One of my buddies killed himself last night

[rugdnit 10+ year member]

Not always. Have you ever tried helping and it ended up being more trouble than it was worth? I have.

Flip.... i have also seen that situation.... and i agree with you, but again that is someone that is taking advantage of you or your kindness. sometimes there are sinking ship situations and in that situation there really is nothing you can do. i am just saying that you never know how much an act of kindness can affect somebody. just know when somebody is taking advantage.

 

[Flipx99 5,000+ posts]

Flip.... i have also seen that situation.... and i agree with you, but again that is someone that is taking advantage of you or your kindness. sometimes there are sinking ship situations and in that situation there really is nothing you can do. i am just saying that you never know how much an act of kindness can affect somebody. just know when somebody is taking advantage.

Right...but I am thinking of things like this.

Pretend I saw a co-worker struggling getting various gifts/food items from their car. Pretend I offer to help....and they hand me a cake to take to a place. On the way, I drop the cake. Now I feel responsible from dropping the cake and ruining the party. I feel somewhat obligated to get them a new cake....and they feel like I am a jackass for ruining the party.

So, I think...I can help...with no real reward (except internal happiness) and potential costs...or I can walk away...with no reward and no cost to me.

 

[rugdnit 10+ year member]

Right...but I am thinking of things like this.
Pretend I saw a co-worker struggling getting various gifts/food items from their car. Pretend I offer to help....and they hand me a cake to take to a place. On the way, I drop the cake. Now I feel responsible from dropping the cake and ruining the party. I feel somewhat obligated to get them a new cake....and they feel like I am a jackass for ruining the party.

So, I think...I can help...with no real reward (except internal happiness) and potential costs...or I can walk away...with no reward and no cost to me.

a real friend does not put you in a situation that is going to potentially cost you money. your cake scenario... well if you dont trust yourself enough to get the thing there safely... be a friend and tell him that you may not be the best choice. perhaps the cake gets ruined en route through events that are beyond your control. the party waiting on that cake would only be a bunch of a$$holes if they laid some trip down on you.... and NOT your friends. there is always some type of risk when you put yourself out there to help. no risk... no reward. goes back to choices.... life is full of choices we have to make. all you can do is what you think is best and right... it is important to sleep well at night.

 

[WhoSayWho? 5,000+ posts]

Right...but I am thinking of things like this.
Pretend I saw a co-worker struggling getting various gifts/food items from their car. Pretend I offer to help....and they hand me a cake to take to a place. On the way, I drop the cake. Now I feel responsible from dropping the cake and ruining the party. I feel somewhat obligated to get them a new cake....and they feel like I am a jackass for ruining the party.

So, I think...I can help...with no real reward (except internal happiness) and potential costs...or I can walk away...with no reward and no cost to me.

No good deed goes unpunished.

 

[CRXBMPN 5,000+ posts]

my best friend for the most part went sleepy nite nite on July 5th 2000 and to this day I wish he would have just called me and spilled the beans, i'm now the only "son" that his father has. It must be pretty bad to think that there is noone you can trust to talk to about these things, that you just have to take sleeping pills, shoot yourself, whatever.

 

[WhoSayWho? 5,000+ posts]

my best friend for the most part went sleepy nite nite on July 5th 2000 and to this day I wish he would have just called me and spilled the beans, i'm now the only "son" that his father has. It must be pretty bad to think that there is noone you can trust to talk to about these things, that you just have to take sleeping pills, shoot yourself, whatever.

Tell me about it. My closest confident is Eugenics. I guess I don't have to tell you how that conversation went.

 

[Flipx99 5,000+ posts]

a real friend does not put you in a situation that is going to potentially cost you money. your cake scenario... well if you dont trust yourself enough to get the thing there safely... be a friend and tell him that you may not be the best choice. perhaps the cake gets ruined en route through events that are beyond your control. the party waiting on that cake would only be a bunch of a$$holes if they laid some trip down on you.... and NOT your friends. there is always some type of risk when you put yourself out there to help. no risk... no reward. goes back to choices.... life is full of choices we have to make. all you can do is what you think is best and right... it is important to sleep well at night.

I wasn't talking about friends...I was talking about random acts of kindness to strangers.

 

[Flipx99 5,000+ posts]

No good deed goes unpunished.

Story of my life.

Although, I think helping that couple change a tire didn't negatively impact me at all.

 

[elementxero 10+ year member]

Thanks to that other thread I now know that his odds of dying in a car accident were only slightly lower than his odds of dying by his own hand.

I hate to hear about this ****. Life is so short as it is, you just figure that everyone will find something to get them to the finish line.

 

[rugdnit 10+ year member]

I wasn't talking about friends...I was talking about random acts of kindness to strangers.

well in that case.... no doubt it can bite you in the A$$.

