A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. He asks the biker his name.
"Fred," the biker replies.
"Fred what?" the officer asks.
"Just Fred," the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name. The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. "Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?"
The biker replies, "It's a long story, so stay with me."
"I was born Fred Dingaling. I know - a funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself, studied hard and got good grades. When
I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Dingaling, MD."
"After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD." "So now I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD. Well, the American Dental Association found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, with VD." "Then the American Medical Association found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD." "Then the VD took away my Dingaling, so now I am just Fred."
The officer walked away in tears, laughing...
"Fred," the biker replies.
"Fred what?" the officer asks.
"Just Fred," the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name. The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. "Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?"
The biker replies, "It's a long story, so stay with me."
"I was born Fred Dingaling. I know - a funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself, studied hard and got good grades. When
I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Dingaling, MD."
"After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD." "So now I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD. Well, the American Dental Association found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, with VD." "Then the American Medical Association found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD." "Then the VD took away my Dingaling, so now I am just Fred."
The officer walked away in tears, laughing...
First Time ***..........
>>
>> A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have dinner
>> with her parents.
>>
>> Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that
>> after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time
>>
>> The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had *** before, so he takes a trip to
>> the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first
>> time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy
>> everything there is to know about condoms and ***.
>>
>> At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to
>> buy, a
>> 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because
>> he
>> thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
>>
>> That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his
>> girlfriend at the door. 'Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come
>> on in!'
>>
>> He is led to the table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly
>> offers to say grace and bows his head.
>>
>> A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10
>> minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes
>> with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend,
>> 'I had no idea you were this religious.'
>>
>> The boy turns, and whispers back, 'I had no idea your father was a
>> pharmacist.'
>>
>> A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have dinner
>> with her parents.
>>
>> Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that
>> after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time
>>
>> The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had *** before, so he takes a trip to
>> the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first
>> time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy
>> everything there is to know about condoms and ***.
>>
>> At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to
>> buy, a
>> 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because
>> he
>> thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
>>
>> That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his
>> girlfriend at the door. 'Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come
>> on in!'
>>
>> He is led to the table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly
>> offers to say grace and bows his head.
>>
>> A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10
>> minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes
>> with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend,
>> 'I had no idea you were this religious.'
>>
>> The boy turns, and whispers back, 'I had no idea your father was a
>> pharmacist.'
As a bagpiper, I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man who had no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a cemetery in the remote countryside, and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there.
As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost. Being a typical man, I did not stop for directions, and finally arrived an hour late. I saw the backhoe and the crew was eating their lunch, but the hearse was nowhere in sight.
I apologized to the workers for my tardiness and stepped to the side of the open grave where I saw the vault lid already in place. I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long, but this was the proper thing to do. Still eating their lunch, the workers gathered around the grave. I played with all my heart and soul.
As I played, the workers began to weep. I played and I played like I'd never played before. I played everything from "Going Home," "The Lord is My Shepherd," to "Flowers of the Forest ." I closed the lengthy session with "Amazing Grace " and walked to my car.
As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I overheard one of the workers saying to another," I never seen nothin' like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."
As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost. Being a typical man, I did not stop for directions, and finally arrived an hour late. I saw the backhoe and the crew was eating their lunch, but the hearse was nowhere in sight.
I apologized to the workers for my tardiness and stepped to the side of the open grave where I saw the vault lid already in place. I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long, but this was the proper thing to do. Still eating their lunch, the workers gathered around the grave. I played with all my heart and soul.
As I played, the workers began to weep. I played and I played like I'd never played before. I played everything from "Going Home," "The Lord is My Shepherd," to "Flowers of the Forest ." I closed the lengthy session with "Amazing Grace " and walked to my car.
As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I overheard one of the workers saying to another," I never seen nothin' like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."
silvercookie
5,000+ posts
WRX
how do you fit 4 gays on a bar stool?
turn it upside down.
turn it upside down.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau:
9,000 people are screwing right now,
2,000 are kissing.
100 are getting head, and
1 lonely *** hole is reading this thread.
