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- Thread starter VOA_NIGHTMARE
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VOA_NIGHTMARE
Idk what has gotten into you... but keep the jokes coming.
SSS 18734
5,000+ posts
Dollar Menu Millionaire
maybe you should post them all in one thread?
OP
VOA_NIGHTMARE
10+ year member
CarAudio.com Veteran
- Thread Starter
- #4
nope done for tonight, maybe a few more in this one but thats it
OP
VOA_NIGHTMARE
10+ year member
CarAudio.com Veteran
- Thread Starter
- #5
The art of farting is practiced by many, perfected by few. Perfecting the art of farting is a somewhat long, difficult but rewarding road to travel down. It is the symphony of foods and body function that causes this reaction we all long to occur. This guide teaches you the methods and mind set used by some of the worlds leading fartology organizations.
1. Your mood will play a major role in farting. Having an "I can't do it!" frame of mind will not accomplish anything. When it comes down to those final moments when its release or hold time, you just have to repeat again and again, "Just let it happen... its ok..."
2. Diet is another heavy influencer. If you're a grazer (or vegetarian as they preferred to be called) you're partly on your way. If you're older and are using shit assistance substances such as prune juice, you too have a good start. The real winners are your average North American men. Statistically Sunday is prime time nation wide for fart releases. Not only fart releases, but the cream of the crop, wake up the neighbours farts. Why is this? Have a look at the diet of a typical American male aged between 20 and 30 watching football on TV... Peanuts, chips, beer, can someone say, fart city? Its about evaluating your diet, removing the foods that don't assist farting, and focusing on the ones that do.
3. Important, yet largely unexplored scientifically is the fart event position and location. These two variables can make or break a fart taking it from a stellar world class event, down to an unmentionable discouragement. Try telling a world class pianist that they must perform standing, or telling a tuba player he must lay down during their performance. Farting is no different, it requires positioning that best maximizes the bodies ability to expel gas. Location of the fart event sets the scene and adds emotions such as amusement (elevator farts), excitement (bus farts) and challenge (church farts). Lets travel forth and delve into the world of position and location...
Leg Lift "Elevator" Position
Standing upright with a slight curve to the back, lift either leg (almost like doing the jig, except with your leg off to the side - never to the front) and allow the fart event to occur. This one is by far the most popular. Ranked best position for elevator farts for its ability to expel farts quickly and accurately between floors. The signature of a leg lifter in an elevator is the smile of glee on their face as they exit, as you unknowingly enter.
Pros: Amusement of only being able to guess how many floors the unknowing new occupants must endure. High buildings that you will most likely not visit again are a bonus.
Cons: After a successful execution of the fart, you leave the elevator and the unknowing others enter, which is fine. However, you realize you are on the wrong floor and must re-enter the same elevator. Truly a bad call.
"Imperial" Throne Position
Just a reminder that your mind associates this position with a lack of bodily control. This one involves sitting, squatting or bending down into a huddled position. Some of the worlds most fermented and catastrophic farts were achieved using this very position. Think of it as a game of leap frog, but without the leaping (or at least voluntarily).
Pros: Incredible leverage, captures the true potential of the fart.
Cons: Similar to when taking a shit, which could confuse mind and cause "dyer" consequences. This one in the car in a new suit on route to a job interview is not recommended.
Wal-Mart Fart Position
There have been so many reports of this position and its success of creating "brown air" that have won it accolades world wide. Shop as you normally would at Wal-Mart. Locate a desired purchase (at least the weight of say, a clothes detergent box) at the bottom shelf in an unoccupied isle. As you are lifting the heavy load in a squatting position, let the magic happen. You will be pleasantly surprised. At first you may point out the similarities to the throne position, but you will be in awe by what the additional weight load achieves. Weight lifters doing squats after a heavy meal know how well weight can affect fartage potency and volume.
Pros: Due to the narrow, almost encapsulating design of the isles, farts can remain lingering for hours after initial production. Many more people can enjoy their shopping due to your efforts versus the leg lift position.
Cons: Eager and usually frantic discount shoppers change isles with a furor only matched by 9am shoppers at a department store boxing day blow out sale. This can result in a by standard surprise attack and the very terrible mission abort consequence.
Power Arching
Lean your hands onto a counter top or table (or if available, hang onto your towel rack) while arching your back. If this is difficult for you to visualize, think back to your last visit to the car repair shop. Similar to the "*** pounding" position you take when getting the quote to have your car's transmission replaced. Power arching is excellent for "customer service" counters at department stores; local Radio Shack stores when reaching over and examining an expensive and ridiculous keychain that has a flashlight, time telling in 12 languages, compass and calculator all in one; a supermarket you do not usually visit.
Pros: The arching of the back allows your power conduit to be fully utilized. Less conspicuous than the Throne Position.
Cons: A warning to people with small houses or apartments: power arching in the small confines of a room in your house has been known to cause carpet, wall and even ceiling damage. Even more so, lasting damage to newly blossoming relationships with girlfriends and not so blossoming marriages.
Farting Guide
All positions and locations have their pros and cons, it is the duty of an aspiring fart master to leverage the situations and environments available to him or her. With a bit of thoughtful planning you can start off the day with some power arching in the library; do a bit of leg lifting at the food court for lunch; and wind up the day with an all out assault on your senses with a satisfying throne position fart in the car on the way home. Remember, its all about position, location and a "can-do" attitude!
1. Your mood will play a major role in farting. Having an "I can't do it!" frame of mind will not accomplish anything. When it comes down to those final moments when its release or hold time, you just have to repeat again and again, "Just let it happen... its ok..."
