Favorite Mitch Hedberg Quotes

[lilmaniac2 5,000+ posts]

I think Pringles original intention was to make tennis balls but on the day the rubber was supposed to show up a truckload of potatoes came. Pringles is a laid back company, so they just said "**** it, cut em up!"

 

[lilmaniac2 5,000+ posts]

I think Pringles' initial intention was to make tennis balls, but on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. And Pringles is a laid-back company -- they said, 'F**k it. Cut 'em up.'

lawl

 

[Skip01 5,000+ posts]

lawl

beatttt yaaaa ha, funny stuff

 

[lilmaniac2 5,000+ posts]

i havent slept for 10 days............................... because that would be tooo long

 

[lilmaniac2 5,000+ posts]

This shirt is dry clean only. Which means................ Its dirty

 

[adampit 10+ year member]

I want to hang a map of the world in my house then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve travelled to. But first I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down.

 

[jmanpc 5,000+ posts]

I find that a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.

 

[Skip01 5,000+ posts]

I wanna have a suitcase handcuffed to my wrist

 

[Cravingbass123]

who the **** is mitch hedburg

 

[lilmaniac2 5,000+ posts]

See, this CD is in stores. The only way I could get my last CD into a store was to take one in there and leave it. “Sir, you forgot this!” “No, I did not. That is for ‘sale’. Please alphabetize ‘it’

 

[lilmaniac2 5,000+ posts]

who the **** is mitch hedburg

Best. Comedian. Evar

 

[Skip01 5,000+ posts]

What was the potato one?

Like you have to plan to make a baked potato or something haha

 

[Skip01 5,000+ posts]

See, this CD is in stores. The only way I could get my last CD into a store was to take one in there and leave it. “Sir, you forgot this!” “No, I did not. That is for ‘sale’. Please alphabetize ‘it’

hahahaha

 

[adampit 10+ year member]

I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before.

 

[lilmaniac2 5,000+ posts]

What was the potato one?
Like you have to plan to make a baked potato or something haha

this?

I was walking down the street the other day when this guy asked if I wanted a frozen banana...I said 'no' but then thought I might want a regular banana later, so...yeah.