Faux **** Buddy Needed

[natisfynest 10+ year member]

I need a faux **** buddy. Help me exact my revenge on my loud-***-having-yet-sharing-a-common-wall roommates. I’d kick their *****, but well, I’m small and more importantly I need their rent money. I believe this is how Mahatma Ghandi got started.
Anyway, last night was typical of the past few weeks...was awoken around 1:00 a.m. (I get up at 6) by the sound of what, in my half asleep state, sounded like some sort of bomb about to go off in my closet. Not long after this split second of subliminally injected Code Orange Terror (and I’m politically somewhere left of a bed wetting liberal—thanks G.W.) I realized that some serious primal ****ing was going on. I also realized that the most exciting thing going on in my room was that I finally got a space heater—sweet! But definitely not sexy.

When they were finally finished they turned on their television which happened to be airing a WWII documentary. I never ever thought the sounds of a country being decimated by bombing and heavy artillery shelling would be soothing music to my ears, but at least I did not have to listen to Churchill yelling, “Oh yeah, oh baby, look at you now!" I finally fell asleep somewhere around V-E Day.

So, I need someone, male or female, to come hang out with me in my room and simulate the sound of two people having wild ***. This does not have to be constant, after all I’m aiming for something realistic, so in between our bouts of faux ****ing we can watch a movie, have a beer, do each others nails and warm ourselves by the space heater.

Thanks.

***

me - 5'3", 110 lbs, brown/blue/yellow(ear plugs).

best of craiglist //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/crap.gif.7f4dd41e3e9b23fbd170a1ee6f65cecc.gif

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/52396992.html

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[Terranova 10+ year member]

i smiled

 

[TurdFergueson2 5,000+ posts]

Nice find.

This had win. Your stock is rising. ***** will not have to save this thread.

 

[da box king 10+ year member]

id prolly have to whip my weiner out to make it realistic

 

[05fronty 5,000+ posts]

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/anc/983394945.html

 

[PaulThompson229 10+ year member]

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sba/1003782784.html

 

[05fronty 5,000+ posts]

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/943626343.html

 

[natisfynest 10+ year member]

thanks for the added win smlly and the approval turd

 

[05fronty 5,000+ posts]

thanks for the added win smlly and the approval turd

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[mcsoul 10+ year member]

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/wdc/987443049.html

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Dear Mr Scammer, I am sorryDate: 2009-01-10, 11:48AM EST

Dear Mr. Scammer

I owe you a few apologies:

• I am sorry for responding and saying sure I am happy to engage in a bizarre business deal with you knowing full well it isn’t real.

• I am sorry you wasted time to print a horrible fake check.

• I am sorry you spent $4.90 UPS’ing it to me overnight.

• I am sorry for taking a few days to get back to you after I got the check and ask you for your phone number which you can’t give me. I knew that and still I emailed you for the phone number.

• I am sorry that I lied to you and said I could not find a western union office near me, making you look them up, emailing me a list and me telling you those two liquor stores are shut down.

• I am sorry that I lied to you about getting pissed at the western union office because they wanted $1.75 to cut a check and that I said that’s robbery and left in a huff. The truth is I never went there in the first place. Sorry for wasting your time that day.

• I’m sorry I lied the next day after you threaten to call the FBI and local police on me because I cashed your check and would not pay you. I knew you would not, but I wrote you an email begging you not to call the police and that I would pay you tomorrow after I cashed the check.

• I’m sorry that I lied the next day and said the western union office girl was rude to me so I left in anger, again delaying your money by another day.

• Im sorry I lied about sending the money to western union in your name vs the shipper so you could not pick it up. I realize this cost you a day or so.

• I am really sorry that I lied and said that the money order was at your western union, but off by 1 zip code making you drive 30 minutes to find out I am a liar.

• Your last email to me was justified. Obviously from your language you were pissed. The fact that as you "YELLED” and your grasp of the English language seemed to fade away like my Mom’s when she is livid showed me what a bad person I am.

• Your phone call from Africa? was upsetting because as you were trying to explain to me how to go down to western union and pay the $1.75 and you would pick up the fee, I realized how frustrated you were getting. I also lied about being hard of hearing and asking you to yell. Sorry.

All in all, I am sorry for ******* up your bandwidth. I realize that my actions probably sucked up 6-10 hours of your time and kept you from fleecing some gullible person in America.

Please forgive me. Go ahead and send me another forged check and I will send you my cash to your shipper. Please try me again. Even though I lied you to about 15 times I won’t do it again.

Your friendly computer person.

MHF