The Official Funny/Embarrassing *** Stories Thread

[TheUnderFighter 10+ year member]

I was watching TV with my girl, and we started making out and it all ended up with me and her doing the deed. Halfway through, Family Guy starts. You have to understand taht FG is literally my favorite show in the world, it makes me laugh so hard. So as we're getting it on, I start laughing uncontrollably at one of the jokes. So it get so bad that I'm just sitting their, **** halfway in her vag, bent over, face in her ****, laughing.
That really ruined the mood.

Been there, done that. Haha. Luckily my girl loves it too so we're both just laughing, and resume when the commercial comes on.

 

[slammedincouch 10+ year member]

here's a pretty bad one I just remembered while trying to write my 8 page Asian History paper:

one time I was at my friend's house and her cousin was over. it was my second time meeting her and she was pretty cute (slim with DD's). Well she goes upstairs leaving me and her cousin on the fold out bed/couch thing. I decide to go for it since we were already just about cuddling and we start making out. She starts feeling on me and before long she's undoing my pants and blowing me.

being the gentlemen I am, I start fingering her and she keeps going (it was some pretty good head). Well anyways, friend comes back down and ets the hint after sitting there for a minute that we were busy so she's goes upstairs again. immediately we start going at it again. I'm grinding on her with my pants buttoned again and then she goes back to blowing me and I start tickling her special parts again

Friend comes back down out of boredom sits down. About 2 minutes later she starts adjusting the blanket we were all sharing and all of the sudden I hear "Okay, who the **** is on their period here?"

Look at my hand; covered in dried blood. Look at my nice light khaki golf shorts; covered in blood. Looked like I killed a small animal and rolled around on it.

That wasn't a fun walk up the basement...and through the family room...where both my friend's family and her cousin's family were sitting playing boardgames...staring at me as I left...nor was it a fun walk into my house. On top of it all, I forgot my $1,500 watch on the couch too, so I had to go back in the morning to get it.

Haven't heard from either of them since that

 

[slammedincouch 10+ year member]

Short one procrastinating my paper some more: One time I got my girlfriend a kitten. About two weeks after we got it I was giving it to her on the side of the bed (her leaning off of it kind of like standing up giving it to her but instead sitting down leaning with legs off the bed). She just has a mattress on the floor and the cat thought my dangling nads were a new toy.

Thing had claws man. That hurt like a mother fvcker for a few days

First hj, the girl brush burned my d|ck...

I think I need a less embarrassing *** life in the future...

 

[audioholic 5,000+ posts]

tl;dr

 

[jco1385 5,000+ posts]

here's a pretty bad one I just remembered while trying to write my 8 page Asian History paper:
one time I was at my friend's house and her cousin was over. it was my second time meeting her and she was pretty cute (slim with DD's). Well she goes upstairs leaving me and her cousin on the fold out bed/couch thing. I decide to go for it since we were already just about cuddling and we start making out. She starts feeling on me and before long she's undoing my pants and blowing me.

being the gentlemen I am, I start fingering her and she keeps going (it was some pretty good head). Well anyways, friend comes back down and ets the hint after sitting there for a minute that we were busy so she's goes upstairs again. immediately we start going at it again. I'm grinding on her with my pants buttoned again and then she goes back to blowing me and I start tickling her special parts again

Friend comes back down out of boredom sits down. About 2 minutes later she starts adjusting the blanket we were all sharing and all of the sudden I hear "Okay, who the **** is on their period here?"

Look at my hand; covered in dried blood. Look at my nice light khaki golf shorts; covered in blood. Looked like I killed a small animal and rolled around on it.

That wasn't a fun walk up the basement...and through the family room...where both my friend's family and her cousin's family were sitting playing boardgames...staring at me as I left...nor was it a fun walk into my house. On top of it all, I forgot my $1,500 watch on the couch too, so I had to go back in the morning to get it.

Haven't heard from either of them since that

//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/sick.gif.b1847c8dabbfeeddbcf1a78052249e10.gif

 

[MikeofTulsa Moderator]

I wonder if anyone actually believes any of this. lol

 

[ace_800 5,000+ posts]

I got one....

I was 14/15, still a virg. I was with my gf at her place in her room watching a movie. We started grinding on each other and going at it. Strapped up, got in and got about 3 pumps in and her mom knocked on the door asking if we wanted pizza. She tried to play it off and just say sure, but then her mom kept asking what toppings and tried to open the door. She started asking why the door was locked, so we had to stop and get dressed real quick. Needless to say I had to walk to the bathroom with my jimmy hat on in my shorts. I had to finish in the bathroom.....

 

[Wingsfreak9 10+ year member]

not really compareable to any of the others but about 3 weeks ago my current girl and i were babysitting my little sister and little cousin. and by babysitting i mean doing the nasty in my bedroom. my bedroom door doesnt lock and my sister got annoyed with the cat and decided to bring it in my bedroom. instead of knocking she throws open the door her jaw drops, it took 2 or 3 more pumps for my girl to realize what was going on so she stopped and rolled off me about 4 seconds too late...her reaction time was pretty slow on that one.

