THE Thread

[Safe-N-Sound215 10+ year member]

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.

"Olympic condoms?", she blurts, "What makes them so special?"

"There is three colors", he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze."

"What color are you going to wear tonight?", she asks cheekily.

"Gold of course," says the man proudly.

The wife responds wryly, "Why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!"

 

[Safe-N-Sound215 10+ year member]

Little Lucy went out into the garden and saw her cat Tiddles lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs in the air. She fetched her Dad to look at Tiddles, and on seeing the cat he said, as gently as he could, "I'm afraid Tiddles is dead, Lucy."

"So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that, Daddy?" asked Lucy as she fought back the tears.

At a loss for something to say the father replied, Tiddles' legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be easier for Jesus to float down from heaven above and grab a leg and lift Tiddles up to heaven."

Little Lucy seemed to take her Tiddles' death quite well.

However two days later when her father came home from work Lucy had tears in her eyes and said, Mommy almost died this morning."

Fearing something terrible had happen, the father shook the girl and shouted, "How do you mean, Lucy? Tell Daddy!"

"Well, mumbled Lucy, "Soon after you left for work this morning I saw Mommy lying on the floor with her legs in the air and she was shouting, "Oh Jesus!!! I'm coming!!" and if it hadn't been for the milkman holding her down she would definitely have gone, Daddy."

 

[Safe-N-Sound215 10+ year member]

A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED!

MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),

MUST NOT BEAT ME,

MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME

AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!

ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair. He had no arms

or legs. The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you....you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you! She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!" Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!" She raised

an eyebrow and gazed intently.

"Are you still good in bed?"

With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said... "I rang the doorbell didn't I?"

 

[.::DuD3::. 10+ year member]

having fun are we?

 

[Safe-N-Sound215 10+ year member]

Just a little:laugh:

 

[.::DuD3::. 10+ year member]

lol

 

[.::DuD3::. 10+ year member]

if you're going to post jokes, at least post good ones //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/wink.gif.608e3ea05f1a9f98611af0861652f8fb.gif

 

[Safe-N-Sound215 10+ year member]

if you're going to post jokes, at least post good ones //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/wink.gif.608e3ea05f1a9f98611af0861652f8fb.gif

lol j/k

 

[SyKo13 5,000+ posts]

Morning:wave:

 

[AJ²06 5,000+ posts]

goin to mexico weeeeey!

 

[SyKo13 5,000+ posts]

I haven't been to that shithole in some 3-4 years lol

I don't really miss it due to the hell I went through years ago

Gonna go look for teh game so I can prawn Db's arse

I prawn in SC:fyi:

peaCE oWTeace:

 

[Beat_Dominator 5,000+ posts]

//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/wave.gif.002382ce7d7c19757ab945cc69819de1.gif

 

[Chevillac 5,000+ posts]

if you're going to post jokes, at least post good ones //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/wink.gif.608e3ea05f1a9f98611af0861652f8fb.gif

:chuckle:

lol j/k

Whats your name over there?

goin to mexico weeeeey!

//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/confused.gif.e820e0216602db4765798ac39d28caa9.gif

//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/wave.gif.002382ce7d7c19757ab945cc69819de1.gif

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[azbass 5,000+ posts]

zomg beats here.

 

[Chevillac 5,000+ posts]

he shole iz.

I gotta stop bein an ******* on the internetz.