the limerick thread

[hoss 5,000+ posts]

all of you i will beat

it will not be a hard feat

but now i am drunk

staring at my junk

i think ill go pound my meat

 

[btdickey99 5,000+ posts]

as Im going to bed

I am getting some head

wake up from sleep

it was my dog on my meat

and shes already been fed

 

[tyler_fitz 10+ year member]

tomorow morning when i wakeand and i have a chance to think

ill come to the top

my smarts will pop

and the win i will take.

there is no rhyme with wake and think

chalk one up for too much to drink

not to mention your double and

your limerick skills are not so grand

in fact i think they stink

it's too **** early for me to write

my sleep last night was pretty light

now i must go off to work

to all the customers i'll be a jerk

then i'll return to make things right

 

[craigzter 10+ year member]

lookey here lets check out fitz

he just scored, aint that the shitz

although his sleep was pretty light

but, this is the heat of the night

now i see some pretty titz

 

[tyler_fitz 10+ year member]

im back from work and on my lunch

i've checked out this thread and i've got a hunch

there's no word from hoss

its surely his loss

my limerick skills are the best of the bunch

 

[SethPhillips 5,000+ posts]

she picked sea shell's by the sea shore

 

[Captain_Ahab 5,000+ posts]

i lol'd @ the posts..

nice ones hoss and tyler

 

[tyler_fitz 10+ year member]

i are teh limerick kang

mad rhymez i can brang

yo rhymes aint shit

you might as well quit

an' after dat u can **** mah thang

 

[bose301s 5,000+ posts]

There once was a man from Nantucket

Whose dick was so long he could **** it.

While wiping his chin,

He said with a grin,

"If my ear were a cunt, I could fuck it."

 

[bose301s 5,000+ posts]

There once was a fellow McSweeny

Who spilled some gin on his weenie

Just to be couth

He added vermouth

Then slipped his girlfriend a martini

There once was a man Robin Hood

Who lived in a Knottingham wood

He learned how to f**k

from old Friar Tuck

And made Marion whenever he could

There once was a fellow O'Doole

Who found little red spots on his tool

His Doctor a cynic

said Get out of me clinic,

And wipe off that lipstick you fool!

A pirate, history relates

Was scuffling with some of his mates

When he slipped on a cutlass

Which rendered him nutless

And practically useless on dates

There once was a woman named Jill

Who swallowed an exploding pill

They found her ******

In North Carolina

And her tits in a tree in Brazil

There once was a plumber from Lee

Who was plumbing his girl by the sea

She said Stop your plumbing,

There's somebody coming!

Said the plumber still plumbing... It's me!

A right twisted wench from Caprees-ed

Orgasmed each time that she sneez-ed

To the druggist she went

And laid down her last cent

Said, "A barrel of snuff, if you pleas-ed."

On the moors Kelly walked in a daze

There she'd bark at the moon and the haze

Still her friends weren't concerned

For by now they had learned

Once a month she would go through this phase.

(author's note to the ladies: "She was a

werewolf. Now is it funny?")

A randy marsupial named Reeves

Spent some time with the *****s 'tween their knees

When they'd asked him for money

He'd say "Listen honey

A koala eats bushes and leaves."

Now down in the valley of Shneel

Lived a woman who loved to reveal

With her curtains well drawn

Standing bare as a fawn

She'd do this really neat trick with an eel

Now this right old man was a sick 'un

He had a dozen hen ripe for the pickin'

He'd chase 'em around

With his trousers pulled down

And he'd say "Whatsa matter, you chicken?"

A new farmer's helper named Kull

Accidentally was milking a bull

The farmer said, "Boy yer dumb,

You done milked the wrong one!"

Said the boy, "But me whole bucket's full."

Twas a crazy old man called O'Keef

Who caused local farmers much grief

To their cows he would run

Cut their legs off for fun

And say "Look, I've invented ground beef!"

There once was a man from Madrass

Whose balls were made out of brass

When he'd bang 'em together

They'd play stormy weather

And lightning would shoot out of his ***

There once was a man from Havana

Screwed a girl on a player piano

At the height of their fever

Her *** hit the lever

And Yes he has no banana...

There once was a man from East Kent

Whose tool was so long that it bent

To save her some trouble

He folded it double

And instead of coming...he went

There once was a man from Bonaire

Who was doing his wife on the stair

When the banister broke

He doubled his stroke

And finished her off in midair

On a knoll a young maiden named Molly

Her innocence lost through young folly

His name was Sing Chum

And too soon he did ***

And all he could say was "I'm solly!"

A bear taking a dump asked a rabbit

"Does shit stick to your fur as a habit?"

"Of course not," said the hare,

"It's really quite rare!"

So the bear wiped his *** with the rabbit.

There was a young tease from Mount Chesser

Who'd smile as the men would assess her

So flirtatious was she

Inviting them home to tea

Then allowing not one to undress her

To his friend, Ned said, rather blue,

"My wife Edith just told me we're through,

For she says I'm too fat."

And his friend told him that,

"You can't have your cake and Edith, too."

There once was a girl named Tristan

Whose beer that she ordered was was pissed in

She said "I don't think,"

As she spit out her drink,

"On the menu that this one was listed."

Said a fool whose mind was quite miniscule

As his ignorance reached a new pinnacle

"I don't believe in astrology

It's my ideology

But I'm a Leo and Leo's are cynical.

I had me a wench from East Broint

Who bade me her skin to anoint

The girl had arthritis

And so I decided

She wouldn't mind one more stiff joint.

 

[tyler_fitz 10+ year member]

http://www.chivalry.com/axel/limericks.html ^^^ you fail

 

[bose301s 5,000+ posts]

http://www.chivalry.com/axel/limericks.html ^^^ you fail

never said they were original.

 

[4runnercrazy 10+ year member]

never said they were original.

lol srsly if he had that much time i would knwo for sure he doesnt know what a ****** looks like