 

[Flipx99 5,000+ posts]

well in that case.... no doubt it can bite you in the A$$.

But not a few posts ago you advocated acts of kindness to strangers. Although we are both members of the forum, in all honesty, I have no idea who you are.

 

[rugdnit 10+ year member]

But not a few posts ago you advocated acts of kindness to strangers. Although we are both members of the forum, in all honesty, I have no idea who you are.

an act of kindness towards someone who is in obvious need ( old couple on the side of the road.. flat tire kinda thing ). i am not going around trying to help people that obviously dont need help. that said... you never know when sharing a smile or lending an ear can change someones life. i agree with alot of your points, but i think you may have taken my words and ran with them. i made a few generalizations and there are always exceptions-- like the sinking ship you mentioned.

 

[bonesninja 5,000+ posts]

Question:
It seems that many feel that the person had a contractual obligation to those around him. I don't really feel the same way. I do not owe it to my family members to live, nor am I obligated. They will suffer not financial distress nor be responsible for an transactions where my lack of performance will cause them distress. I have often heard that suicide is selfish. Is it? I do not feel that it is selfish....Do people I come in contact with owe me anything? Does my mother, brother, father actually owe me anything? Would there be significant difference if the eliminated contact with me through suicide or just perhaps never speaking to me again? I don't really see the difference.

But then again, my family is not close as many others. The family structure is more like four room mates than a family...but that works for us.

leave it to a finance major......j/k

i certainly am not implying that being close to someone makes you obligated to that person in any way. The only obligations anyone have to another are the ones that your moral compass says you do. I personally do feel some obligations to help people i feel need my help. If i could have helped him any more i would have but obviously his pain was so deep that my friendship or impending child or love from his family was not enough counterweight to raise his weight from dipping so low.

I myself suffered through terrible PTSD after i returned home from combat and i can tell u how dark the sunny days really are when your side of the scale dips way down.

My point is that if its in your nature or you feel that u must help...do it. Don't regret not trying to help, whether you produced results or not. Guilt can be a mind consuming whoRe to live with. And like someone else stated, your help might be all someone needs to turn the corner and see something worth living for

 

[savagebee 10+ year member]

I have been depressed for the last 7 years or so. No one gives a **** about that though. Not a single person -- least of all you sorry bastards.

cool, send me some free **** before you tilt over

 

[savagebee 10+ year member]

he was in and out of treatment programs....i just found out from another friend who talked with his elderly mother that he hung himself.

***** man, I deal with suicide often, and its never a pretty thing, nor is it ever warranted by depression, problem is, the depressed people lose sight of their hope

keep strong

 

[IamDeMan 5,000+ posts]

It's very simple. Because people lose hope. Hope is what keeps me going. Hope that one day I'll make a million dollars a day, hope that one day people will think I'm great, hope that one day I will have a family. If life begins to estinguish that hope and there is no longer any light at the tunnel, then suicide becomes a viable option.

Ridiculous thinking right there. Making the best of everything that comes your way is how you stay out of this mess. Hoping, creating high expectations and unrealistic goals leads to disappointment, depression and finally this crap. Be happy for the moments you do have and make the best of them.
I figured you would understand how suicide is "viable".

 

[IamDeMan 5,000+ posts]

I have been depressed for the last 7 years or so. No one gives a **** about that though. Not a single person -- least of all you sorry bastards.

We like you that way.

I lol'ed. See, you are good for something else. Cheap humor at your expense. If only all the nerds and dorks in high school could feel the same thing you do...

werds

Question:
It seems that many feel that the person had a contractual obligation to those around him. I don't really feel the same way. I do not owe it to my family members to live, nor am I obligated. They will suffer not financial distress nor be responsible for an transactions where my lack of performance will cause them distress. I have often heard that suicide is selfish. Is it? I do not feel that it is selfish....Do people I come in contact with owe me anything? Does my mother, brother, father actually owe me anything? Would there be significant difference if the eliminated contact with me through suicide or just perhaps never speaking to me again? I don't really see the difference.

But then again, my family is not close as many others. The family structure is more like four room mates than a family...but that works for us.

DAMMIT FLIP. I have told you before, relationships are not finance. When i said that, I didn't just mean your girlfriend, wife or **** buddy. I meant ANY relationship. Family, Friend, it doesn't matter. Breaking them down like some financial stat breaks down the beauty of them.

 

[WhoSayWho? 5,000+ posts]

DAMMIT FLIP. I have told you before, relationships are not finance. When i said that, I didn't just mean your girlfriend, wife or **** buddy. I meant ANY relationship. Family, Friend, it doesn't matter. Breaking them down like some financial stat breaks down the beauty of them.

Leave Spock alone.

 

[Flipx99 5,000+ posts]

Leave Spock alone.

If I left the forum and never came back...would it really hurt anyone? I don't think so.