2. Diet is another heavy influencer. If you're a grazer (or vegetarian as they preferred to be called) you're partly on your way. If you're older and are using shit assistance substances such as prune juice, you too have a good start. The real winners are your average North American men. Statistically Sunday is prime time nation wide for fart releases. Not only fart releases, but the cream of the crop, wake up the neighbours farts. Why is this? Have a look at the diet of a typical American male aged between 20 and 30 watching football on TV... Peanuts, chips, beer, can someone say, fart city? Its about evaluating your diet, removing the foods that don't assist farting, and focusing on the ones that do.
3. Important, yet largely unexplored scientifically is the fart event position and location. These two variables can make or break a fart taking it from a stellar world class event, down to an unmentionable discouragement. Try telling a world class pianist that they must perform standing, or telling a tuba player he must lay down during their performance. Farting is no different, it requires positioning that best maximizes the bodies ability to expel gas. Location of the fart event sets the scene and adds emotions such as amusement (elevator farts), excitement (bus farts) and challenge (church farts). Lets travel forth and delve into the world of position and location...
Leg Lift "Elevator" Position
Standing upright with a slight curve to the back, lift either leg (almost like doing the jig, except with your leg off to the side - never to the front) and allow the fart event to occur. This one is by far the most popular. Ranked best position for elevator farts for its ability to expel farts quickly and accurately between floors. The signature of a leg lifter in an elevator is the smile of glee on their face as they exit, as you unknowingly enter.
Pros: Amusement of only being able to guess how many floors the unknowing new occupants must endure. High buildings that you will most likely not visit again are a bonus.
Cons: After a successful execution of the fart, you leave the elevator and the unknowing others enter, which is fine. However, you realize you are on the wrong floor and must re-enter the same elevator. Truly a bad call.
"Imperial" Throne Position
Just a reminder that your mind associates this position with a lack of bodily control. This one involves sitting, squatting or bending down into a huddled position. Some of the worlds most fermented and catastrophic farts were achieved using this very position. Think of it as a game of leap frog, but without the leaping (or at least voluntarily).
Pros: Incredible leverage, captures the true potential of the fart.
Cons: Similar to when taking a shit, which could confuse mind and cause "dyer" consequences. This one in the car in a new suit on route to a job interview is not recommended.
Wal-Mart Fart Position
There have been so many reports of this position and its success of creating "brown air" that have won it accolades world wide. Shop as you normally would at Wal-Mart. Locate a desired purchase (at least the weight of say, a clothes detergent box) at the bottom shelf in an unoccupied isle. As you are lifting the heavy load in a squatting position, let the magic happen. You will be pleasantly surprised. At first you may point out the similarities to the throne position, but you will be in awe by what the additional weight load achieves. Weight lifters doing squats after a heavy meal know how well weight can affect fartage potency and volume.
Pros: Due to the narrow, almost encapsulating design of the isles, farts can remain lingering for hours after initial production. Many more people can enjoy their shopping due to your efforts versus the leg lift position.
Cons: Eager and usually frantic discount shoppers change isles with a furor only matched by 9am shoppers at a department store boxing day blow out sale. This can result in a by standard surprise attack and the very terrible mission abort consequence.
Power Arching
Lean your hands onto a counter top or table (or if available, hang onto your towel rack) while arching your back. If this is difficult for you to visualize, think back to your last visit to the car repair shop. Similar to the "*** pounding" position you take when getting the quote to have your car's transmission replaced. Power arching is excellent for "customer service" counters at department stores; local Radio Shack stores when reaching over and examining an expensive and ridiculous keychain that has a flashlight, time telling in 12 languages, compass and calculator all in one; a supermarket you do not usually visit.
Pros: The arching of the back allows your power conduit to be fully utilized. Less conspicuous than the Throne Position.
Cons: A warning to people with small houses or apartments: power arching in the small confines of a room in your house has been known to cause carpet, wall and even ceiling damage. Even more so, lasting damage to newly blossoming relationships with girlfriends and not so blossoming marriages.
Farting Guide
All positions and locations have their pros and cons, it is the duty of an aspiring fart master to leverage the situations and environments available to him or her. With a bit of thoughtful planning you can start off the day with some power arching in the library; do a bit of leg lifting at the food court for lunch; and wind up the day with an all out assault on your senses with a satisfying throne position fart in the car on the way home. Remember, its all about position, location and a "can-do" attitude!
OP
VOA_NIGHTMARE
10+ year member
CarAudio.com Veteran
- Thread Starter
- #6
Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
Q. What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't?
A. A navel.
Q. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
A. You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a week later.
Q. Why did god create Adam before he created eve?
A. Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.
Q. What is a lesbian's favorite thing to eat?
A. A Klondike Bar
Q. What did the elephant say to the ***** man?
A. "How do you breath through something so small?"
Q. Why don't women wear watches?
A. There's a clock on the stove!
Q. What doesn't belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.
Q. Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?
A. They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.
Q. What's worse than getting ***** by Jack the Ripper?
A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook.
Q. What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.
Q. What's the difference between a wife and a wheelie bin?
A. You only have to take out a wheelie bin once a week.
Q. What did the two lesbian frogs say to each other?
A. WE DO TASTE LIKE CHICKEN!
Q. What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A. Why are you shaking she's going to eat me.
Q. What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?
A. We'd eat ***** every Thanksgiving.
Q. What's the difference between love and herpes?
A. Love doesn't last forever.
Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having ***?
