Quick jokes...

[Loud3 10+ year member]

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain and as it was still early, she decided to go the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband.

Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."

Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.

BUT YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GUY I LOANED MY COSTUME TO!!!!!!!

Click to read more...

 

[Loud3 10+ year member]

Obama and his parrot walk into a bar, the bartender asks, " Oh, where did you get that?"

"In Africa, they are everywhere over there", said the Parrot.

 

[Loud3 10+ year member]

This guy and his wife of 5 years just got done having *** and she went down and started rubbing and massaging his balls. he looked down at her and said honey i love how you massage my balls everytime we have ***, i really enjoy it but i just dont understand why do you do that everytime we have ***?

she looked up at him and said oh baby its just cause i miss mine so much.

 

[Loud3 10+ year member]

Three white girls are sitting at a bar talking about *** when a HUGE black man walks in the door.

One girl gets the courage to get up and walks over to the black guy, "Could you please come in the ladies room with me!". "'scuse me?" said the black man. "Well my girlfriends and I want to see if it's true what they say about black men". "Ok" he said.

So he followed her into the ladies room; ***** her, beat her up, and stole her purse.

 

[Loud3 10+ year member]

two guys walk into a gay bar

the first guy sits down

the second guy asks "can i push your stool in?"

 

[Loud3 10+ year member]

A blind man walks down the road and walks past a fish market. What does he say ?

"Good Morning, Ladies."

 

[Loud3 10+ year member]

U.S Marine Corps FA-18 Fighter

In addition to communicating with the local Air Traffic Control facility, all aircraft in the Persian Gulf AOR are required to give the Iranian Air Defense Radar (military) a ten minute 'heads up' if they will be transiting Iranian airspace. This is a common procedure for commercial aircraft and involves giving them your call sign, transponder code, type aircraft, and points of origin and destination.

I just flew with a guy who overheard this conversation on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Dubai . It is too good not to pass along.

The conversation went like this...

Iranian Air Defense Radar: 'Unknown aircraft you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.'

Aircraft: 'This is a United States aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.'

Iranian Air Defense Radar: 'You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!'

Aircraft: 'This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 fighter. Send 'em up, I'll wait!'

Iranian Air Defense Radar: (no response ... total silence)

 

[Loud3 10+ year member]

A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort in Lake Taupo. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read.

One morning, the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book.

Along comes a fishing warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with ****** assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am", and he left.

 

[Loud3 10+ year member]

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day,when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what?

You have been with me all through the bad times.When I got fired, you were there to support me.When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side.When we lost the house, you stayed right here.When my health started failing, you were still by my side...You know what?"

"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

"I think you're bad luck, get the **** away from me"

 

[99grandprixGT 5,000+ posts]

some good stuff.

 

[ThatChevyGuy 5,000+ posts]

How do you baby sit a negro child?

Wet his lips and stick 'em to the wall

 

[ThatChevyGuy 5,000+ posts]

DISCLAIMER:

I'm not racist, but i live in hillbillyville, so about 90% of the jokes i hear are racist.

1. How do you keep negros from hanging out in your front yard?

Hang 'em in the back

2. What do you call a public pool full of negroes from a birds eye view?

Cocoa Puffs

3. How do you start a mexican parade?

Roll a quarter down the street

 

[JuicyJeff 10+ year member]

What's the difference between a pizza and a jew?

Pizzas don't scream in the oven.

/Sorry jesus

 

[ThatChevyGuy 5,000+ posts]

How long have i had this avatar?

I usually have them turned off.

Last one i had said FUKC

 

[99grandprixGT 5,000+ posts]

since yesterday a couple people got that same one