 

[rumdada 10+ year member]

Here we go when i was 16 Me n my girl didnt have a real solid place to bone so we would just do it in the back of my car and park in random places parks and this and that so one day we decided to go into the mall parking lot late at night like and idiot i parked away from all the cars so we hop in the back start doing the thing next thing i know i herd a police car * Woop Woop* then he pulled up to my car fast is **** so i threw my gf off of me pulled up my pants an told her to get her *** in the front seat, cuz i was too big to jump in the front from the back seat ! So the cop comes up to the car and asked what we were doing. Im playing it off and acting like nothing he asked if we were about to make out my gf starts laughing and then ******* cop asks for our Id's comes back and says " Im gonna have to call your parents" WTF then me n my girl had a blank stare on our face.... then the cop says no im just kidding but dont let me catch you two here again and just let us go with a warning talk about being scared lol

 

[BigSix 10+ year member]

Gonna say it again.....glad that joe is banned cuz im sure this would of been a field day of a thread for him............

 

[infamous_e46 5,000+ posts]

I went down on my ex once, forgot to do a finger test.

Took one lick and immediately felt a sour taste on my tongue, and then started to almost swallow a piece of vaggy lint. I coughed until it came out, and the attempt at oral ceased. She looked at me like, wtf? I just shook my head and said no.

_

I was getting dome from this girl in her dorm on her bed, she was under the covers. My boy was drunk and passed out on the floor, or so I thought. He farted and we all began to laugh, I laughed so hard I let out a little fart and she was immediately dutch oven'd.

_

I got caught by the police at 5 am boning my girlfriend, on a street near a school, in my car. Two squad cars just rolled up with their headlights beaming into the car, one of the cops ran to my car and pulled the door open as I sat there ***** with wet **** from just blowing my load.

_

Several queefing incidents where I just burst out laughing and refused to continue.

_

Sharted one time but I was determined to nut, so I acted like everything was cool in pooville until I came. I ran to the bathroom afterwards to clean my cornhole and taint. It was doggy style at that point so I knew I was safe from her smelling any caca.

 

[infamous_e46 5,000+ posts]

An ex invited me to a party at her apartment. It was kind of out of the blue since I broke up with her a little over a year before and she still wasn't over me, and the couple of times I've seen her since we always hooked up and she would get upset/attached again.

I figure it was a big deal for her to invite me, so I decide to go. I end up getting pretty wasted, and at some point I passed out on her bed. I'm a little loopy when I wake up in her room, lights out, and I can feel her lying in the bed next to me. She rolls onto me, and then puts her hand down my pants and starts kissing me, and we're really getting into it, clothes flying off, when all of the a sudden the lights come on. My ex is in the doorway SCREAMING at me, I'm in bed with one of her hot friends. I threw my clothes on as quickly as I could and hightailed it out of her apartment, past the people that were still there, her chasing me and yelling the whole time.

The next day I realized I left my phone behind and had to go back and get it. Awkward.

 

---------- Post added at 01:11 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:10 PM ----------

 

I dated this girl for a while, she was really a nasty freak. She just loved to get down with sex all the time. It was like, anytime of day she was like, "Yeah, let's go! I'm so nasty!" And I'd be nailing her and she'd be like, "Oh, you're nailing me! cool!"

 

[Wingsfreak9 10+ year member]

An ex invited me to a party at her apartment. It was kind of out of the blue since I broke up with her a little over a year before and she still wasn't over me, and the couple of times I've seen her since we always hooked up and she would get upset/attached again.
I figure it was a big deal for her to invite me, so I decide to go. I end up getting pretty wasted, and at some point I passed out on her bed. I'm a little loopy when I wake up in her room, lights out, and I can feel her lying in the bed next to me. She rolls onto me, and then puts her hand down my pants and starts kissing me, and we're really getting into it, clothes flying off, when all of the a sudden the lights come on. My ex is in the doorway SCREAMING at me, I'm in bed with one of her hot friends. I threw my clothes on as quickly as I could and hightailed it out of her apartment, past the people that were still there, her chasing me and yelling the whole time.

The next day I realized I left my phone behind and had to go back and get it. Awkward.

 

---------- Post added at 01:11 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:10 PM ----------

 

I dated this girl for a while, she was really a nasty freak. She just loved to get down with sex all the time. It was like, anytime of day she was like, "Yeah, let's go! I'm so nasty!" And I'd be nailing her and she'd be like, "Oh, you're nailing me! cool!"

hahahahahaha

 

[slammedincouch 10+ year member]

I wonder if anyone actually believes any of this. lol

mine are sadly all true =/

 

[Kangaroux 5,000+ posts]

I wonder if anyone actually believes any of this. lol

The Official Funny/Embarrassing *** Stories Thread - E46Fanatics