You hang in there,
Sunshine!
9,000 people are screwing right now,
2,000 are kissing.
100 are getting head, and
1 lonely *** hole is reading this thread.
You hang in there,
Sunshine!
silvercookie
5,000+ posts
WRX
A little girl wrote to Sarah Palin asking, "How did the human race start?". Sarah Palin answered, "God made Adam and Eve, they had children and all mankind was made."
THe next day the little girl wrote to michelle obama and asked the same question. Michelle obama answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys in africa from which the human race evolved."
The confused girl went to her father and asked, "How come Sarah Palin told me that mankind was created by God, and michelle obama told me mankind evolved from monkeys?"
Her father answeres, "Well, it's very simple . . . Sarah Palin told you about her ancestors, and michelle obama told you about hers!"
If Whites and blacks had a war, what would it be called?
KKK vs KFC! - Justin
Why is February the shortest month?
Because it's negger history month! -Tony
What does obamas CHANGE mean?
Come Help A Negger Get Elected -Jimmy
Everyone should stop being racist . . racism should be a crime, and crime is for NeGGERS! - Neil
Did you hear Hallmark was making an obama Christmas ornament?
They want to give Americans the gift they all want, that negger hanging in a tree!
What does MARTA stand for in Atlanta, GA?
Moving Africans Rapidly Through Atlanta! -Robert
What's the difference between killing time and killing neggers?
You can only kill so much time! - Justin
How do you know Noah was a White man?
No negger could stay on a boat for 40 days without eating the chickens! - Justin
What do you call a negger with a peg leg?
Shit on a stick! -joe
Why do neggers always have *** on their minds?
Because they have pubes on their heads! -Bo
What does Pontiac stand for?
Poor Old Negger Thinks It's A Cadillac! -ricky
Did you hear the one about . .
. . the baby negger who went to heaven and got his wings? He said, "God! Look! I'm an angel!", and God said, "No you stupid negger! You're a bat, now eff off!"
I like black people . . .
. . I used to have some black friends 'till my dad sold them!
What do children sing when they see a neggers hair?
Baa Baa Black Sheep! - Justin
A man walks into a bar with a picture of a cat, he tells the bartender it's $100 for the picture and $100 for the story behind it. The bartender says he'll take the picture, but doesn't care about the story. At the end of his shift he throws it in the backseat of his car and drives home. He notices thousands of cats following his car! He gets worried and stops on a bridge and throws the picture off, the thousands of cats jump off too, following the picture.
The next day the same man comes into the bar, he asks the bartender if he's ready for the story behind the picture. The bartender says, "No, but if you have a picture of martin luther king, jr I'll take it!" - Justin
What do you call a black hitchhiker?
Stranded! - bob
A White guy and a black guy shared a house. One day the house burnt down and only the White guy lived. Why?
The White guy was at work! - Elliot
What do you call a boatload of neggers going over a waterfall?
A chocolate fountain! -Kevin
What does the neggers favorite brand, FUBU, stand for?
****ed Up Beyond Understanding! -Jorge
How was shit invented?
God smashed a negger and gave it a better smell! -Bob
What does a negress and an ice hockey player have in common?
They both change their pads after 3 periods! -ashmoor
Why do blacks have white hands and feet?
They were on all fours when God spray painted them!
Why do black people have white hands?
They were up against the wall when God spray painted them!
Why do black people have white hands?
Everyone has some good in them! -bonz
Why do black people have white hands?
It rubs off the cop cars! -bonz
Why do more neggers get hit by cars in the winter?
They're easier to spot! -brenden
What do you call two blacks on one bike?
Organized crime! -bobo
Why are neggers getting stronger?
T.V.s are getting bigger! -tim
What happened to the negger who had an abortion?
Crime Stoppers sent her a check for $500! -tim
Why don't negger *****s wear panties to picnics?
To keep the flies away from the chicken! -michael
What's the difference between a truck full of baby neggers and a truck full of bowling balls?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork!
What does FUBU stand for?
