Funny Movie Quotes

[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

Harold: Neil, you wouldn't happen to know how to get on the highway from here, would you?

Neil Patrick Harris: Dude, I don't even know where the **** I am right now. I was at this party earlier tonight and some guy hooked me up with this incredible "X" - next thing I know I'm being thrown out of a moving car. I've been trippin' balls ever since.

Kumar: That's crazy, dude. We've been having a pretty crazy, night, too. We've just been driving around looking for White Castle but we keep getting sidetracked.

Neil Patrick Harris: Yeah, dude, you fascinate me. Forget White Castle, let's go get some pvssy!

Harold: Huh?

Neil Patrick Harris: It's a fucking sausage fest in here, bros. Let's get some poontang, THEN we'll go to White Castle.

Kumar: No, Neil, you don't understand. We've been craving these burgers all night.

Neil Patrick Harris: Yeah, I've been craving burgers, too. Furburgers. Come on, dudes, let's pick up some trim at a strip club. The Doogie line always works on strippers.

Neil Patrick Harris: [singing] Lapdance...

Kumar: [pause] There's a gas station. I'm gonaa see if I can get some directions.

Neil Patrick Harris: You don't need dir- gah! Hurry up, dudes, hurry up! I'm losing wood.

[they park, pause]

Neil Patrick Harris: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry...

Kumar: Look, chill.

Harold: We'll be right back, Neil.

[they exit the car]

Harold: Dude, what is the deal with Neil Patrick Harris? Why is he so horny?

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[SUB_URBAN 10+ year member]

"Next time I come back, I'm gonna want some cocktail.....FRUIT!!!"

hahaha.

" I took a punch from Mike Ditka and I did not Go down, His fists were like Mini-trucks"

 

[mikey060 10+ year member]

lol that one is memorable

edit* the daddy's not coming on anything one haha

 

[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

Mr. Garrison: Sorry kids, I just can't trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.

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[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

Cartman: Kyle, all those times I said you were a dumb, stupid Jew, well, I was wrong, you're not a Jew. Kyle: Cartman, I *am* Jewish! Cartman: There, there, don't be hard on yourself, Kyle.

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[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

Chef: Haven't you heard of the Emancipation Proclamation?

General: I don't listen to hip-hop.

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[mikey060 10+ year member]

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Who said that? Who the **** said that? Who's the slimy little communist shit, twinkle-toed cocksucker down here who just signed his own death warrant? Nobody, huh? The fairy ****ing godmother said it. Out-****ing-standing. I will PT you all until you ****ing die. I'll PT you until your assholes are ******* buttermilk.

[Gunnery Sgt. Hartman grabs Pvt. Cowboy by the shirt]

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Was it you, you scroungy little ****, huh?

Private Cowboy: Sir, no Sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You little piece of shit you look like a ****ing worm, I bet it was you.

Private Cowboy: Sir, no Sir!

Private Joker: Sir, I said it, Sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Well, no shit. What do we have here, a ****ing comedian! Private, Joker! I admire your honesty. Hell, I like you, you can come over to my house and **** my sister!

[Gunnery Sgt. Hartman punches Pvt. Joker in the stomach]

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You little scumbag! I got your name, I got your ***! You will not laugh, you will not cry, you will learn by the numbers, I will teach you! Now get up off your face! Pvt. Joker you better un**** yourself before I unscrew your head and shit down your neck!

Private Joker: Sir, Yes sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Private Joker, why did you join my beloved Corps!

Private Joker: Sir, to kill, sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: So you're a killer!

Private Joker: Sir, yes sir!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Then let me see your war face!

Private Joker: [nervously] Sir?

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You got a war face! ARRRRRRRRRGH! That's a war face, let me see your war face!

Private Joker: Ahhhh!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullshit, you didn't convince me, let me see your REAL war face!

Private Joker: Ahhhhhh!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: You still don't scare me! Work on it!

Private Joker: Sir, yes sir!

 

[ndnbolla 10+ year member]

Dr. Patel: I will not tolerate this business from you any longer. You have one more interview tomorrow morning, and if I hear from Dr. Wein that you are anything short of spectacular, I'll completely cut you off.
Kumar: Dad, come on.

Dr. Patel: Daddy is not coming on anything!

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one of my favs!!!

Its even funnier because of the way he says it with that Indian accent.

 

[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

"I've got five terrorists going southeast on bakalakadaka street!"

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"9/11 times 100, that's--"

"Yes, 91,100"

"9/11 times 2,356"

"My God! I don't even know what that is!"

"No one does."

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"See, there's three kinds of people: dicks, pvssies, and assholes. Pvssies think everyone can get along, and dicks just want to fuck all the time without thinking it through. But then you got your assholes. And all the assholes want is to shit all over everything! So, ******* may get mad at dicks once in a while, because pvssies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes..."

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[SUB_URBAN 10+ year member]

Cartman: Kyle, all those times I said you were a dumb, stupid Jew, well, I was wrong, you're not a Jew. Kyle: Cartman, I *am* Jewish! Cartman: There, there, don't be hard on yourself, Kyle.
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off topic this is funny movie quotes!

Name the Movie that has "Why don't you just **** My left nut" In it in the first 5 mins.

 

[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

Its even funnier because of the way he says it with that Indian accent.

hahahha werd!

 

[Slammed 5,000+ posts]

off topic this is funny movie quotes!Name the Movie that has "Why don't you just **** My left nut" In it in the first 5 mins.

I have no idea...

 

[SUB_URBAN 10+ year member]

I have no idea...

Wedding Crashers during the Divorce Argument lol.

 

[mikey060 10+ year member]

Uncle Rico: Back in '82, I used to be able to throw a pigskin a quarter mile.

Kip: Are you serious?

Uncle Rico: I'm dead serious.

 

[DBfan187 5,000+ posts]

A.J.: Have you ever heard of Evel Knievel?

Lev Andropov: No, I never saw Star Wars.