WTB: Best joke..?
- Thread starter its_bacon12
- Live activity
- Replies 167
- Views 13K
Ok this one's pretty bad...
How do you fit 6 million jews into a vw beetle???
Open up the ash tray.
How do you fit 6 million jews into a vw beetle???
Open up the ash tray.
http://www.geocities.com/voafunnies/
go here to read more of mine, started this website yrs ago but just never finished it. alot cant be posted here
go here to read more of mine, started this website yrs ago but just never finished it. alot cant be posted here
ok this is my last for the next few hrs have fun readn them
I OWE MY MOTHER!!
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next ! week!"
4.My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.! "
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
&nb! sp; If I've told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
&n! bsp;"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother t! aught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
I OWE MY MOTHER!!
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next ! week!"
4.My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.! "
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
&nb! sp; If I've told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
&n! bsp;"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother t! aught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
OP
- Thread Starter
- #34
lmfao
got some good laughs guys...
so far its between VOA, derek, littlebuddy , and juju
keep em comin!! thats a whole $6.78 at stake!!
thats just too funny haha
got some good laughs guys...
so far its between VOA, derek, littlebuddy , and juju
keep em comin!! thats a whole $6.78 at stake!!
wow i just saw that and i havent stopped laughing //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/laugh.gif.48439b2acf2cfca21620f01e7f77d1e4.gif//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/laugh.gif.48439b2acf2cfca21620f01e7f77d1e4.gif//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/laugh.gif.48439b2acf2cfca21620f01e7f77d1e4.gif//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/hilarious.gif.02a037aad04aa96f19982b298a3d70a8.gif//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/hilarious.gif.02a037aad04aa96f19982b298a3d70a8.gif//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/handclap.gif.0c301076f534e244f0460706894f19e0.gif
thats just too funny haha
there were 2 gay guys messing around in the shower and the doorbell rang and the one gay guy says dont finish before i get back so the guy goes and gets the door finds out who it was and comes back and there is *** all over the walls and the shower, so the guy that comes back says i thought i told u not to finish and the other guys says " I didnt! I just farted"
??
??
^ repost
what do you do when you see a black guy hopping around with one leg?
stop lauging and re-load!!
*im in no way racist* //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/smile.gif.1ebc41e1811405b213edfc4622c41e27.gif
what do you do when you see a black guy hopping around with one leg?
stop lauging and re-load!!
*im in no way racist* //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/smile.gif.1ebc41e1811405b213edfc4622c41e27.gif
Why did Raggidy Ann get kicked out of the toybox?
Because she sat on Pinnochio's face and told him to lie.
What do you call two lesbians in a canoe?
Fur Traders
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lickalottapuss
There was a middle-aged woman who wanted to do something special for her husband. So she went to the doctor to have an operation to get tightened up downstairs. Before she goes to the doctor, she shaves the area clean. When she wakes up from the operation, there are 3 roses on her bed. She asks the doctor what they are for. The doctor replies, "One is from me for giving me such a clean area to work with, and one is from your husband who cant wait for when you return nice and tight." The lady asks, "Who is the third one from?" The doctor replies, "That is from Fred in the burn ward, he wants to thank you for his new ears."
What's black, and sitting at the top of the stairs after a fire?
Christopher Reeves
Whats the difference between Buzz Aldrin and Michael Jackson?
Buzz Aldrin walked on the moon, and Michael Jackson f*cks kids.
Because she sat on Pinnochio's face and told him to lie.
What do you call two lesbians in a canoe?
Fur Traders
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lickalottapuss
There was a middle-aged woman who wanted to do something special for her husband. So she went to the doctor to have an operation to get tightened up downstairs. Before she goes to the doctor, she shaves the area clean. When she wakes up from the operation, there are 3 roses on her bed. She asks the doctor what they are for. The doctor replies, "One is from me for giving me such a clean area to work with, and one is from your husband who cant wait for when you return nice and tight." The lady asks, "Who is the third one from?" The doctor replies, "That is from Fred in the burn ward, he wants to thank you for his new ears."
What's black, and sitting at the top of the stairs after a fire?
Christopher Reeves
Whats the difference between Buzz Aldrin and Michael Jackson?
Buzz Aldrin walked on the moon, and Michael Jackson f*cks kids.
