pass out. I actually briefly pass out for a second, I catch myself falling against the wall in pain, but nothing coming out.

I zip up, and stumble outside. My ugly ******* date is standing next to my car, and the world goes gray, such a weird ******* feeling. I fall into the grass on my knees. The pain is so intense, I'm half a second from passing out. I try and mumble something to her about being in mortal pain, that I might need to go to the doctor, and there she is, 1/2 an inch from my face, hairy moles all over her face. I want to puke on her, but I'm in so much pain, and she closes her eyes, and moves in a bit further for a kiss. A ******* KISS! While I'm passing out in pain. I push her away and stumble to my car and manage to peel out. I'm not sure how I made it to the highway, I should have gone to the hospital. I don't even know how I managed much of anything. Once I got back to my apartment about an hour later, the pain was gone, just a little pebble in the toilet.

tl;dr I went on a date with a gal who photoshopped her picture because she was grotesque, she brought her family with her, and I passed a kidney-stone on the date.

Click to read more...

 

[Oh6AcCoRd 10+ year member]

i copied and pasted that as my background because of how epic it is.

p.s.: ship the sub betch?

 

[Tone415 10+ year member]

I seen "ALL. OVER. HER. FACE." so i read..

 

[Wingsfreak9 10+ year member]

hahahahahahahahahaha totally worth the read. thank you.

 

[rumdada 10+ year member]

**** dude ! I hope you feel better! Ill get some strippers for you! but you may not want to kiss them either! haha

 

[5.3bowtie 10+ year member]

Thats a pretty good one! I put you in a close second to this one only because you dont have pictures to go with your story......

Worst possible "date" ever...I don't even... FML (serios) - Bodybuilding.com Forums

 

[Wingsfreak9 10+ year member]

Thats a pretty good one! I put you in a close second to this one only because you dont have pictures to go with your story......
Worst possible "date" ever...I don't even... FML (serios) - Bodybuilding.com Forums

good god lmao nate you lose...

 

[Pataforce8 10+ year member]

Wow dude, kidney stones **** no matter what. Kidney stone = automatic worst date

 

[GM4WALLS 10+ year member]

When I was 16 I had a buddy that was dating a **** named Misty. She wanted to fix me up with her "hot" friend for a double date. We go pick up this chick, and while she wasn't as physically repulsive as your mole lady, she wasn't going to win any beauty contests... well anyway, we go to a movie and walk around a mall, typical teen stuff. There was a party in our home town that night, ad we decided to go to it and drink a few beerd and sip a lil' moonshine. Well, Misty gets blasted and my buddy Bart got lucky in the front seat of his regular cab Chevy truck (our ride for the night) and some folks started to watch. One of the members of the crowd shouted out "I'm next!" and Bart shoved her up into the cab and pulled the door shut behind him. I guess he needed a tighter hole and decided to go in the backdoor... well, she screamed and he pulled out fast, she proceeded to spray the cab of the truck with the most rancid diahrea ever, triggering Bart into puking all over her back and the truck we had to ride home in! Bart came running out of the truck covered in ***** and vomit, and the crowd scattered as well! My ugly date went to check on her soiled friend, and by the time she got her upright and coherant, everyone else (including Bart) was gone. So I'm stuck with a crap covered ****, her ugly friend and the only way home was the truck filled with vomit and *****. We took the truck up to the local car wash and I called a buddy on the payphone (pre cell phone days) to bring some tools and milk crates. I pulled the bench seat out, pressure washed the interior and the drunk **** and popped the milk crates in so I had a place to sit. Then I got to take home Misty (with no clothes) and explain to her father that I didn't get her into her perdicament, but I was returning her safely, then I had to drive 30 miles one way with uggo to take her home and back in that sewer smelling Chevy. She tried to kiss me, I told her no thanks, then she asked if I would call her... I told her not a chance, then I drove home and hosed myself off in the front yard with my mom and dad laughing about the situation. Wheb Bart picked up his truck the next day I punched him in the face. This was my worst date ever!

 

[Wingsfreak9 10+ year member]

When I was 16 I had a buddy that was dating a **** named Misty. She wanted to fix me up with her "hot" friend for a double date. We go pick up this chick, and while she wasn't as physically repulsive as your mole lady, she wasn't going to win any beauty contests... well anyway, we go to a movie and walk around a mall, typical teen stuff. There was a party in our home town that night, ad we decided to go to it and drink a few beerd and sip a lil' moonshine. Well, Misty gets blasted and my buddy Bart got lucky in the front seat of his regular cab Chevy truck (our ride for the night) and some folks started to watch. One of the members of the crowd shouted out "I'm next!" and Bart shoved her up into the cab and pulled the door shut behind him. I guess he needed a tighter hole and decided to go in the backdoor... well, she screamed and he pulled out fast, she proceeded to spray the cab of the truck with the most rancid diahrea ever, triggering Bart into puking all over her back and the truck we had to ride home in! Bart came running out of the truck covered in ***** and vomit, and the crowd scattered as well! My ugly date went to check on her soiled friend, and by the time she got her upright and coherant, everyone else (including Bart) was gone. So I'm stuck with a crap covered ****, her ugly friend and the only way home was the truck filled with vomit and *****. We took the truck up to the local car wash and I called a buddy on the payphone (pre cell phone days) to bring some tools and milk crates. I pulled the bench seat out, pressure washed the interior and the drunk **** and popped the milk crates in so I had a place to sit. Then I got to take home Misty (with no clothes) and explain to her father that I didn't get her into her perdicament, but I was returning her safely, then I had to drive 30 miles one way with uggo to take her home and back in that sewer smelling Chevy. She tried to kiss me, I told her no thanks, then she asked if I would call her... I told her not a chance, then I drove home and hosed myself off in the front yard with my mom and dad laughing about the situation. Wheb Bart picked up his truck the next day I punched him in the face. This was my worst date ever!

