The Official Funny/Embarrassing *** Stories Thread

[infamous_e46 5,000+ posts]

Several years ago, I start dating a new girl from school. Honestly, I thought she was out of my league but we hit if off.. and a few weeks down the road started having *** and what not. Turned out to be a 2 year relationship, but thats besides the point.

So a couple weeks in we are doing the deed, i have her at the edge with her legs up on my shoulders, hammering away with my clam slammer. Tingles and jingles start to come, so i'm getting ready to cover her stomach with some DNA

As I pull out... she grabs on and starts going to town with her hand (fvcking loved that btw) and what do you know.... I FARTED

 

---------- Post added at 07:04 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:03 PM ----------

 

just to be funny, sometimes I yell out my own name when I climax. Several times I've yelled "SHAZAAAAM"

Click to read more...

 

[infamous_e46 5,000+ posts]

Aside from having whiskey dick one time, I banged a girl so hard and so long, she stopped me in the middle of our session to take a breather and to grab water. She was so exhausted and out of it, she proceeded into my closet thinking it was the exit out of my bedroom. It took her about 10 seconds to realize she went in the wrong door....

Also, when I was 16, I was banging my GF and her dad and older bro caught us when they got back from the store. Longest 4 hour walk of shame ever....

 

[infamous_e46 5,000+ posts]

when I was a freshman in hs, I was over at my gf's house and she told me to wait in her bedroom while she went to get "ready." I thought "ZOMG time to lose my virginity!" so i started pre-fapping so I at least had a chub to get ready when she comes to feel me up. Whilst doing this, I hear her dad run into the house saying "hey honey! Lets have some fun I had a hard day at work and I want some lovin!" to his wife unknowingly knowing his daughter and I are in the house. My gf's mom must have had a brain fart because both of them run into my gf's room(apparently they have sex in there(idk to spite their daughter? Who knows) to get their sex on and there I was hand down my pants fapping.

So two things happened: 1). I was caught pre-fapping myself to get an erection to sleep with my gf, and 2). my gf found out her parents fvck in her bedroom when she isn't home.

that was basically the relationship right there.

 

[infamous_e46 5,000+ posts]

A girl I had hooked up with was the fvck buddy of a friend of mine. He was out of town and she decided to give me shot at it. Everyone knew her fvck buddy was hung and when she was on top of me, she was bouncing so much and so high that my pecker kept popping out. I finally had to grab her hips and say, "Hey, I'm not Danny, shorten your stroke."

Embarrassing: The same girl came over one night and long story short, I had a raging case of blue balls when she left. My ex was stalking my place and when girl #1 left, the ex pulled up. Within a few minutes, the clothes were off and about 3 strokes later, I was done. She was some kind of pissed, too, I tells ya.

 

[Bettr n' Revrse 5,000+ posts]

Ahahahaha!!!

 

[infamous_e46 5,000+ posts]

When I was 17 I shacked up with a 27 year old. She was a hot little blonde and a squirter, but enough about that.

We were in a 69 on the couch with me on my back. She begins to nut and starts shaking and flexing and so on. She almost collapses, but manages to get up and walk out of the room. I'm laying there, full of myself and decide it's time to get up and reunite with my gal. As I tilt my head slightly upward, something catches my eye. There's something on my chest. It looks like a milk dud. WTF? I roll onto my side and it falls onto the floor. I get a sock and pick it up and examine it. Yep, it was a turd.

 

[infamous_e46 5,000+ posts]

My ex's Dad went to drop her sister off at the airport. so naturally my girl and I start getting frisky. I'm laying down and she is giving me a round of amazing head. Then the bedroom door opens. Her dad and sister are standing there in awe. My girl had her mouth wide open and my d!ck still in her hands as she stared at her dad for what seemed like an eternity before he shut the door. Sister's flight was cancelled . I'm only alive because her dad is amazingly cool. He even pulled a "remember that time when..." a few months later and laughed about it.

Another time she was giving me road head as we drove home from a bar. We pulled into her condo parking lot and I asked her to keep going since I was going to finish soon.

Her: Keep an eye out for anyone!

Me: yeah, of course. Keep going, keep going!

Not a minute after she said that a dude, her next door neighbor, and his date walk right next to our car. She is still going, unaware of him. I look at him. He grins and nods his head, and continues to walk upstairs. From the second floor his girl gets a better look and freaks out as she figures out what is going on below. Dude quiets her down and throws me a and goes into his place. I didn't tell my girl until later when we were inside

Another time with a different chick. We were having *** in her jacuzzi. Water isn't the best lube so she laid on the ground and I stood up in the jacuzzi and plowed away. Didn't stop to think that she was laying on concrete. Her mom asks why her back is all scratched and red. She tells them she fell down the stairs trying to drag her drunk friend to bed. Poor girl couldn't lay down or sit comfortably for weeks.