A. Call her and tell her.
Q. A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report it.
A. The thief was spending less then his wife.
Q. Why do women have small feet?
A. So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Q. Why do men die before their wives?
A. They want to.
Q. How do men sort out their laundry?
A. Filthy, and filthy but wearable.
Q. What's the difference between a man and ET?
A. ET phoned home.
Q. Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon yet?
A. It doesn't need cleaning.
Q. Why is a pap smear called a pap smear?
A. Because women wouldn't do them if they were called **** scrapes.
Q. What's the difference between your paycheck and your ****?
A. You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!
Q. What do you call kids born in *****houses?
A. Brothel sprouts.
Q. What's the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman?
A. A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40 year-old man dreams of dating them.
Q. What's white, smells, and can be found in panties?
A. Clitty litter
Q. I married Miss Right.
A. I just didn't know her first name was "Always."
Q. Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
A. When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
Q. How do you know when your cat's done cleaning himself?
A. He's smoking a cigarette.
Q. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
A. He worked it out with a pencil.
Q. Who's the world's greatest athlete?
A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
Q. What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't?
A. A navel.
Q. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
A. You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a week later.
Q. Why did god create Adam before he created eve?
A. Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.
Q. What is a lesbian's favorite thing to eat?
A. A Klondike Bar
Q. What did the elephant say to the ***** man?
A. "How do you breath through something so small?"
Q. Why don't women wear watches?
A. There's a clock on the stove!
Q. What doesn't belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.
Q. Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?
A. They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.
Q. What's worse than getting ***** by Jack the Ripper?
A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook.
Q. What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.
Q. What's the difference between a wife and a wheelie bin?
A. You only have to take out a wheelie bin once a week.
Q. What did the two lesbian frogs say to each other?
A. WE DO TASTE LIKE CHICKEN!
Q. What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A. Why are you shaking she's going to eat me.
Q. What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?
A. We'd eat ***** every Thanksgiving.
Q. What's the difference between love and herpes?
A. Love doesn't last forever.
Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having ***?
A. Call her and tell her.
Q. A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report it.
A. The thief was spending less then his wife.
Q. Why do women have small feet?
A. So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Q. Why do men die before their wives?
A. They want to.
Q. How do men sort out their laundry?
A. Filthy, and filthy but wearable.
Q. What's the difference between a man and ET?
A. ET phoned home.
Q. Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon yet?
A. It doesn't need cleaning.
Q. Why is a pap smear called a pap smear?
A. Because women wouldn't do them if they were called **** scrapes.
Q. What's the difference between your paycheck and your ****?
A. You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!
Q. What do you call kids born in *****houses?
A. Brothel sprouts.
Q. What's the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman?
A. A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40 year-old man dreams of dating them.
Q. What's white, smells, and can be found in panties?
A. Clitty litter
Q. I married Miss Right.
A. I just didn't know her first name was "Always."
Q. Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
A. When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
Q. How do you know when your cat's done cleaning himself?
A. He's smoking a cigarette.
Q. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
A. He worked it out with a pencil.
Q. Who's the world's greatest athlete?
OP
VOA_NIGHTMARE
10+ year member
CarAudio.com Veteran
- Thread Starter
- #7
Q. What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
A. They can both smell it, but can't eat it.
Q. You know why they say that eating oysters will improve a man's *** life?
A. Because women know if he'll eat one of those, he'll eat anything!
Q. Why does a bride smile when she's walking down the aisle?
A. She knows she's given her last blow job.
Q. Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
A. Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
Q. What is the definition of "making love"?
A. Something a woman does while a guy is ****ing her.
Q. What's the only animal with an ******* in the middle of its back?
A. A police horse.
Q. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?
A. They're hiring.
Q. Did you hear Richard Simmons had plastic surgery to get his love handles removed?
A. Yeah...now he has no ears.
Q. Do you know how to eat a frog?
A. You put one leg over each ear.
Q. How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
A. They are fun to ride but you don't want your friends to find out.
Q. How do you **** a fat chick?
A. Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.
Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.
Q. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog.
A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Q. Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
A. Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.
Q. What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
A. A private tutor.
Q. What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?
A. Homeless.
Q. What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?
A. An elephant with diarrhea.
Q. Why did the Avon lady walk funny?
A. Her lipstick
Q. What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend?
A. Wiped his ***.
Q. What is the smallest hotel in the world?
A. A *****, cause you have to leave the bags outside.
Q. What do a toilet and a woman have in common?
A. Without the hole in the middle they aren't good for shit.
Q. How can you tell a tough lesbian bar?
A. Even the pool table has no balls.
Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
Q. What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
A. Well hung.
Q. What two words will clear out a men's changing room quicker than anything else?
A. Nice dick!
Q. How do you know when a Barbie has her period?
A. All your tic tacks are gone.
A. They can both smell it, but can't eat it.
Q. You know why they say that eating oysters will improve a man's *** life?
A. Because women know if he'll eat one of those, he'll eat anything!
Q. Why does a bride smile when she's walking down the aisle?
A. She knows she's given her last blow job.
Q. Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
A. Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
Q. What is the definition of "making love"?
A. Something a woman does while a guy is ****ing her.
Q. What's the only animal with an ******* in the middle of its back?
A. A police horse.
Q. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?
A. They're hiring.
Q. Did you hear Richard Simmons had plastic surgery to get his love handles removed?
A. Yeah...now he has no ears.
Q. Do you know how to eat a frog?
A. You put one leg over each ear.
Q. How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
A. They are fun to ride but you don't want your friends to find out.
Q. How do you **** a fat chick?
A. Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.
Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.
Q. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog.
A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Q. Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
A. Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.
