I dunno what to do....

[Rmsanger 10+ year member]

my Grandfather just died last month and thankfully I was able to fly there the weekend before he passed on... He has alzheimers (spl) and had suffered internal bleeding from his 10 year old replaced heart valve. He basically was out of it due to his meds and his problems. However, he was able to come through for just about 5 minutes during our visit and told me that he loved me and that I was a good boy..

Regardless, it was one of the most valuable experiences for me and it was worth all fo the money and time off. I would suggest for you to go visit him, espcially if you were close.

 

[MTXman 10+ year member]

You don't know how much it would mean to him for him to see you, just one last time.

Even if he is not all there, he can still appreciate seeing his grandson's face for the last time.

Do it for him, but more importantly do it for you man; if you don't you will regret it.

 

[Eugenics 5,000+ posts]

Its tough, nobody can really tell you whats wrong and whats right. The truth is, that maybe it is better for you to remember him how he was. On the other hand he might really enjoy seeing you. I personally know, that if it was my family, i would not want them to see me in such a state.

Its up to you, there is no right, there is no wrong. Dont listen to anybody else but yourself.

 

[WhoSayWho? 5,000+ posts]

Well its not just for him, but other family members as well. I completely understand how you feel though. Each of my grandparents went through a lingering decline. This was especially true of my maternal grandfather who was in nursing homes for years with absolutely no quality of life. In all honesty, if I had gone to see him once a week it would not have been enough for my grandmother. Nonetheless, I wish I had gone more than I did. This is true even though I hated to see him in that condition.

Trust me, no one else enjoys seeing him detiriorate either. **** it up and go for your family. You will never have a chance to do this over.

 

[Priest 10+ year member]

Only you know what is right for you but remember that it's for him it's not for you. Try and imagine what he is feeling like and going through and if you being there creates some ease even if it's only for a few moments then it worth it. I've burried both friends and family. I've sat by my wifes hospital bed and held her hand waiting for the doctor to tell us what degree her cancer was not knowing if she was going to live or die. Being there for someone when it's easy is just that...being there when it hard is what establishes character.

On the flip side, if he is mentally vacant then maybe it's better for you to protect your memory. Just remember it's about doing what is best for him however difficult that may be.

Good luck and best wishes.

 

[then00b 10+ year member]

As most have said, go visit before he passes. True, it will be tough emotionally. You have said you want to remember him a very positive light and not in the state he is in now, so do it. You can always remember the person he was through those memories. Definately go and support him and your family.

 

[MikeofTulsa Moderator]

trust me, i lost both my parents to cancer, and my grandfather as well, I never got a chance to say goodbye to my grandfather and i regret it something horrible.

 

[luvinthebass 5,000+ posts]

My grandma and my aunt both died of cancer 5 years ago and i got to go see my grandma that day she died on the hospital bed and i broke down crying but never went to see my aunt, i was plannin on it but it was the funeral i went to and that was tough for me and i regret not goin to say goodbye to her. I really wish they'd find a cure for cancer.

 

[CRXican 10+ year member]

you won't regret not going