Anybody a Veteran of War???

[snb778 5,000+ posts]

is anyone a Veteran of war??? I have a friend who just got back about a week ago... he was involved in some intense battle... just kind of wondering what should be expected, and warning signs if he's NOT doing well......how long I shoud let them go (obviously theres going to be some post-war trauma)

just lookin out for a good friend...

thx

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[Marlo Stanfield 10+ year member]

I'm not, but my best friend/roommate did 2 tours in Iraq as a scout sniper in the Rangers program. He had an extremely difficult time adjusting, sleeping, and dealing with everyday life when he came back. We did alot of talking, not about the fighting but more about his buddies and the everyday life over there. Just be there for him, if he wants to come out and tell you about what might be bothering him he will. Unless he really takes a turn for the worst and gets severely depressed, just let him come out on his own turns about what went on there. I learned as long as u steer clear from actually talking about the fighting, then conversations about being there are ok for the most part. Just be his friend like you were before, don't try to act like a therapist/psychologist/etc like alot of people do.

 

[Vegas WRX 10+ year member]

I leave tonight from Afghanistan, this is my 5th tour in the middle east. Pretty much no two people are a like. What he wants most, is to be treated normal. Not as a hero or as a veteran or as someone different. Please don't ever ask him if he killed anyone or saw people killed. Thats the last question we want to hear.

 

[Marlo Stanfield 10+ year member]

I leave tonight from Afghanistan, this is my 5th tour in the middle east. Pretty much no two people are a like. What he wants most, is to be treated normal. Not as a hero or as a veteran or as someone different. Please don't ever ask him if he killed anyone or saw people killed. Thats the last question we want to hear.

Good luck man and be safe. Thank you for your service.

 

[snb778 5,000+ posts]

my big concern is he shows his emotions when he is drunk (deep emotions), but when he is sober, he hasnt shown them as much (which is normal).. But as a good friend, how long do I let this go before he shows this while he is sober.. I know its not healthy for him. He feels responsible for things that happened out there, and feels like he has to go back

 

[snb778 5,000+ posts]

Nick06TS: "Please don't ever ask him if he killed anyone or saw people killed. Thats the last question we want to hear."

i'm COMPLETELY aware of that. He already showed me pics of blown up body parts layin around a Humvee... I want him to talk about it on his own terms. I understand that, but at the same time.. I know he NEEDS to. I try to tell him he doesnt need to be "tough guy" anymore, and we are here for him, and if I can't personally relate to him, he needs to find someone to talk to regardless. But i can tell ONLY WHEN HE"S DRUNK that it's really impacted him

 

[Marlo Stanfield 10+ year member]

Nick06TS: "Please don't ever ask him if he killed anyone or saw people killed. Thats the last question we want to hear."


i'm COMPLETELY aware of that. He already showed me pics of blown up body parts layin around a Humvee... I want him to talk about it on his own terms. I understand that, but at the same time.. I know he NEEDS to. I try to tell him he doesnt need to be "tough guy" anymore, and we are here for him, and if I can't personally relate to him, he needs to find someone to talk to regardless. But i can tell ONLY WHEN HE"S DRUNK that it's really impacted him

Just listen to what i told you in the PM man, trust me.

 

[Boomintempo 10+ year member]

I'm not, but my best friend/roommate did 2 tours in Iraq as a scout sniper in the Rangers program. He had an extremely difficult time adjusting, sleeping, and dealing with everyday life when he came back. We did alot of talking, not about the fighting but more about his buddies and the everyday life over there. Just be there for him, if he wants to come out and tell you about what might be bothering him he will. Unless he really takes a turn for the worst and gets severely depressed, just let him come out on his own turns about what went on there. I learned as long as u steer clear from actually talking about the fighting, then conversations about being there are ok for the most part. Just be his friend like you were before, don't try to act like a therapist/psychologist/etc like alot of people do.

^^This

I leave tonight from Afghanistan, this is my 5th tour in the middle east. Pretty much no two people are a like. What he wants most, is to be treated normal. Not as a hero or as a veteran or as someone different. Please don't ever ask him if he killed anyone or saw people killed. Thats the last question we want to hear.

^^and this too!!!

Just let him come out as he comes out. If it ever comes to a point where you're afraid for him, make sure you're constantly around him. Everyone handles PTSD differently.

If he's active duty, there are many options for him on his base/post/fort that he's stationed at for help.

However, you as a friend, just be there and listen.

 

[zues 10+ year member]

A lot of good advice in this thread. You mentioned drinking. KEEP AN EYE ON HIS DRINKING. A lot of guys self medicate to hide there feelings. If he is a good friend you will know what is normal drinking for him or if he's trying to run from something. He doesn't need babysitter or a buddy he needs a FRIEND. My wife is on her forth tour.

 

[snb778 5,000+ posts]

thanks for the advice guys

zues, did your wife want to go back, or did she get called back? has she been in battle, or in more of the low key areas?

 

[soldiermedic 10+ year member]

I have been to Iraq 3 times for a total of 3 years. The best thing I can tell you is ask lots of questions (staying away from death subjects), but if there's a point where he seems to be a little quiet or tries to avoid answering directly, let him know that you are really wondering, but don't want to intrude too much. Listening to him is one of the best things you can do.

It's also a little difficult sometimes adapting back to the real world, so don't be surprised if he wants to stay home for a while or avoid crowded places at first. Sitting at home playing video games or watching movies may be the initial thing, so if possible, bring friends over to his or your place to help loosen him up.

Warning signs to look for: Outbursts of anger that seem unprovoked, drinking is a biggie as was said earlier, agressiveness. He may be a little hyperactive (hypervigilance), but just stay cool and calm around him if you see it. Just remind him often that he's home.

 

[Macklessdaddy 10+ year member]

does being on an aircraft carrier in desert storm count: