The fartist has an episode
Omigosh, I just had to share this.
On Thursday night, we had beans and cornbread for dinner. I had sauteed some fresh jalapenoes, celery and onions as a heavy garnish. The cornbread also had corn, basil and peppers in it. Later that evening, I had Blue Bell vanilla ice cream, with Planter's party peanuts and Hershey's chocolate syrup.
Since I was off for the day on Friday, I got up early, did a little lawn and garden work, cleaned up and fixed breakfast of pancakes and eggs, for my wife, daughter and myself. Wifey went on to work and I dropped my daughter at her daycare on my way to Home Depot, where I had the first distinct rumblings of the terrible torrent that was about to be unleashed.
I got back to my backyard project, excited about the progress I was making and the galvanized fasteners I had found. (Weird to be exicted about this form of zinc, I know.) I think this elation, coupled with the food and the delay in my morning constitutional schedule significantly contributed to what happened next. Anyway, I was bent over and bolting together the legs of our new picnic table when all of a sudden it struck me that I was about to let loose not a wet, juicy fart, but something much more substantial.
Hurriedly, I dropped my wrenches and felt an overwhelming wrenching in my lower abdomen. Clenching and sweating, I dashed for the bathroom, fumbling with my keys at the garage and nearly losing control in the living room. Standing at attention, cramping in waves and willing my straining sphincter to clamp itself shut, I made it to the bathroom.
I drop my pants and just as my butt is about 20 degrees from making contact with the seat, the battle ends with me splattering the toilet tank, seat and bowl with the rankest, most foul, gas charged effluvium. In other words, I shat down. After a quick shower and wipe-down, I actually had to go back to the Home Depot and buy another toilet seat because of the crud I deposited on the hinges.
Sorry it has been so long since making a posting.
This was one that I just had to share.
