Quick jokes...

[its_ray_ray 10+ year member]

lol. hell shall be waiting for anyone seen in the current active in this thread. and a special place for those who post.

 

[csu87 10+ year member]

lol. hell shall be waiting for anyone seen in the current active in this thread. and a special place for those who post.

Maybe we can all get together and have a comp down there then. Too bad we will all have to run jl though

 

[its_ray_ray 10+ year member]

Maybe we can all get together and have a comp down there then. Too bad we will all have to run jl though

i bee tuckin dat memphis down my shirt.

A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address!

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.

Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules, so the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the

room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife

Subject: I've Arrived

Date: October 16, 2004

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here.

 

[99grandprixGT 5,000+ posts]

hahaha

 

[its_ray_ray 10+ year member]

1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT & T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING?? A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!

7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!! In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellllllooooooo?!)

8. THE GRAND FINALE' Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 ft. boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to a near by marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out drive went up and down, and the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. NOW REMEMBER... THIS IS TRUE! Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.''

 

[JuicyJeff 10+ year member]

LMAO.

"It sure is hot down here"

and

"I can't wait for your arrival here tomorrow"

haha good stuff

 

[dman4486 5,000+ posts]

good stuff on page one.....//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/hilarious.gif.02a037aad04aa96f19982b298a3d70a8.gif

edit: and ray ray 2 post ^^^^

 

[its_ray_ray 10+ year member]

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

 

[JuicyJeff 10+ year member]

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

I kind of sloshed these two together when reading it and it came out almost making sense haha, i was like wtf and had to reread. There was so much writing my eyes jumped back to the 3rd one. In my mind it read like this

4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

 

[iknownothin2006 10+ year member]

well this went to black jokes pretty quick.

lol right didnt it

 

[JuicyJeff 10+ year member]

oh it did

 

[soloXgt 10+ year member]

why don't black kids play in sandboxes??

they think cats will bury them.....

 

[its_ray_ray 10+ year member]

lawl

 

[James Bang 5,000+ posts]

racist jokes ftl

 

[tylork92 10+ year member]

I got this one in a txt the other day:

A husband and wife were having *** in there bedroom when there young (elementary age) walked in on them. the mother quickly jumped to her feet and proceeded to put on her clothes and ran after the little boy to find out wat all he had seen. The young boy admitted he saw everything and the mom began to explain: "you kno how daddy has a big tummy?, well sometimes mommy has to get on top of daddy and help flatten it out" the young boy replies, "Well thats worthless" the mom puzzled asks, " why is that?", Young boy replies by saying, "well everytime you leave the neighbor lady comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

i DIED laughing out loud in class when i got this.