I know most of you probably don't care, but i've always felt like the more you talk about stuff the faster you get over it, so i'm just going to give background info and see if anybody has any useful advice.
Disclaimer: If you're looking for some kind of juicy details, this is not for you. It's just a rather lengthy description of the way her and I have been for the last few years. No Pictures, No Crazy Stories, just somebody posting about their life, looking for any possible advice someone might have.
I started dating her and right away things went far deeper than any other relationship i'd ever been in. As time went on, we talked about marriage, and having kids when she was done with school. Some time went by, and we ended up taking a break because she felt like I treated her like a friend instead of a girlfriend, and i told her i felt like a lot of the time during arguments or fights, she didn't even seem like she cared. So we took a break for a couple months, and still talked often and still told each other how much we loved each other and basically we both fixed what was wrong in the other persons eyes.
So then we got back together, and things had been awesome. We rarely ever fought anymore, and when we did, we handled them in a much more mature manner and actually found solutions to our fights instead of just kind of ignoring them. Continued to talk about marriage, and spending our lives together.
Then about a month ago, things kind of started to get weird. When we did hang out, everything was exactly the same. But when we weren't hanging out it seemed like hanging out wasn't as important to her. She'd call me and say she was staying in for the night because she was really tired, or she didn't feel good. Sometimes she'd hang out with her sister instead of me. Which for the most part, I think not seeing her everyday was a good thing, because when you're around someone everyday you fight about the stupidest shit sometimes, or you can just on each others nerves.
Then on wednesday, i call her when she's just getting home from work, and ask when i should come pick her up, and she says she's staying in, so i say ok and to call me tomorrow because i wanted to talk to her about whatever's been bothering her lately. So I wake up on thursday and she's still in school so i send her a text message telling her i can't wait for her to get home so i can come see her, and she replies with "when you come pick me up can we just hang out at my house for a little bit?" Now that doesn't seem like a big deal, but we never hung out at her house unless it was a holiday. The only other time we hung out at her house, was when we decided to take a break. So i reply with "ok i see what's going on. i really wanted to talk to you today anyway so yeah i'll be over around 3"
So i get over there and we go into the basement, and i ask her what's wrong, and she just keeps saying "i can't even say it, because if i say it that means it's true" and stuff like that. So i ask "are you pregnant?" and she says no. So i ask "did you cheat on me?" and she answers no. I say "then whatever it is we can work through it" and she replies with "we can't work through this." So i ask "um are you a lesbian?" and she says no. So i say "ok just tell me whatever's wrong so we can do something about it. Then she drops the bomb.
She tells me that she's not "in" love with me anymore. That she loves me so much, and i mean more than anybody else in the world to her, and that there is absolutely nothing wrong with the way i treat her or make her feel or anything, it's just that one day she just felt like she loves me, she's just not IN love with me. So i'm just kind of sitting there not even saying anything, and she keeps saying "don't you have anything to say" and i reply with "what do you want me to say? if you don't love me then you don't love me, i can't change your mind or anything" and so then i leave.
I go to the bowling alley to get my new ball drilled, and while i'm there she calls me and asks why i just left, and didn't even say anything, and said it hurt her and made her mad. I told her i need some time to collect my thoughts because i don't want to A. start saying stupid shit or B. belittle the way she feels by telling her she's wrong. So i tell her if it's ok, i'd like to come back after i'm done at the bowling alley and talk to her about it, so she decides that's good and wants to.
So I go back, and we start talking. I tell her that i'm pissed that she didn't tell me when she started feeling that way, because if it is true and it's not just a phase, then i wasted 4 months of my life trying to make someone happy who didn't deserve it. I also tell her that i felt like i've been lied to everytime we talked about marriage and everything. She goes on to tell me that I make her so happy, and there's never any time we're together that she wishes she was with someone else, or somewhere else, but she just feels like it's not the same feeling as it was in the beginning. She tells me that when we first took a break, she still loved me so much and that's why she got back together with me. And ever since the break, i have done everything right, and made her so happy, just just isn't in love with me anymore. So i tell her it's probably just a phase, and it will go away, and that in the beginning i questioned whether or not i wanted to settle down with her but then i realized i was just psyching myself out, and she was everything i wanted. But she says it's not a phase, it's just the way she feels and she still wants to be best friends because i mean more to her than anyone else does. So i look at her and i say "you know what? life is really going to **** without you in it" and she starts balling her eyes out. So then when she's done crying, i say i'm leaving, and start to walk out to my car, and she runs out and hugs me before i get into my car and tells me she loves me so much and stuff then i leave.
i have not tried to contact her since then as drunk as i've been the last few nights. So basically the only thing i want to know, is have any of you been in a similar situation, where someone just felt like they weren't in love with you anymore? and how did it end? Do we think she's just being a girl, that's unsure of what she wants right now and she'll come around? or is this really the end?
And just before i get any stupid typical questions... Neither of us have slept with anyone since we've met, from that day until today. even on our break we stayed away from the opposite *** because neither of us wanted to screw up the chances we had with each other. she has not been seeing anyone, or wanting to see anyone or anything like that and neither have i.
the only advice i don't want to hear is "go get with some girls that will help you get over her" because i'm past that point in my life. i had all my stupid flings with stupid *****es. i'm trying to settle down and move forward in my life now.
this was incredibly wrong, so if any of you actually read this entire thing, i'm ridiculously surprised.
