Prowler573
5,000+ posts
R.I.P. Gossamer!!
I missed this thread yesterday when you started it so I'll be the late contributor...
The starting point you need to begin from (and from your postings I would say you've come to this realization to some degree) is that these substance abuse issues that you've divulged to us are the origin of most, if not all, of the huge problems in your personal life.
So - you've come to the conclusion that there are problems that need to be dealt with immediately. The point of view I don't see you looking at it from, however, is that these problems need to get sorted in one fashion or another to fix you. Not because your wife left, not because you miss the other dog, and strangely enough, not because you have a child on the way.
The underlying problem that can and will (apparently) affect all else in your life is whatever issue(s) that's causing you to resort to the substance abuse as an escape mechanism. You have to get at that root problem and find a solution for it before you can worry about mending any other broken fences that may have gotten torn down along the way. If a person isn't truly content with 'self' then they will never have the ability to be whatever else they want/need to be (a good spouse, a good parent, w/e else may be on the agenda)
Whatever perceived or real issues you have internally have to be cured first, Zach. You have to make whatever changes need to be made so you can be happy with yourself before you'll be able to be happy (or make happy) anybody outside of yourself. I know that sounds terribly trite but it makes it no less valid for doing so.
Don't begin the path to real change motivated only by a desire to get your wife back and/or because you have impending progeny on the way.
It has to be so you can be happy with who you are and what you're about. Only once you're in a place where you're satisfied and content with that can you ever be able to be the spouse/father/friend/whatever that you're wanting to be.
Flakko's observation of putting your faith in God (if you're a believer) is a good thing to keep in mind as well.
Not bashing, dude....everyone has their problems and some are more severe than others. I wish you well on your path to recovery. //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/smile.gif.1ebc41e1811405b213edfc4622c41e27.gif
The starting point you need to begin from (and from your postings I would say you've come to this realization to some degree) is that these substance abuse issues that you've divulged to us are the origin of most, if not all, of the huge problems in your personal life.
So - you've come to the conclusion that there are problems that need to be dealt with immediately. The point of view I don't see you looking at it from, however, is that these problems need to get sorted in one fashion or another to fix you. Not because your wife left, not because you miss the other dog, and strangely enough, not because you have a child on the way.
The underlying problem that can and will (apparently) affect all else in your life is whatever issue(s) that's causing you to resort to the substance abuse as an escape mechanism. You have to get at that root problem and find a solution for it before you can worry about mending any other broken fences that may have gotten torn down along the way. If a person isn't truly content with 'self' then they will never have the ability to be whatever else they want/need to be (a good spouse, a good parent, w/e else may be on the agenda)
Whatever perceived or real issues you have internally have to be cured first, Zach. You have to make whatever changes need to be made so you can be happy with yourself before you'll be able to be happy (or make happy) anybody outside of yourself. I know that sounds terribly trite but it makes it no less valid for doing so.
Don't begin the path to real change motivated only by a desire to get your wife back and/or because you have impending progeny on the way.
It has to be so you can be happy with who you are and what you're about. Only once you're in a place where you're satisfied and content with that can you ever be able to be the spouse/father/friend/whatever that you're wanting to be.
Flakko's observation of putting your faith in God (if you're a believer) is a good thing to keep in mind as well.
Not bashing, dude....everyone has their problems and some are more severe than others. I wish you well on your path to recovery. //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/smile.gif.1ebc41e1811405b213edfc4622c41e27.gif