Farmers Used to Buy Us
What does FUBU stand for?
Farmers Used to Beat Us
Why don't sharks eat neggers?
They think its whale shit!
Why do neggers call white people "honkies"?
Thats the last sound they hear before they get hit! -davey
What do they do with dead neggers in California?
Gut them to make wetsuits! -kara
Why does L.A. have so many **** and N.Y. so many neggers?
L.A. had first choice! -David
What do you call a chinese negger with AIDS?
Coon Die Soon - David
What does NAACP stand for?
******s Against All Caucasian People
What does NAACP stand for?
Now Apes Are Called People -Brandon
THe next day the little girl wrote to michelle obama and asked the same question. Michelle obama answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys in africa from which the human race evolved."
The confused girl went to her father and asked, "How come Sarah Palin told me that mankind was created by God, and michelle obama told me mankind evolved from monkeys?"
Her father answeres, "Well, it's very simple . . . Sarah Palin told you about her ancestors, and michelle obama told you about hers!"
If Whites and blacks had a war, what would it be called?
KKK vs KFC! - Justin
Why is February the shortest month?
Because it's negger history month! -Tony
What does obamas CHANGE mean?
Come Help A Negger Get Elected -Jimmy
Everyone should stop being racist . . racism should be a crime, and crime is for NeGGERS! - Neil
Did you hear Hallmark was making an obama Christmas ornament?
They want to give Americans the gift they all want, that negger hanging in a tree!
What does MARTA stand for in Atlanta, GA?
Moving Africans Rapidly Through Atlanta! -Robert
What's the difference between killing time and killing neggers?
You can only kill so much time! - Justin
How do you know Noah was a White man?
No negger could stay on a boat for 40 days without eating the chickens! - Justin
What do you call a negger with a peg leg?
Shit on a stick! -joe
Why do neggers always have *** on their minds?
Because they have pubes on their heads! -Bo
What does Pontiac stand for?
Poor Old Negger Thinks It's A Cadillac! -ricky
Did you hear the one about . .
. . the baby negger who went to heaven and got his wings? He said, "God! Look! I'm an angel!", and God said, "No you stupid negger! You're a bat, now eff off!"
I like black people . . .
. . I used to have some black friends 'till my dad sold them!
What do children sing when they see a neggers hair?
Baa Baa Black Sheep! - Justin
A man walks into a bar with a picture of a cat, he tells the bartender it's $100 for the picture and $100 for the story behind it. The bartender says he'll take the picture, but doesn't care about the story. At the end of his shift he throws it in the backseat of his car and drives home. He notices thousands of cats following his car! He gets worried and stops on a bridge and throws the picture off, the thousands of cats jump off too, following the picture.
The next day the same man comes into the bar, he asks the bartender if he's ready for the story behind the picture. The bartender says, "No, but if you have a picture of martin luther king, jr I'll take it!" - Justin
What do you call a black hitchhiker?
Stranded! - bob
A White guy and a black guy shared a house. One day the house burnt down and only the White guy lived. Why?
The White guy was at work! - Elliot
What do you call a boatload of neggers going over a waterfall?
A chocolate fountain! -Kevin
What does the neggers favorite brand, FUBU, stand for?
****ed Up Beyond Understanding! -Jorge
How was shit invented?
God smashed a negger and gave it a better smell! -Bob
What does a negress and an ice hockey player have in common?
They both change their pads after 3 periods! -ashmoor
Why do blacks have white hands and feet?
They were on all fours when God spray painted them!
Why do black people have white hands?
They were up against the wall when God spray painted them!
Why do black people have white hands?
Everyone has some good in them! -bonz
Why do black people have white hands?
It rubs off the cop cars! -bonz
Why do more neggers get hit by cars in the winter?
They're easier to spot! -brenden
What do you call two blacks on one bike?
Organized crime! -bobo
Why are neggers getting stronger?
T.V.s are getting bigger! -tim
What happened to the negger who had an abortion?
Crime Stoppers sent her a check for $500! -tim
Why don't negger *****s wear panties to picnics?