Q. What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
A. A private tutor.
Q. What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?
A. Homeless.
Q. What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?
A. An elephant with diarrhea.
Q. Why did the Avon lady walk funny?
A. Her lipstick
Q. What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend?
A. Wiped his ***.
Q. What is the smallest hotel in the world?
A. A *****, cause you have to leave the bags outside.
Q. What do a toilet and a woman have in common?
A. Without the hole in the middle they aren't good for shit.
Q. How can you tell a tough lesbian bar?
A. Even the pool table has no balls.
Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
Q. What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
A. Well hung.
Q. What two words will clear out a men's changing room quicker than anything else?
A. Nice dick!
Q. How do you know when a Barbie has her period?
A. All your tic tacks are gone.
OP
VOA_NIGHTMARE
10+ year member
CarAudio.com Veteran
- Thread Starter
- #8
Q. What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?
A. Popeye almost killed him!
Q. How can you tell a head nurse?
A. She's the one with the dirty knees!
Q. What do you call three lesbians in bed together?
A. Ménage é ****.
Q. What do you call hemorrhoids on a ***?
A. Speed bumps.
Q. What is the lightest thing in the world?
A. A penis...even a thought can raise it.
Q. What do gay kids get for Christmas?
A. Erection Sets.
Q. Where do **** park?
A. In the rear.
Q. Difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man fighting with his wife...
A. A man has a chance at winning at the lottery.
Q. What does a female snail say during ***?
A. Faster, faster, faster!
Q. What is the noisiest thing in the world?
A. Two skeletons screwing on a tin roof.
Q. What's red and blue with a long string?
A. A smurfette with her period.
Q. What do you call an adolescent rabbit?
A. A pubic hair.
Q. Define "Egghead:"
A. What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.
Q. How can you tell if you have acne?
A. If the blind can read your face.
Q. Did you know they just discovered a new use for sheep in New Zealand?
A. Wool!
Q. What's a necrophiliac's biggest complaint about ***?
A. They just kinda lay there.
Q. What did the woman say to her swimming instructor?
A. "Will I really drown if you take your finger out?"
Q. Why did the lumber truck stop?
A. To let the lumber ********.
Q. Why did the woman get thrown out of the riding stable?
A. She wanted to mount the horse her way.
Q. Hey, what's sticky, white and falls from the sky?
A. The cumming of the Lord
Q. How did the tugboat get AIDS?
A. It was rear-ended by a ferry.
Q. How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist?
A. A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.
Q. What's the difference between a bandleader and a gynecologist?
A. A bandleader ****s his singers and a gynecologist sucks his fingers.
Q. Do you know what the square root of 69 is?
A. Ate something.
Q. What is the difference between "Oooh!" and "Aaah!"?
A. About three inches.
Q. What do you do in case of fallout?
A. Put it back in and take shorter strokes!
Q. Why do women have two holes so close together?
A. In case you miss.
Q. When does a Cub Scout become a Boy Scout?
A. When he eats his first Brownie
A. Popeye almost killed him!
Q. How can you tell a head nurse?
A. She's the one with the dirty knees!
Q. What do you call three lesbians in bed together?
A. Ménage é ****.
Q. What do you call hemorrhoids on a ***?
A. Speed bumps.
Q. What is the lightest thing in the world?
A. A penis...even a thought can raise it.
Q. What do gay kids get for Christmas?
A. Erection Sets.
Q. Where do **** park?
A. In the rear.
Q. Difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man fighting with his wife...
A. A man has a chance at winning at the lottery.
Q. What does a female snail say during ***?
A. Faster, faster, faster!
Q. What is the noisiest thing in the world?
A. Two skeletons screwing on a tin roof.
Q. What's red and blue with a long string?
A. A smurfette with her period.
Q. What do you call an adolescent rabbit?
A. A pubic hair.
Q. Define "Egghead:"
A. What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.
Q. How can you tell if you have acne?
A. If the blind can read your face.
Q. Did you know they just discovered a new use for sheep in New Zealand?
A. Wool!
Q. What's a necrophiliac's biggest complaint about ***?
A. They just kinda lay there.
Q. What did the woman say to her swimming instructor?
A. "Will I really drown if you take your finger out?"
Q. Why did the lumber truck stop?
A. To let the lumber ********.
Q. Why did the woman get thrown out of the riding stable?
A. She wanted to mount the horse her way.
Q. Hey, what's sticky, white and falls from the sky?
A. The cumming of the Lord
Q. How did the tugboat get AIDS?
A. It was rear-ended by a ferry.
Q. How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist?
A. A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.
Q. What's the difference between a bandleader and a gynecologist?
A. A bandleader ****s his singers and a gynecologist sucks his fingers.
Q. Do you know what the square root of 69 is?
A. Ate something.
Q. What is the difference between "Oooh!" and "Aaah!"?
A. About three inches.
Q. What do you do in case of fallout?
A. Put it back in and take shorter strokes!
Q. Why do women have two holes so close together?
A. In case you miss.
Q. When does a Cub Scout become a Boy Scout?
A. When he eats his first Brownie
OP
VOA_NIGHTMARE
10+ year member
CarAudio.com Veteran
- Thread Starter
- #9
Q. How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had ***?
A. One of his fingers is clean.
Q. Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A. So men can be open minded.
Q. What's the biggest fish in the world?
A. A hore, if you catch one you can eat her for months.
Q. How can you tell if your girlfriend wants you?
A. When you put your hand down her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.
Q. Have you heard about the new 'Mint flavored birth control pill for women that they take immediately before ***?
A. They're called 'Predickamints'
Q. What is the difference between a golf ball and a g-spot?
A. Men will spend two hours searching for a golf ball.
Q. What's the difference between a toad and a horny toad?
A. One goes "ribbit" the other goes "rub it".'
Q. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
A. He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
Q. What's the difference between Mad Cow disease and PMS?
A. Nothing.
Q. How do you confuse a female archaeologist?
A. Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it's from.