 

---------- Post added at 07:18 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:17 PM ----------

 

When I was 16 I went to my friends hotel party and there was an older girl there 21-22 years old, the party is dying down so people start going to sleep. I lay on the ground and the chick lays next to me and asks me why I'm so prude, I look at her and we start making out. A few minutes go by and she starts taking my clothes off and I start taking hers off too, next thing we know we are ***** and I'm about to loose my virginity, I try to put it in and I put her leg up and start pumping like a champ. Two or three minutes go by and I *** she looks at me weird and starts laughing, she touches her leg and goes like "you came?"... Yup I didn't even put it in lol I was humping between her vag and leg the whole time.

 

[Wingsfreak9 10+ year member]

When I was 17 I shacked up with a 27 year old. She was a hot little blonde and a squirter, but enough about that.
We were in a 69 on the couch with me on my back. She begins to nut and starts shaking and flexing and so on. She almost collapses, but manages to get up and walk out of the room. I'm laying there, full of myself and decide it's time to get up and reunite with my gal. As I tilt my head slightly upward, something catches my eye. There's something on my chest. It looks like a milk dud. WTF? I roll onto my side and it falls onto the floor. I get a sock and pick it up and examine it. Yep, it was a turd.

ahaha. better than the yo thread already

 

[infamous_e46 5,000+ posts]

when i was younger met this girl about 5 yrs older than me. I wasnt a virgin at the time but pretty new to the game. Long story short she was a little kinky and definatley expanded my knowledge exponentially. Well one night we are walking back from a party and we were making out a little and we stopped at this house. well she goes for broke and hands straight onto my business. Before I know i am being fellated in the front of this yard. All the lights were off so I went screw it and continued. All of a sudden Lights out. I woke up in her parents bed the next day.. I was made aware that she was trying to get back at an old bf which had hit me in the head with a stick she apparently freaked out left me face down ***** in the ex-boyfriends yard. The only reason I got any help was because her parents were good friends with the Ex-bfs parents and were dropping by a bottle of wine. Needless to say that ended pretty soon after that.

 

[carlosg_313 10+ year member]

when i was a freshman in hs, i was over at my gf's house and she told me to wait in her bedroom while she went to get "ready." i thought "zomg time to lose my virginity!" so i started pre-fapping so i at least had a chub to get ready when she comes to feel me up. Whilst doing this, i hear her dad run into the house saying "hey honey! Lets have some fun i had a hard day at work and i want some lovin!" to his wife unknowingly knowing his daughter and i are in the house. My gf's mom must have had a brain fart because both of them run into my gf's room(apparently they have sex in there(idk to spite their daughter? Who knows) to get their sex on and there i was hand down my pants fapping.

So two things happened: 1). I was caught pre-fapping myself to get an erection to sleep with my gf, and 2). My gf found out her parents fvck in her bedroom when she isn't home.

That was basically the relationship right there.

LMAO ROFL //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/laugh.gif.48439b2acf2cfca21620f01e7f77d1e4.gif//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/hilarious.gif.02a037aad04aa96f19982b298a3d70a8.gif

 

[adas Pro Seller]

fawking win.

some of this trickles into a few of my excursions. minus the turds. and hi to the parents with **** out.

 

[slammedincouch 10+ year member]

one time I was shacking up in the basement with this girl and I forgot that the ceiling isn't that high (about 6 feet some odd inches) and I decided to go all Don Juan on her, pick her up, and put her head through a ceiling tile...

i also recall another time being on her couch getting into it and starting to pick her up, but instead i slammed her head into the wall...

...and now thinking back to it one time I was about to splooge and I tried to get up and slammed my head on her bed post thing...

I should probably start wearing helmets when i have sex

 

[Imtjnotu 5,000+ posts]

 

[slammedincouch 10+ year member]

another basement excursion was the time my mom walked in on me trying to pull my pants up...I don't think I'll ever forget that look when i was 15. Hell, I made her forget what she came down to get from the fridge too

Recalling another time I was giving it to this girl i had been with for 3 years and i was so into it and giving it to her so hard that I let this Hugeeeeee rager of a fart rip. I tore *** so hard I scared myself, thought i shit in her bed and tried not to laugh...I'm still unsure if she ever heard me let that rager go or not but I remember finishing like a champ

 

[T.I.K. 10+ year member]

I was watching TV with my girl, and we started making out and it all ended up with me and her doing the deed. Halfway through, Family Guy starts. You have to understand taht FG is literally my favorite show in the world, it makes me laugh so hard. So as we're getting it on, I start laughing uncontrollably at one of the jokes. So it get so bad that I'm just sitting their, **** halfway in her vag, bent over, face in her ****, laughing.

That really ruined the mood.