rocky 59
5,000+ posts
CarAudio.com Veteran
chuck norris invented the word "bad ***"
Chuck Norris Facts
- Thread starter Mynameismcgyver
- Live activity
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rocky 59
//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/hilarious.gif.02a037aad04aa96f19982b298a3d70a8.gif
ngsm13
5,000+ posts
BSEE
Seen a few, but that site has almost all of them.
NG
NG
Kevokrook77
10+ year member
I Like Teh Boom
That's what I was thinking too.
DBfan187
5,000+ posts
Supa's mom was here!
Christopher Reeve was Chuck Norris's only unsuccessful kill, his horse got in the way of his roundhouse kick.
OP
Mynameismcgyver
10+ year member
Buford T. Justice
- Thread Starter
- #23
There isn't anything funny about chuck. Thats why all these facts that make him look like superman are funny. You just proved the whole point
Slammed
5,000+ posts
Striking Accord
FACTS about Troy Polamalu
-Troy Polamalu's tears can cure cancer. Too bad he has never watched "Transformers: the Movie". (Optimus Prime dies //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/frown.gif.a3531fa0534503350665a1e957861287.gif )
-When Troy Polamalu was born, he already had his long flashy hair. It was so innately thick and manly that it could catch interceptions in itself and in fact had the best "hands" in the nfl. However, the nfl, seeing this as unfair, later required faceguards to be put on all helmets, not to prevent injury, but to prevent Troy from dominating the league and to give QBs a chance to throw.
-It is said that Troy Polamalu sold his soul to the devil for his manly hair and the ability to cover defenders and predict QBs throws. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Troy threw down a double move and freaked out the devil so bad that the devil was crippled, thus allowing Troy to take his soul back. the devil, who appreciates irony, couldnt stay mad and admitted that he should have seen it coming. they now go fishing together every other tuesday.
-Troy Polamalu once ran so fast that he broke the speed of light, causing himself to go back in time and bump into the elite German Luftwaffe, causing the squadran to lose control and crash their planes into the sea...this is how the Battle of Britian was won //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/biggrin.gif.d71a5d36fcbab170f2364c9f2e3946cb.gif.
-Troy Polamalu built a time machine and went back in time to stop both the bombs of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Unfortunatley....what Troy did not know was that he himself was "the bomb".
-Troy Polamalu is not endowed like a whale, whales are endowed like Troy.
-To prove that it isnt a big deal to beat cancer, Troy Polamalu smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years while sitting out in the sun for many days without sunscreen. Only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. beat that, Lance Armstrong.
-Troy Polamalu lost his virginity before his grandfather did.
-Troy Polamalu was the fourth wiseman. he brought baby Jesus the gift of "long hair" Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious favoritism, used their combined influence to have Troy omitted from the Bible.
-The story of Samson is based on Troy Polamalu, only thing is that Troy is smart enough not to be deceived by women.
-The City of Troy was named after Polamalu. It was well defended because of him. Unfortunately, the same day the Wooden Horse was built, he had to go back to the future due to a possible tear in the time/space fabric. The rest is history......
-Seeing how Troy Polamalu provides great defense....the military drafted him. He now stops bullets for the soldiers overseas on his days off.
Thank You DBFAN187 for your inspiration //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/biggrin.gif.d71a5d36fcbab170f2364c9f2e3946cb.gif The words in bold is what I have made up.
-Troy Polamalu's tears can cure cancer. Too bad he has never watched "Transformers: the Movie". (Optimus Prime dies //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/frown.gif.a3531fa0534503350665a1e957861287.gif )
-When Troy Polamalu was born, he already had his long flashy hair. It was so innately thick and manly that it could catch interceptions in itself and in fact had the best "hands" in the nfl. However, the nfl, seeing this as unfair, later required faceguards to be put on all helmets, not to prevent injury, but to prevent Troy from dominating the league and to give QBs a chance to throw.
-It is said that Troy Polamalu sold his soul to the devil for his manly hair and the ability to cover defenders and predict QBs throws. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Troy threw down a double move and freaked out the devil so bad that the devil was crippled, thus allowing Troy to take his soul back. the devil, who appreciates irony, couldnt stay mad and admitted that he should have seen it coming. they now go fishing together every other tuesday.
-Troy Polamalu once ran so fast that he broke the speed of light, causing himself to go back in time and bump into the elite German Luftwaffe, causing the squadran to lose control and crash their planes into the sea...this is how the Battle of Britian was won //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/biggrin.gif.d71a5d36fcbab170f2364c9f2e3946cb.gif.
-Troy Polamalu built a time machine and went back in time to stop both the bombs of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Unfortunatley....what Troy did not know was that he himself was "the bomb".
-Troy Polamalu is not endowed like a whale, whales are endowed like Troy.
-To prove that it isnt a big deal to beat cancer, Troy Polamalu smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years while sitting out in the sun for many days without sunscreen. Only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. beat that, Lance Armstrong.
-Troy Polamalu lost his virginity before his grandfather did.
-Troy Polamalu was the fourth wiseman. he brought baby Jesus the gift of "long hair" Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious favoritism, used their combined influence to have Troy omitted from the Bible.
-The story of Samson is based on Troy Polamalu, only thing is that Troy is smart enough not to be deceived by women.
-The City of Troy was named after Polamalu. It was well defended because of him. Unfortunately, the same day the Wooden Horse was built, he had to go back to the future due to a possible tear in the time/space fabric. The rest is history......
-Seeing how Troy Polamalu provides great defense....the military drafted him. He now stops bullets for the soldiers overseas on his days off.
Thank You DBFAN187 for your inspiration //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/biggrin.gif.d71a5d36fcbab170f2364c9f2e3946cb.gif The words in bold is what I have made up.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The **** was That?"
Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his *** kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink
Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego
The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s *** halfway through the first chapter.
Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way.
Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.
Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends"
It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
Chuck Norris’ sperm is so badass, he had *** with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The **** was That?"
Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his *** kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink
Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego
The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s *** halfway through the first chapter.
Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way.
Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.
Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends"
It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
Chuck Norris’ sperm is so badass, he had *** with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion
Slammed
5,000+ posts
Striking Accord
I got this...
//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/hide.gif.2d479cfd917eedfe201353b91522ceab.gif
LOL...great list man. very creative! //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/wink.gif.608e3ea05f1a9f98611af0861652f8fb.gif
Slammed
5,000+ posts
Striking Accord
If anyone considers this a shameful plug for his books, he will surely receive a mighty roundhouse.
//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/wink.gif.608e3ea05f1a9f98611af0861652f8fb.gif
johnson
10+ year member
CarAudio.com Elite
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
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