Q. Why does the bride always wear white?
A. Well aren't all kitchen appliances that colour?
Q. What's the difference between parsley and *****?
A. Nobody eats parsley.
Q. What's green, slimy and smells like Miss Piggy?
A. Kermit's Finger
Q. What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A. Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
Q. What's the difference between sin and shame?
A. It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.
Q. Why did Raggedy Anne get thrown out of the toy box?
A. Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio's face moaning, "Lie to me!"
Q. Why is air a lot like ***?
A. Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
Q. What did the egg say to the boiling water?
A. "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."
Q. What did the potato chip say to the battery?
A. If you're Eveready, I'm Frito Lay.
Q. What's the best thing about a blow job?
A. Ten minutes of silence!
Q. What's the difference between a lesbian and a Ritz cracker?
A. Ones a snack cracker, and the others a crack snacker!
Q. What's another name for pickled bread?
A. Dill-dough
Q. Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
A. He heard the snow blower coming.
Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A: Lickalotopuss.
Q. What do the spice girls and a pack of M+Ms have in common?
A. There are assorted colors, but they all taste the same.
Q. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horses ***?
A. A Mechanic.
Q. What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A. Pimp.
Q. What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
A. Polaroids.
Q. Why are women are like tires?
A. There's always a spare.
Q. What's brown and sits on a piano bench?
A. Beethoven's First Movement.
Q. What do you call a nun with a *** change operation?
A. A tran-sister.
Q. What did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm?
A. I can't see a thing with all this shit in here!
Q. Why do women wear black underwear?
A. They are mourning for the stiff they buried the night before.
Q. How do you know when a male **** star is at the gas station?
A. Right before the gas stops pumping he pulls out the nozzle and sprays it all over the car.
Q. What is the difference between a hockey game and a High School reunion?
A. At a hockey game you see fast pucks.
Q. What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
A. A salad shooter
Q. What is the difference between a bachelor and a married man?
A. Bachelor comes home, sees what's in the refrigerator, goes to bed. Married man comes home, sees what's in the bed, and goes to the refrigerator.
A. One of his fingers is clean.
Q. Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A. So men can be open minded.
Q. What's the biggest fish in the world?
A. A hore, if you catch one you can eat her for months.
Q. How can you tell if your girlfriend wants you?
A. When you put your hand down her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.
Q. Have you heard about the new 'Mint flavored birth control pill for women that they take immediately before ***?
A. They're called 'Predickamints'
Q. What is the difference between a golf ball and a g-spot?
A. Men will spend two hours searching for a golf ball.
Q. What's the difference between a toad and a horny toad?
A. One goes "ribbit" the other goes "rub it".'
Q. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
A. He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
Q. What's the difference between Mad Cow disease and PMS?
A. Nothing.
Q. How do you confuse a female archaeologist?
A. Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it's from.
Q. Why does the bride always wear white?
A. Well aren't all kitchen appliances that colour?
Q. What's the difference between parsley and *****?
A. Nobody eats parsley.
Q. What's green, slimy and smells like Miss Piggy?
A. Kermit's Finger
Q. What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A. Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
Q. What's the difference between sin and shame?
A. It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.
Q. Why did Raggedy Anne get thrown out of the toy box?
A. Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio's face moaning, "Lie to me!"
Q. Why is air a lot like ***?
A. Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
Q. What did the egg say to the boiling water?
A. "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."
Q. What did the potato chip say to the battery?
A. If you're Eveready, I'm Frito Lay.
Q. What's the best thing about a blow job?
A. Ten minutes of silence!
Q. What's the difference between a lesbian and a Ritz cracker?
A. Ones a snack cracker, and the others a crack snacker!
Q. What's another name for pickled bread?
A. Dill-dough
Q. Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
A. He heard the snow blower coming.
Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A: Lickalotopuss.
Q. What do the spice girls and a pack of M+Ms have in common?
A. There are assorted colors, but they all taste the same.
Q. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horses ***?
A. A Mechanic.
Q. What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A. Pimp.
Q. What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
A. Polaroids.
Q. Why are women are like tires?
A. There's always a spare.
Q. What's brown and sits on a piano bench?
A. Beethoven's First Movement.
Q. What do you call a nun with a *** change operation?
A. A tran-sister.
Q. What did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm?
A. I can't see a thing with all this shit in here!
Q. Why do women wear black underwear?
A. They are mourning for the stiff they buried the night before.
Q. How do you know when a male **** star is at the gas station?
A. Right before the gas stops pumping he pulls out the nozzle and sprays it all over the car.
Q. What is the difference between a hockey game and a High School reunion?
A. At a hockey game you see fast pucks.
Q. What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
A. A salad shooter
Q. What is the difference between a bachelor and a married man?
A. Bachelor comes home, sees what's in the refrigerator, goes to bed. Married man comes home, sees what's in the bed, and goes to the refrigerator.
