well i did some reflecting today. i realized all my friends from high school don't like me anymore. i was always the class clown in high school. the funny one. i always did dumb shit to get people to laugh. i realize these people don't respect me and i was just for amusement. i seem to get more and more depressed every day. i'm always thinking about *******. i just don't have the balls to pull the trigger. i'm to afraid of what will happen to me after i die. i have no ****ing motivation. i mean i have lots of late homework due but i'm on the forums instead of working on it. i have a weight problem but i keep eating even though i'm almost in ****ing tears because i know what i'm doing to myself and can't stop. i can't seem to do shit right. i tried working on my car today but couldn't get it right and gave up. the whole ****ing right side of my car is tore apart. my dad came out and criticized me like every other ****ing person i come into contact with. that's another thing. i'm ****ing 20 years old and live with my parents. everybody i know has went on to get good jobs and i'm still at my shitty *** job. i'm leaving for florida in december to work at disney world. i know it's gonna be a ****ing waste because of my lack of motivation and laziness. my dog died in january and i'm still upset about it. he was only a ****ing dog i shouldn't be this down about 10 months later. ontop of that my other dog is 15 years old and is gonna die anytime now. i keep spending my money on car audio that just sits in my bedroom. i'm almost broke. in my free time now, which is a lot because i try to work as little as possible, i just sit my *** in front of the TV and picture myself as a point gaurd on the detroit pistons. i pretty much just imagine myself like that to distract me from my current self. i haven't had a real girlfriend since high school. even then the ***** just wanted money. my dad keeps telling his friends all these stories of shit he did when he was young. i think to myself, what am i gonna say? i have no stories. i realize that saying shit like this on a forum can lead to flamming but i don't give a ****.
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