Never trust a fart

[sleazebagger 10+ year member]

fortunately my Sharts have happened at the house, no big deal. I do carry toilet paper in my truck and don't mind a bit blowing a load on the side of the road. Usually just pull into a parking lot behind a vacant Church or something if I have plenty of warning to look that far ahead.
ps, u can press used toilet paper onto the shit and burn the paper.....instead of littering fucking Wal-Mart bags of shit everywhere like 05Fronty's dip-shit ass.....fuckin litter bug.

fckin lol!!!!

 

[05fronty 5,000+ posts]

fortunately my Sharts have happened at the house, no big deal. I do carry toilet paper in my truck and don't mind a bit blowing a load on the side of the road. Usually just pull into a parking lot behind a vacant Church or something if I have plenty of warning to look that far ahead.
ps, u can press used toilet paper onto the shit and burn the paper.....instead of littering fucking Wal-Mart bags of shit everywhere like 05Fronty's dip-shit ass.....fuckin litter bug.

yep

 

[Flex68 10+ year member]

A shit story

Opening day of trout fishing when I was a kid. My uncle piles into the old man's truck with a bottle of Milk of Magnesia in his hand, and the old man asks him what is going on.

Unc says, "I ain't shit in two days." Pops says, "You think its a good idea to try to work that problem out this morning?"

Unc is a grumpy old bastard and basically tells my pops to pith off, its his ass, turns the bottle up and takes a couple BIG swallows.

We drive to the creek, get our waders and gear on, and get in the creek.... people sitting all along both sides of the bank. We fish for about 30 minutes when I hear a couple old ladies on the bank start going off. I'm thinking one of them caught a nice trout, so I turn around.

There's Unc in the middle of the creek, waders down around his knees.

He had shit all over himself, pulled out his fillet knife, and cut off his underwear right in front of the old women. Calmly stood there and washed his ass while remarking , "What? You ain't never seen a man shit his pants before?"

Grumpy old bastard had style!

 

[sleazebagger 10+ year member]

A shit storyOpening day of trout fishing when I was a kid. My uncle piles into the old man's truck with a bottle of Milk of Magnesia in his hand, and the old man asks him what is going on.

Unc says, "I ain't shit in two days." Pops says, "You think its a good idea to try to work that problem out this morning?"

Unc is a grumpy old bastard and basically tells my pops to pith off, its his ass, turns the bottle up and takes a couple BIG swallows.

We drive to the creek, get our waders and gear on, and get in the creek.... people sitting all along both sides of the bank. We fish for about 30 minutes when I hear a couple old ladies on the bank start going off. I'm thinking one of them caught a nice trout, so I turn around.

There's Unc in the middle of the creek, waders down around his knees.

He had shit all over himself, pulled out his fillet knife, and cut off his underwear right in front of the old women. Calmly stood there and washed his ass while remarking , "What? You ain't never seen a man shit his pants before?"

Grumpy old bastard had style!

 

[VWBobby 10+ year member]

Just happened today.... Walking through the dreaded Walmart, which I absolutely hate but our other local store is under construction....

Wife is pushing the cart and gets a very worried look on her face. She asks "Can you see anything on the back of my pants?"......."WHAT??"......"I think I just shit myself, I didn't even feel it coming on".... She just had a kid a week ago.

I made her lay plastic down in the car and roll all of the windows down......

Too bad nothing hit the floor or I would've loved to let those bastards roll their carts through it.

 

[wErd 5,000+ posts]

I'm pooping right now. Cold water splashing on the chocolate starfish feels weirdly good

 

[ssteele18 10+ year member]

Just happened today.... Walking through the dreaded Walmart, which I absolutely hate but our other local store is under construction....Wife is pushing the cart and gets a very worried look on her face. She asks "Can you see anything on the back of my pants?"......."WHAT??"......"I think I just shit myself, I didn't even feel it coming on".... She just had a kid a week ago.

I made her lay plastic down in the car and roll all of the windows down......

Too bad nothing hit the floor or I would've loved to let those bastards roll their carts through it.

omg... Epic

 

[sleazebagger 10+ year member]

Does her having a kid last week make her prone to lose farts?

 

[Epic0318 10+ year member]

Just happened today.... Walking through the dreaded Walmart, which I absolutely hate but our other local store is under construction....Wife is pushing the cart and gets a very worried look on her face. She asks "Can you see anything on the back of my pants?"......."WHAT??"......"I think I just shit myself, I didn't even feel it coming on".... She just had a kid a week ago.

I made her lay plastic down in the car and roll all of the windows down......

Too bad nothing hit the floor or I would've loved to let those bastards roll their carts through it.

I thought kids come out the vag not the asshOle

 

[Kangaroux 5,000+ posts]

I thought kids come out the vag not the asshOle

Only the nice kids.

 

[sleazebagger 10+ year member]

Only the nice kids.

your sig is full of lies:fyi:

 

[Kangaroux 5,000+ posts]

your sig is full of lies:fyi:

Fixed...lulz

 

[VWBobby 10+ year member]

Does her having a kid last week make her prone to lose farts?

Short answer: Yes. The movie "racing stripes" was not about a zebra.

 

[jdawg90 10+ year member]

only white kids

 

[tipnitty 10+ year member]

I've never sharted, came **** close once, but made it safely to a can.