WTB: Best joke..?
- Thread starter its_bacon12
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Question you ever have to fart on a bur or an airplane or in some public place but you haven’t been farting all that day. You only knew that there was LOTS of it. In a situation like that what you have to do is release a TEST fart. You have to arrange to release Quietly and in a carefully controlled manner about 10%-15% of the of the total fart in order to determine if those around you can handle it. Or if in fact you may be about to precipitate a public health emergency now when releasing a test fart it is often good to engage in an act of subterfuge such as reaching for a magazine. “SAY IS THAT GOLF DIGEST?” well now that doesn’t smell too bad. In fact it’s rather pleasant. I think they ought to enjoy the rest of this baby. And it turns out to be one of those farts that would strip the varnish off a footlocker, the kind of fart that would end a marriage. Suddenly everyone around you heads for the exits even the people on the airplane. As you realize it is time to review your fiber intake. It might not be necessary each morning to eat an entire wicker swing set.
im not racest just jokes.
whats the diffrence between a bucket of shit and a black person......
nothing....
how long does is take for a black woman to take a shit.....
9 months....
//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/crazy.gif.c13912c32de98515d3142759a824dae7.gif
whats the diffrence between a bucket of shit and a black person......
nothing....
how long does is take for a black woman to take a shit.....
9 months....
//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/crazy.gif.c13912c32de98515d3142759a824dae7.gif
a baby seal walks into a club...
what do you call 100,000 battered women?
100,000 women that didn't know when to shut the **** up
what's the difference between elton john and a hunting dog?
a hunting dog sicks ducks
what do you call 100,000 battered women?
100,000 women that didn't know when to shut the **** up
what's the difference between elton john and a hunting dog?
a hunting dog sicks ducks
Q: How can you tell if a girl is a redneck?
A: She can **** a d ick and chew tobacco at the same time,
and know what to spit and what to swallow
What are the three biggest lies?
1. The check is in the mail.
2. I won't *** in your mouth.
3. I'm from the government and
I'm here to help you.
Q: What do a bowling ball and a Blond have in common?
A: Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.
If a bi-****** were to turn up missing.....
Would they put his picture on a carton of Half & Half?
A: She can **** a d ick and chew tobacco at the same time,
and know what to spit and what to swallow
What are the three biggest lies?
1. The check is in the mail.
2. I won't *** in your mouth.
3. I'm from the government and
I'm here to help you.
Q: What do a bowling ball and a Blond have in common?
A: Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.
If a bi-****** were to turn up missing.....
Would they put his picture on a carton of Half & Half?
What do you call a 1000 pound woman
on a bar stool with a new condom?
1/2 ton pickup with good rubber!!!
on a bar stool with a new condom?
1/2 ton pickup with good rubber!!!
A man came home to his girlfriend packing all of his stuff. He asked her where she was going and she replied.."You are a petaphile. I don't want to be with a person who likes little kids..." The man looks at her and screams at the top of his lungs...."Thats a big word for a 9 year old...." I though it was kinda stupid, but my friends got a kick out of it.....
Why do women have legs?
So they dont leave slug trails!
Did you hear about the new Marilyn Monroe stamp?
When you lick it, you feel like one of the Kennedys.
Q: Why does Miss Piggy douche with Honey?
A: Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork
So they dont leave slug trails!
Did you hear about the new Marilyn Monroe stamp?
When you lick it, you feel like one of the Kennedys.
Q: Why does Miss Piggy douche with Honey?
A: Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork
A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to
the doctor. The doctor says, "Okay,
Mrs. Smith, what's the problem?"
The mother says, "It's my daughter Lynda.
She keeps getting these cravings, she's
putting on weight, and is sick most mornings."
The doctor gives Lynda a good examination,
then turns to the mother and says,
"Well, I don't know how to tell you this,
but your Lynda is pregnant -
about 4 months, would be my guess."
The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be,
she has never ever been left alone with a man!
Have you, Lynda?"
Lynda says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!"
The doctor walked over to the window and
just stares out it. About five minutes pass
and finally the mother says,
"Is there something wrong out there doctor?"
The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just
that the last time anything like this happened,
a star appeared in the east and three wise men
came over the hill. I'll be darned if I'm going
to miss it this time!"
the doctor. The doctor says, "Okay,
Mrs. Smith, what's the problem?"
The mother says, "It's my daughter Lynda.
She keeps getting these cravings, she's
putting on weight, and is sick most mornings."
The doctor gives Lynda a good examination,
then turns to the mother and says,
"Well, I don't know how to tell you this,
but your Lynda is pregnant -
about 4 months, would be my guess."
The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be,
she has never ever been left alone with a man!
Have you, Lynda?"
Lynda says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!"
The doctor walked over to the window and
just stares out it. About five minutes pass
and finally the mother says,
"Is there something wrong out there doctor?"
The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just
that the last time anything like this happened,
a star appeared in the east and three wise men
came over the hill. I'll be darned if I'm going
to miss it this time!"
Told all wrong, it gets a better reaction to tell it like this,
"So I was hittin this girl from behind the other night and she turns around and says to me, 'Isn't this a bit precocious?' And I was like 'Precocious? Isnt that a pretty big word for a 9 year old?"
or another variant...
"So I was hittin this guy from behind last night and he turned around and started to lick my balls!? I was like WTF?! I think he mighta been gay or something."
Yeah, they told it to me the way I told it, and I was thinking they left something out/told it wrong.
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The following is an important announcement...
Police warn all clubbers, partygoers, and unsuspecting bar regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. A new date **** drug on the market called "beer" is used by many females to target unsuspecting men.
The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from taps and in large "kegs."
"Beer" is used by female ****** predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have *** with them. Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and then simply ask him home for no strings attached ***. Men are rendered helpless against this approach.
After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform ****** acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking "beer," men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that something bad occurred.
At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage."
Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after "beer" is administered and *** is offered by the predatory female.
Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. However, if you fall victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys.
For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages
The following is an important announcement...
Police warn all clubbers, partygoers, and unsuspecting bar regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. A new date **** drug on the market called "beer" is used by many females to target unsuspecting men.
The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from taps and in large "kegs."
"Beer" is used by female ****** predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have *** with them. Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and then simply ask him home for no strings attached ***. Men are rendered helpless against this approach.
After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform ****** acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking "beer," men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that something bad occurred.
At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage."
Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after "beer" is administered and *** is offered by the predatory female.
Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. However, if you fall victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys.
For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages
there is these 2 guys exploring the canadian wilderness looking for a sasquatch when they come accross a native man
they ask the native "have you seen a sasquatch around here"?
and the native says" a sasquatch hey, well what does it look like"?
and the explorers say" well, its big and hairy and it has a horrid stentch"
and the native says"OH YA, i have seen a sasquatch, infact theres one sitting right over there"
so the native points to a big fat native girl sitting by the camp fire
and the explorers say "NO, NO, where looking for a sasquatch not a squasnatch"
ahahahahahaha
bong!
they ask the native "have you seen a sasquatch around here"?
and the native says" a sasquatch hey, well what does it look like"?
and the explorers say" well, its big and hairy and it has a horrid stentch"
and the native says"OH YA, i have seen a sasquatch, infact theres one sitting right over there"
so the native points to a big fat native girl sitting by the camp fire
and the explorers say "NO, NO, where looking for a sasquatch not a squasnatch"
ahahahahahaha
bong!
How do you say 69 in chineese
TWOCANCHEW!!!!!
TWOCANCHEW!!!!!
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