OP
VOA_NIGHTMARE
10+ year member
CarAudio.com Veteran
- Thread Starter
- #10
Q. Why did the boy fall off the swing?
A. He didn't have any arms.
Q. What's the definition of eternity?
A. The time between when you *** and she leaves.
Q. What's gray, sits at the bed and takes the piss?
A. A kidney dialysis machine.
Q. What do you call a female police officer that shaves her pubic hair?
A. **** Stubble.
Q. Why do only 10% of women go to heaven?
A. Because if they all went, it would be hell.
Q. What goes: "CLICK -is that it? CLICK -is that it? CLICK -is that it?"
A. A blind person with a rubix cube.
Q. Why did God invent yeast infection?
A. So women know what it feels like to live with an annoying ****.
Q. Did you hear about the two gay guys that had an argument in the bar?
A. They went outside to exchange blows.
Q. Why did the gay guy think his lover was cheating on him?
A. He came home shit faced.
Q. What do you get when you cross a rooster with a flea?
A. An itchy ****.
Q. Why is a Laundromat a bad place for a guy to pick up women?
A. Women who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
Q. Why are roach clips called roach clips?
A. Because "pot holder" was already taken.
Q. What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant?
A. The first couple of times you cough, its not your phlegm...
Q. Why do women have arms?
A. Have you any idea how long it would take to LICK a bathroom clean?
Q. Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
A. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
Q. What's the bad news about being a test tube baby?
A. You know for sure that your dad is a wanker.
Q. How are men like noodles?
A. They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
Q. Why don't Canadians have group ***?
A. Too many thank-you letters to write afterwards.
Q. Why are hangovers better than women?
A. Hangovers will go away.
Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.
Q. What's the difference between a 'Spice Girls' video and a **** video?
A. The **** video has better music!
Q. What's the best part of having a homeless girlfriend?
A. You can drop her off where ever you want
A. He didn't have any arms.
Q. What's the definition of eternity?
A. The time between when you *** and she leaves.
Q. What's gray, sits at the bed and takes the piss?
A. A kidney dialysis machine.
Q. What do you call a female police officer that shaves her pubic hair?
A. **** Stubble.
Q. Why do only 10% of women go to heaven?
A. Because if they all went, it would be hell.
Q. What goes: "CLICK -is that it? CLICK -is that it? CLICK -is that it?"
A. A blind person with a rubix cube.
Q. Why did God invent yeast infection?
A. So women know what it feels like to live with an annoying ****.
Q. Did you hear about the two gay guys that had an argument in the bar?
A. They went outside to exchange blows.
Q. Why did the gay guy think his lover was cheating on him?
A. He came home shit faced.
Q. What do you get when you cross a rooster with a flea?
A. An itchy ****.
Q. Why is a Laundromat a bad place for a guy to pick up women?
A. Women who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
Q. Why are roach clips called roach clips?
A. Because "pot holder" was already taken.
Q. What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant?
A. The first couple of times you cough, its not your phlegm...
Q. Why do women have arms?
A. Have you any idea how long it would take to LICK a bathroom clean?
Q. Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
A. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
Q. What's the bad news about being a test tube baby?
A. You know for sure that your dad is a wanker.
Q. How are men like noodles?
A. They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
Q. Why don't Canadians have group ***?
A. Too many thank-you letters to write afterwards.
Q. Why are hangovers better than women?
A. Hangovers will go away.
Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.
Q. What's the difference between a 'Spice Girls' video and a **** video?
A. The **** video has better music!
Q. What's the best part of having a homeless girlfriend?
A. You can drop her off where ever you want
OP
VOA_NIGHTMARE
10+ year member
CarAudio.com Veteran
- Thread Starter
- #11
Q. What do you find in a clean nose?
A. Fingerprints!
Q. Did you hear about the blind circumcicionist?
A. He got the sack.
Q. Did you hear about the gay guy that's on the patch?
A. He's down to four butts a day.
Q. Did you hear about the kid napping?
A. Yeah, he woke up!
Q. Did you hear that the new and politically correct name for "lesbian".
A. It has been changed to "vagitarian".
Q. What's the definition of "Tender Love?"
A. Two gays with haemorrhoids.
Q. Did you hear about the two poofters who went to London?
A. They were REALLY pissed off when they found out Big Ben was a clock.
Q. What does a poof and an ambulance have in common?
A. They both get loaded from the rear and go whoo-whoo!
Q. How can you tell if you are in a gay amusement park?
A. They issue gerbils at the tunnel of love.
Q. Did you know 70% of the gay population were born that way?
A. The other 30% were sucked into it.
Q. Hear about the new gay sitcom?
A. "Leave it, it's Beaver."
Q. Did you hear about the gay rabbit?
A. He found a hare up his ***.
Q. How can you tell if a novel is homosexual?
A. The hero always gets his man in the end.
Q. How can you tell if a Western is homosexual?
A. All the good guys are hung.
Q. Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS?
A. They can't get the laboratory mice to arse ****.
Q. Why did the gay man take two aspirin with his Viagra?
A. So *** wouldn't be such a pain in the arse.
Q. Did you hear about the two gay judges?
A. They tried each other.
Q. What's the biggest crime committed by transvestites?
A. Male fraud.
Q. What's the difference between a hamster and a cow?
A. Cows survive the branding.
Q. What do a nearsighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common?
A. A wet nose.
Q. What do you call a hillbilly who owns sheep and goats.
A. Bisexual.
Q. What's yellow and green and eats nuts?
A. Gonorrhoea.
Q. Have you heard about the new line of Tampax with bells and tinsel?
A. It's for the Christmas period.
Q. How is a ***** like a grapefruit?
A. The best ones squirt when you eat them.
Q. A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in fifth grade. Who has the biggest tits?
A. The blonde, because she's 18.
Q. How do you tell if a chick's too fat to ****?
A. When you pull her pants down and her *** is still in them.
Q. How can you tell she's a macho women?
A. She rolls her own tampons.
Q. Why did god give men penises?
A. So they'd always have at least one way to shut a woman up!
Q. Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients?