A man walks into a bar and orders 10 shots. The bar tender replies" thats a lot, whats bothering you?" The man replies "my brother is gay." The bar tenders nods his head and leaves the man alone. The next night the same man walks into the bar and orders 15 shots. The bar tender replies "thats more than last night, whats bothering you tonight?" The man replies "my other brother is gay." The bar tender nods his head and leaves the man alone. The next night the same man walks into the bar and orders 20 shots. The bar tender replies " Christ, man, thats alot, whats bothering you THIS time?" The man replies " My dad is gay." The bar tender then shouted " God ****, Doesn't any one like pus*y anymore?!?!!" The man looked the bar tender in the eyes and said," Yeah, my sister."
How do you tell you have a high sperm count???
Your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows
How do you tell a mechanic has had ***????
He has 2 clean fingers.
How does a chick make a guy eat shit????
Wipes from the back to the front.
****I"M NOT A RACIST****
So there is a jew sitting at a bar and all of a sudden a korean walks up and sits down next to him. The jew gets all kinds off and pushes the little korean guy off the bar stool. So the korean gets up and says what the hell did you do that for you jackass? The jew goes that was for world war II. The korean goes you dumbass I am korean not japanese. The jew goes screw it japanese, chinese, philipino there all asian and turns around. Then the korean thinks for a minute and smiles. He stands up and shoves that jew over with all the strength in his body. The jew gets up and goes what was that supposed to be payback for the world war II thing? The Korean goes no that was for sinking the titanic. The Jew goes WTF are you talking about, I'm John Rosenburg? I didn't sink the titanic that was a ****ing Iceberg. The Korean goes Iceberg, Spielburg, Rosenburg its all the same to me.
---------MY ALL TIME FAVORITE JOKE------------
How do you starve a black person???
Hide his food stamps under his work boots
****I"M NOT A RACIST****
Hope you guys enjoy them and I really hope I get the prize //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/smile.gif.1ebc41e1811405b213edfc4622c41e27.gif.
Your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows
How do you tell a mechanic has had ***????
He has 2 clean fingers.
How does a chick make a guy eat shit????
Wipes from the back to the front.
****I"M NOT A RACIST****
So there is a jew sitting at a bar and all of a sudden a korean walks up and sits down next to him. The jew gets all kinds off and pushes the little korean guy off the bar stool. So the korean gets up and says what the hell did you do that for you jackass? The jew goes that was for world war II. The korean goes you dumbass I am korean not japanese. The jew goes screw it japanese, chinese, philipino there all asian and turns around. Then the korean thinks for a minute and smiles. He stands up and shoves that jew over with all the strength in his body. The jew gets up and goes what was that supposed to be payback for the world war II thing? The Korean goes no that was for sinking the titanic. The Jew goes WTF are you talking about, I'm John Rosenburg? I didn't sink the titanic that was a ****ing Iceberg. The Korean goes Iceberg, Spielburg, Rosenburg its all the same to me.
---------MY ALL TIME FAVORITE JOKE------------
How do you starve a black person???
Hide his food stamps under his work boots
****I"M NOT A RACIST****
Hope you guys enjoy them and I really hope I get the prize //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/smile.gif.1ebc41e1811405b213edfc4622c41e27.gif.
Do you realize there are over 1,000,000 battered women in this country????
And i've been eating the plain ones all these years!
What do you call an operation for the dominant "woman" in a gay relationship?
An addadicktome!
Thank you, i'm here till 9, try the veal...............
And i've been eating the plain ones all these years!
What do you call an operation for the dominant "woman" in a gay relationship?
An addadicktome!
Thank you, i'm here till 9, try the veal...............
whats 50 feet long and smells like urine?
the conga line at the retirement home.
-----------------------------------------------------
im goin to hell with this 1 but....
why dont the tsunami victims take showers?
because they wash ashore
(please dont kill me for that)
the conga line at the retirement home.
-----------------------------------------------------
im goin to hell with this 1 but....
why dont the tsunami victims take showers?
because they wash ashore
(please dont kill me for that)
(refering to elton john/hunting dog joke)
does that mean i'm winning? quick! end it now! woohoo i'm rich! //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/smile.gif.1ebc41e1811405b213edfc4622c41e27.gif
Your so poor.....
When you asked your mom what's for dinner she opened her legs and said spaghetti!
If your father didn't cut holes in your pockets at Christmas, you wouldn't have anything to play with.
You have too ******** your dog too feed your cat
People from the church would run over animals in front of your house to help with food.
Beggars give you money.
You don't have a pot to piss in, or a window to throw it out of.
When you asked your mom what's for dinner she opened her legs and said spaghetti!
If your father didn't cut holes in your pockets at Christmas, you wouldn't have anything to play with.
You have too ******** your dog too feed your cat
People from the church would run over animals in front of your house to help with food.
Beggars give you money.
You don't have a pot to piss in, or a window to throw it out of.
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