To keep the flies away from the chicken! -michael
What's the difference between a truck full of baby neggers and a truck full of bowling balls?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork!
What does FUBU stand for?
Farmers Used to Buy Us
What does FUBU stand for?
Farmers Used to Beat Us
Why don't sharks eat neggers?
They think its whale shit!
Why do neggers call white people "honkies"?
Thats the last sound they hear before they get hit! -davey
What do they do with dead neggers in California?
Gut them to make wetsuits! -kara
Why does L.A. have so many **** and N.Y. so many neggers?
L.A. had first choice! -David
What do you call a chinese negger with AIDS?
Coon Die Soon - David
What does NAACP stand for?
******s Against All Caucasian People
What does NAACP stand for?
Now Apes Are Called People -Brandon
This is a true story about a recent
wedding that took place at Clemson University .
It was in the local newspaper and even
Jay Leno mentioned it.
It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests.
After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage
with a microphone to talk to the crowd.
He said he wanted to thank
everyone for coming, many from
long distances, to support them
at their wedding
He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family
and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.
As a token of his deep appreciation
he said he wanted to give everyone
a special gift just from him.
So taped to the bottom of
everyone's chair, including the wedding party was an envelope.
He said this was his gift to
everyone, and asked them to
open their envelope.
Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy
of his bride having *** with the best man.
The groom had gotten suspicious
of them weeks earlier and had
hired a private detective to tail
them.
After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions
for a couple of minutes, he
turned to the best man and
said, 'F---you!' Then he turned
to his bride and said, 'F--- you!'
Then he turned to the
dumbfounded crowd and said,
'I'm outta here.'
He had the marriage annulled
first thing in the morning.
While most people would have canceled the wedding
immediately after finding out
about the affair, this
guy goes through with the
charade, as if nothing were wrong.
His revenge--making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a
300-guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the
bride's and best man's reputations
in front of 300 friends and family members.
This guy has balls the size of church bells.
Do you think we might get a MasterCard 'priceless'
commercial out of this?
Elegant wedding reception
for 300 family members and
friends: $32,000.
Wedding photographs commemorating the Occasion: $3,000
Deluxe two-week
honeymoon accommodations in Maui : $8,500.
The look on everyone's face
when they see the 8x10 glossy
of the bride humping the best man: Priceless.
There are some things money
can't buy, for everything else
there's MASTERCARD
wedding that took place at Clemson University .
It was in the local newspaper and even
Jay Leno mentioned it.
It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests.
After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage
with a microphone to talk to the crowd.
He said he wanted to thank
everyone for coming, many from
long distances, to support them
at their wedding
He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family
and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.
As a token of his deep appreciation
he said he wanted to give everyone
a special gift just from him.
So taped to the bottom of
everyone's chair, including the wedding party was an envelope.
He said this was his gift to
everyone, and asked them to
open their envelope.
Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy
of his bride having *** with the best man.
The groom had gotten suspicious
of them weeks earlier and had
hired a private detective to tail
them.
After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions
for a couple of minutes, he
turned to the best man and
said, 'F---you!' Then he turned
to his bride and said, 'F--- you!'
Then he turned to the
dumbfounded crowd and said,
'I'm outta here.'
He had the marriage annulled
first thing in the morning.
While most people would have canceled the wedding
immediately after finding out
about the affair, this
guy goes through with the
charade, as if nothing were wrong.
His revenge--making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a
300-guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the
bride's and best man's reputations
in front of 300 friends and family members.
This guy has balls the size of church bells.
Do you think we might get a MasterCard 'priceless'
commercial out of this?
Elegant wedding reception
for 300 family members and
friends: $32,000.
Wedding photographs commemorating the Occasion: $3,000
Deluxe two-week
honeymoon accommodations in Maui : $8,500.
The look on everyone's face
when they see the 8x10 glossy
of the bride humping the best man: Priceless.
There are some things money
can't buy, for everything else
there's MASTERCARD
silvercookie
5,000+ posts
WRX
Why did God give neggers big dicks?