A. They hid their own eggs!
Q. What's the hottest thing in the world?
A. Two rats ****ing in a wool sock.
Q. What do your parents' car and testicles have in common?
A. Hit either one of them and you're grounded.
Q. What do you get when you cross a brassiere with Texas?
A. Playtex.
Q. What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
A. Beef strokin' off.
Q. What's female Viagra?
A. Jewellery
Q. What do you call an anorexic **********?
A. Lite & Easy
Q. Why doesn't Smokey the bear have any kids?
A. Because every time his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.
Q. What's the difference between the San Diego Padres and a **********?
A. Nothing, they both ****!
Q. Did you hear about the new Exorcist Movie?
A. They got the Devil to come in to take the Priest out of the child.
Q. How many animals can you get into a pair of tights?
A. 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 ***, 1 *****, thousands of hares and a dead fish no one can ever find.
A. Fingerprints!
Q. Did you hear about the blind circumcicionist?
A. He got the sack.
Q. Did you hear about the gay guy that's on the patch?
A. He's down to four butts a day.
Q. Did you hear about the kid napping?
A. Yeah, he woke up!
Q. Did you hear that the new and politically correct name for "lesbian".
A. It has been changed to "vagitarian".
Q. What's the definition of "Tender Love?"
A. Two gays with haemorrhoids.
Q. Did you hear about the two poofters who went to London?
A. They were REALLY pissed off when they found out Big Ben was a clock.
Q. What does a poof and an ambulance have in common?
A. They both get loaded from the rear and go whoo-whoo!
Q. How can you tell if you are in a gay amusement park?
A. They issue gerbils at the tunnel of love.
Q. Did you know 70% of the gay population were born that way?
A. The other 30% were sucked into it.
Q. Hear about the new gay sitcom?
A. "Leave it, it's Beaver."
Q. Did you hear about the gay rabbit?
A. He found a hare up his ***.
Q. How can you tell if a novel is homosexual?
A. The hero always gets his man in the end.
Q. How can you tell if a Western is homosexual?
A. All the good guys are hung.
Q. Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS?
A. They can't get the laboratory mice to arse ****.
Q. Why did the gay man take two aspirin with his Viagra?
A. So *** wouldn't be such a pain in the arse.
Q. Did you hear about the two gay judges?
A. They tried each other.
Q. What's the biggest crime committed by transvestites?
A. Male fraud.
Q. What's the difference between a hamster and a cow?
A. Cows survive the branding.
Q. What do a nearsighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common?
A. A wet nose.
Q. What do you call a hillbilly who owns sheep and goats.
A. Bisexual.
Q. What's yellow and green and eats nuts?
A. Gonorrhoea.
Q. Have you heard about the new line of Tampax with bells and tinsel?
A. It's for the Christmas period.
Q. How is a ***** like a grapefruit?
A. The best ones squirt when you eat them.
Q. A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in fifth grade. Who has the biggest tits?
A. The blonde, because she's 18.
Q. How do you tell if a chick's too fat to ****?
A. When you pull her pants down and her *** is still in them.
Q. How can you tell she's a macho women?
A. She rolls her own tampons.
Q. Why did god give men penises?
A. So they'd always have at least one way to shut a woman up!
Q. Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients?
A. They hid their own eggs!
Q. What's the hottest thing in the world?
A. Two rats ****ing in a wool sock.
Q. What do your parents' car and testicles have in common?
A. Hit either one of them and you're grounded.
Q. What do you get when you cross a brassiere with Texas?
A. Playtex.
Q. What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
A. Beef strokin' off.
Q. What's female Viagra?
A. Jewellery
Q. What do you call an anorexic **********?
A. Lite & Easy
Q. Why doesn't Smokey the bear have any kids?
A. Because every time his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.
Q. What's the difference between the San Diego Padres and a **********?
A. Nothing, they both ****!
Q. Did you hear about the new Exorcist Movie?
A. They got the Devil to come in to take the Priest out of the child.
Q. How many animals can you get into a pair of tights?
A. 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 ***, 1 *****, thousands of hares and a dead fish no one can ever find.
OP
VOA_NIGHTMARE
10+ year member
CarAudio.com Veteran
- Thread Starter
- #12
Q. What's soft and warm when you go to bed, but hard and stiff when you wake up?
A. Vomit
Q. How can you tell if you eat ***** well?
A. You wake up in the morning with a face like a glazed doughnut and a beard like an unwashed paintbrush.
Q. Did you hear about the male ********** who got leprosy?
A. He did okay until his business fell off.
Q. What's the best thing about marrying a woman with leprosy?
A. She can only give you lip once!
Q. If they bring shrimp home on shrimp boats, fish home on fish boats, and clams home on clam boats, what do they bring crabs home on?
A. The Captains Dinghy!
Q. What does 70 year old ***** taste like?
A. Depends!
Q. What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to use it.
Q. Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q. Why don't men have mid-life crises?
A. They stay stuck in adolescence.
Q. What's the difference between men and government bonds?
A. Bonds mature.
Q. What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he is God's gift?
A. Exchange him.
Q. What did the guy say to his dick after he found that the girl he's getting ready to **** has genital warts?
A. "Hang on, boy! It's gonna be a bumpy ride!"
Q. Why does it take longer to build a blond snowman?
A. Because you have to hollow the head out.
Q. What is the only game in which the more you lose, the more you have to show for it?
A. Strip Poker
Q. What do you call a van with 5 ******s in it?
A. The aids team.
Q. What did the boy vampire say to the girl vampire?
A. See you next period.
Q. What's the hardest thing about a *** change operation?
A. Inserting the anchovies.
Q. What do you do in case of fallout?
A. Put it back in and take shorter strokes.
Q. What do you call a female clown?
A. A Clunt
Q. How did the gay break his leg at the golf course?
A. He fell off the ball washer!
Q. Why do horny women order at Subway?
A. Footlongs
Q. What is the definition of a perfect lover?
A. A man with a nine inch tongue who can breath through his ears.
Q. If your mother and father have a baby and its not your sister or your brother, who is it?
A. It's you, you ****ing idiot!
Q. What's the difference between big foot and your mom?
A. Your mom is better in bed.
Q. What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A. A good lawyer knows the law, but a great lawyer knows the judge.