i laughed

 

[sobe3yourself. 10+ year member]

the date with 1rockford1

nothing can top that

/thread

 

[MANTI5 10+ year member]

Good times

 

[nateberrier 10+ year member]

When I was 16 I had a buddy that was dating a **** named Misty. She wanted to fix me up with her "hot" friend for a double date. We go pick up this chick, and while she wasn't as physically repulsive as your mole lady, she wasn't going to win any beauty contests... well anyway, we go to a movie and walk around a mall, typical teen stuff. There was a party in our home town that night, ad we decided to go to it and drink a few beerd and sip a lil' moonshine. Well, Misty gets blasted and my buddy Bart got lucky in the front seat of his regular cab Chevy truck (our ride for the night) and some folks started to watch. One of the members of the crowd shouted out "I'm next!" and Bart shoved her up into the cab and pulled the door shut behind him. I guess he needed a tighter hole and decided to go in the backdoor... well, she screamed and he pulled out fast, she proceeded to spray the cab of the truck with the most rancid diahrea ever, triggering Bart into puking all over her back and the truck we had to ride home in! Bart came running out of the truck covered in ***** and vomit, and the crowd scattered as well! My ugly date went to check on her soiled friend, and by the time she got her upright and coherant, everyone else (including Bart) was gone. So I'm stuck with a crap covered ****, her ugly friend and the only way home was the truck filled with vomit and *****. We took the truck up to the local car wash and I called a buddy on the payphone (pre cell phone days) to bring some tools and milk crates. I pulled the bench seat out, pressure washed the interior and the drunk **** and popped the milk crates in so I had a place to sit. Then I got to take home Misty (with no clothes) and explain to her father that I didn't get her into her perdicament, but I was returning her safely, then I had to drive 30 miles one way with uggo to take her home and back in that sewer smelling Chevy. She tried to kiss me, I told her no thanks, then she asked if I would call her... I told her not a chance, then I drove home and hosed myself off in the front yard with my mom and dad laughing about the situation. Wheb Bart picked up his truck the next day I punched him in the face. This was my worst date ever!

Sweet LORD. Welcome to CA.com

 

[Bear Grylls]

My date didn't like the drink I served her

 

[Insanity Wolf]

When I was 16 I had a buddy that was dating a **** named Misty. She wanted to fix me up with her "hot" friend for a double date. We go pick up this chick, and while she wasn't as physically repulsive as your mole lady, she wasn't going to win any beauty contests... well anyway, we go to a movie and walk around a mall, typical teen stuff. There was a party in our home town that night, ad we decided to go to it and drink a few beerd and sip a lil' moonshine. Well, Misty gets blasted and my buddy Bart got lucky in the front seat of his regular cab Chevy truck (our ride for the night) and some folks started to watch. One of the members of the crowd shouted out "I'm next!" and Bart shoved her up into the cab and pulled the door shut behind him. I guess he needed a tighter hole and decided to go in the backdoor... well, she screamed and he pulled out fast, she proceeded to spray the cab of the truck with the most rancid diahrea ever, triggering Bart into puking all over her back and the truck we had to ride home in! Bart came running out of the truck covered in ***** and vomit, and the crowd scattered as well! My ugly date went to check on her soiled friend, and by the time she got her upright and coherant, everyone else (including Bart) was gone. So I'm stuck with a crap covered ****, her ugly friend and the only way home was the truck filled with vomit and *****. We took the truck up to the local car wash and I called a buddy on the payphone (pre cell phone days) to bring some tools and milk crates. I pulled the bench seat out, pressure washed the interior and the drunk **** and popped the milk crates in so I had a place to sit. Then I got to take home Misty (with no clothes) and explain to her father that I didn't get her into her perdicament, but I was returning her safely, then I had to drive 30 miles one way with uggo to take her home and back in that sewer smelling Chevy. She tried to kiss me, I told her no thanks, then she asked if I would call her... I told her not a chance, then I drove home and hosed myself off in the front yard with my mom and dad laughing about the situation. Wheb Bart picked up his truck the next day I punched him in the face. This was my worst date ever!

SOUNDS NORMAL TO ME

o