As a way to say "sorry" for putting pubes on their heads! -igor
Why do neggers wear wide brimmed hats?
So birds won't shit on their lips! -Tim
Why was white chocolate invented?
So negger kids could get messy too! -Kev
What do you call a neggers car?
A 'blood vessel'. -Dean
What do you call 1,000 neggers going down a hill?
A mudslide! -robbie
What do Nikes and the KKK have in common?
They both make neggers run fast! -Jimmy
Why is there no black Miss America pageant?
Nobody want's to be Ms. Idaho! -Zeigler
What do you get when you cross a negger and a gorilla?
A dumb gorilla! -Adam
What do you call a negger having ***?
****! -Adam
How many polacks does it take to clean a bathroom?
None, it's a neggers job! -Sheeky
White folks aren't racist . .
. . we've all got colored TV's! -bob
Why do neggers hate asperin?
Because it's white and it works! -Christian
A negger walks into a bar and says, "Yo! Where do all the homies hang?". The bartender says, "out there", pointing to a tree in the back. -jon
What do you call an Ethiopian on a hunger strike?
An Ethiopian! -Jeremy
How many neggers does it take a shingle a roof?
It depends how thin you slice them! -Donald
How do you get a negger out of a tree?
Cut the rope!
Why don't negger babies play in sandboxes?
Cats keep trying to bury them! -Donald
What do you call 60,000 neggers on a plane heading back to Africa?
A good start! -Donald
What do you call a negger hiding in the woods?
A brown recluse! -Donald
What do you call a black bowling ball?
A negger egg. -J
What did God say when he made the first negger?
Oops! I put the pubes on his head! -J
What was missing from the Million Man March?
About a thousand miles of chain and an auctioneer!
What do Confederates do on the New Year?
Shoot neggers with roman candles and throw Confetti! -ozz
How do you get a negger to wear a condom?
Put a Nike logo on it! -c
How do you keep a negger ***** pleased?
Give her some fried chicken! -Andrea
What do you call 1,000 neggers at the bottom of the sea?
A good start! -Sebastian
What did God say when he made the second negger?
Oops! Burnt another one! -Nick
Why haven't any neggers died from West Nile virus?
Mosquitos don't land on shit, only flies do! -eGod
What did the negger get on his SATs?
Barbecue sauce! -Mike
Why don't neggers like blow jobs?
******s don't like ANY jobs! -Jesse Dawson
What is a negger?
Proof that skunks **** monkeys! -Jesse Dawson
As a way to say "sorry" for putting pubes on their heads! -igor
Why do neggers wear wide brimmed hats?
So birds won't shit on their lips! -Tim
Why was white chocolate invented?
So negger kids could get messy too! -Kev
What do you call a neggers car?
A 'blood vessel'. -Dean
What do you call 1,000 neggers going down a hill?
A mudslide! -robbie
What do Nikes and the KKK have in common?
They both make neggers run fast! -Jimmy
Why is there no black Miss America pageant?
Nobody want's to be Ms. Idaho! -Zeigler
What do you get when you cross a negger and a gorilla?
A dumb gorilla! -Adam
What do you call a negger having ***?
****! -Adam
How many polacks does it take to clean a bathroom?
None, it's a neggers job! -Sheeky
White folks aren't racist . .
. . we've all got colored TV's! -bob
Why do neggers hate asperin?
Because it's white and it works! -Christian
A negger walks into a bar and says, "Yo! Where do all the homies hang?". The bartender says, "out there", pointing to a tree in the back. -jon
What do you call an Ethiopian on a hunger strike?
An Ethiopian! -Jeremy
How many neggers does it take a shingle a roof?
It depends how thin you slice them! -Donald
How do you get a negger out of a tree?
Cut the rope!
Why don't negger babies play in sandboxes?
Cats keep trying to bury them! -Donald
What do you call 60,000 neggers on a plane heading back to Africa?
A good start! -Donald
What do you call a negger hiding in the woods?
A brown recluse! -Donald
What do you call a black bowling ball?
