Okay so I'm just chillin I can't get this off of my mind...... but here's the story.... So when I was like 11 or 12 my mom was in a near fatal car accident. She was technically dead a few times. Her and my step dad were comming home from their anniversary and there was a horse in a dip in the road and they hit it. The hoof of the horse hit my mom in the eye and literally shattered her skull into thousands of pieces...... the parametics couldn't believe she survived.... and she was out of it for several weeks ..... mainly the damage was done to her frontal lobe which is a lot of the common sense and her concious. So she still had all of her book smarts, which she was VERY intelligent...... she had many great accmplshmaents prior to the accident like starting up the first home health care for WV. but after the accident it was a battle we lived in NC, and boston for her rehab and she had an amazing recovery. She definately wasn't all there but she was living on her own and making it. before all this she hadnt been doin as well and I had been talking to her an trying to get everything better...... Me living in ohio and not being able to be there and her not seing my sister but once or tice a week was rally hard on her because she really did live for her kids that was her pride and joy. But I got the call yesterday and apparently what happened was there was an electrical short in the house that caught fire in between the floor of her living room and ceiling of her downstairs living room (basement). She was in her bedroom on the other side of the house so it was nice to know that she didn't burn, but she inhaled too much smoke to make it. She was asleep at the time and had taken her PM meds so she went in peace and I was glad to know she wasn't in pain. Today it hit me hard though. planning the funeral was bad but I couldn't take it when I had to pick out her casket. That is by far the hardest thing I've ever went through. but its kinda up and down i can talk about it and be fine but when I was in the house.... and when I was picking out the casket ... and when I had to go buy a dress it was bad Its not lke outof control break down and cry emotions for me but its just the worst depression you could imagine..... it really sucks but I'm just trying to keep my head up.. well I'm out for the night I need to try to get some rest.