Q. Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
A. Because she gets a frog in her throat at 69.
Q. What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?
A. A **** that stays up all night.
Q. What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A. A rumor
A. Vomit
Q. How can you tell if you eat ***** well?
A. You wake up in the morning with a face like a glazed doughnut and a beard like an unwashed paintbrush.
Q. Did you hear about the male ********** who got leprosy?
A. He did okay until his business fell off.
Q. What's the best thing about marrying a woman with leprosy?
A. She can only give you lip once!
Q. If they bring shrimp home on shrimp boats, fish home on fish boats, and clams home on clam boats, what do they bring crabs home on?
A. The Captains Dinghy!
Q. What does 70 year old ***** taste like?
A. Depends!
Q. What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to use it.
Q. Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q. Why don't men have mid-life crises?
A. They stay stuck in adolescence.
Q. What's the difference between men and government bonds?
A. Bonds mature.
Q. What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he is God's gift?
A. Exchange him.
Q. What did the guy say to his dick after he found that the girl he's getting ready to **** has genital warts?
A. "Hang on, boy! It's gonna be a bumpy ride!"
Q. Why does it take longer to build a blond snowman?
A. Because you have to hollow the head out.
Q. What is the only game in which the more you lose, the more you have to show for it?
A. Strip Poker
Q. What do you call a van with 5 ******s in it?
A. The aids team.
Q. What did the boy vampire say to the girl vampire?
A. See you next period.
Q. What's the hardest thing about a *** change operation?
A. Inserting the anchovies.
Q. What do you do in case of fallout?
A. Put it back in and take shorter strokes.
Q. What do you call a female clown?
A. A Clunt
Q. How did the gay break his leg at the golf course?
A. He fell off the ball washer!
Q. Why do horny women order at Subway?
A. Footlongs
Q. What is the definition of a perfect lover?
A. A man with a nine inch tongue who can breath through his ears.
Q. If your mother and father have a baby and its not your sister or your brother, who is it?
A. It's you, you ****ing idiot!
Q. What's the difference between big foot and your mom?
A. Your mom is better in bed.
Q. What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A. A good lawyer knows the law, but a great lawyer knows the judge.
Q. Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
A. Because she gets a frog in her throat at 69.
Q. What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?
A. A **** that stays up all night.
Q. What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A. A rumor
OP
VOA_NIGHTMARE
10+ year member
CarAudio.com Veteran
- Thread Starter
- #13
Q. What do you call it when someone farts in a gay bar?
A. A love call.
Q. How do you give a blind queer a thrill?
A. Leave the plunger in the toilet.
Q. How do lesbians handle their liquor?
A. By the ears. (Lick her)
Q. What do tight pants and a cheap motel have in common?
A. No ball room
Q. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
A. The position of the dirt bag.
Q. What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
A. Doughnuts.
Q. What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?
A. 100 people who don't do dick.
Q. What do attorneys use for birth control?
A. Their personalities.
Q. What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
A. 45 lbs.
Q. Why does a dog lick its penis?
A. Because it can't make a fist.
Q. What do you call two lesbians with their period?
A. Finger painting.
Q. How do you teach a blond math?
A. Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, and square root her.
Q. What did the ********* say when he got out of jail?
A. I feel like a kid again!
Q. What's the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before he leaves the factory?
A. Two test tickles
Q. Why did God create alcohol?
A. So ugly people would have a chance to have ***.
Q. What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
A. ****** harassment.
Q. What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
A. $3.99 a minute.
Q. What's the speed limit of ***?
A. 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.
Q. What's the ultimate rejection?
A. When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
Q. Did you hear about the gay truckers?
A. They exchanged loads.
Q. What do you call a gay bar with no bar stools?
A. A fruit stand!
A. A love call.
Q. How do you give a blind queer a thrill?
A. Leave the plunger in the toilet.
Q. How do lesbians handle their liquor?
A. By the ears. (Lick her)
Q. What do tight pants and a cheap motel have in common?
A. No ball room
Q. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
A. The position of the dirt bag.
Q. What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
A. Doughnuts.
Q. What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?
A. 100 people who don't do dick.
Q. What do attorneys use for birth control?
A. Their personalities.
Q. What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
A. 45 lbs.
Q. Why does a dog lick its penis?
A. Because it can't make a fist.
Q. What do you call two lesbians with their period?
A. Finger painting.
Q. How do you teach a blond math?
A. Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, and square root her.
Q. What did the ********* say when he got out of jail?
A. I feel like a kid again!
Q. What's the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before he leaves the factory?
A. Two test tickles
Q. Why did God create alcohol?
A. So ugly people would have a chance to have ***.
Q. What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
A. ****** harassment.
Q. What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
A. $3.99 a minute.
Q. What's the speed limit of ***?
A. 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.
Q. What's the ultimate rejection?
A. When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
Q. Did you hear about the gay truckers?
A. They exchanged loads.
Q. What do you call a gay bar with no bar stools?
A. A fruit stand!
bigwheel15
10+ year member
Ooh Yeah!!
Wow, thats a lot of jokes.
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