A negger egg. -J
What did God say when he made the first negger?
Oops! I put the pubes on his head! -J
What was missing from the Million Man March?
About a thousand miles of chain and an auctioneer!
What do Confederates do on the New Year?
Shoot neggers with roman candles and throw Confetti! -ozz
How do you get a negger to wear a condom?
Put a Nike logo on it! -c
How do you keep a negger ***** pleased?
Give her some fried chicken! -Andrea
What do you call 1,000 neggers at the bottom of the sea?
A good start! -Sebastian
What did God say when he made the second negger?
Oops! Burnt another one! -Nick
Why haven't any neggers died from West Nile virus?
Mosquitos don't land on shit, only flies do! -eGod
What did the negger get on his SATs?
Barbecue sauce! -Mike
Why don't neggers like blow jobs?
******s don't like ANY jobs! -Jesse Dawson
What is a negger?
Proof that skunks **** monkeys! -Jesse Dawson
dog for sale
Dog For Sale:
free to good home.
Excellent guard dog.
Owner cannot afford to feed him anymore, as there are no more thieves, murdere rs, or molesters left in the neighborhood for him to eat.
Most of them knew him as 'Holy Shit'
Dog For Sale:
free to good home.
Excellent guard dog.
Owner cannot afford to feed him anymore, as there are no more thieves, murdere rs, or molesters left in the neighborhood for him to eat.
Most of them knew him as 'Holy Shit'
The Welfare Office
A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched straight up to the counter and said, ' Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.
The social worker behind the counter said, ' Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2007 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say but you will also have as part of your job assignment to satisfy her ****** urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong *** drive. A two-bedroom loft type apartment with plasma TV, stereo, bar, etc., located above the garage will be designated for your sole use and the salary is $200,000 a year.'
The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, 'You're bullshittin' me!'
The social worker said, 'Yeah, well, you started it.'
A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched straight up to the counter and said, ' Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.
The social worker behind the counter said, ' Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2007 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say but you will also have as part of your job assignment to satisfy her ****** urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong *** drive. A two-bedroom loft type apartment with plasma TV, stereo, bar, etc., located above the garage will be designated for your sole use and the salary is $200,000 a year.'
The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, 'You're bullshittin' me!'
The social worker said, 'Yeah, well, you started it.'
Now, this is funny. I'll bet Dave Letterman does get some 'flak' from the NAACP.
Al Sharpton and the Rev Jackson will go nuts !!!
David Letterman's Top 10 reasons why there are no black NASCAR drivers:
(I bet his life will be miserable after the NAACP sees this!)
# 10 - Have to sit upright while driving.
# 9 - Pistol won't stay under front seat.
# 8 - Engine noise drowns out the rap music.
# 7 - Pit crew can't work on car while holding up pants at the same time.
# 6 - They keep trying to carjack Dale Earnhardt Jr.
# 5 - Police
cars on track interfere with race.
# 4 - No passenger seat for the Ho.
# 3 - No Cadillacs approved for competition.
# 2 - When they crash their cars, they bail out & run.
AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY BLACKS CAN'T BE IN NASCAR...
#1 -They can't wear their helmets sideways
Al Sharpton and the Rev Jackson will go nuts !!!
David Letterman's Top 10 reasons why there are no black NASCAR drivers:
(I bet his life will be miserable after the NAACP sees this!)
# 10 - Have to sit upright while driving.
# 9 - Pistol won't stay under front seat.
# 8 - Engine noise drowns out the rap music.
# 7 - Pit crew can't work on car while holding up pants at the same time.
# 6 - They keep trying to carjack Dale Earnhardt Jr.
# 5 - Police
cars on track interfere with race.
# 4 - No passenger seat for the Ho.
# 3 - No Cadillacs approved for competition.
# 2 - When they crash their cars, they bail out & run.
AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY BLACKS CAN'T BE IN NASCAR...
#1 -They can't wear their helmets sideways
soloXgt
10+ year member
Dinkum Flicka
^^^nice
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