My urethra is shooting lightning bolts

[Stoke]

For the last three weeks my left testicle has been sore. When I say sore, I mean it feels like I have constantly been getting kicked in the nuts so I finally decided to go to the doctor to get my naughty bits checked out.

Making the appointment was loads of fun. The phone conversation went something like this:

Doctors Secretary: Can I help you?

Me: I'd like to make an appointment to see the doctor.

Doctors Secretary: What do you need to be seen for?

Me: Umm, well, my testicular region hurts.

Doctors Secretary: What?

Me: My, uhh, nether regions, they are sore.

Doctors Secretary: What?

Me: My balls ****ing hurt.

Doctors Secretary: Oh. We can see you today at 3:40

I arrived at the doctors office, had my weight checked, blood pressure taken, and temperature probed as usual. Strangely, the feeling of being kicked in the nuts does not affect any of those. After a few minutes the doctor came in. I explained the problem, and as expected he donned some latex gloves.

I dropped my pants and he went to work. It's always such a joy having another man fondle your nuts. "Does this hurt?"

"Yes"

"It does?"

"Yes, if I squeezed your nut that hard it would hurt too".

My main concern was testicular cancer since I am in that age group. After the doctor was done feeling my nuts I asked him, "Do you feel any lumps?"

"None that I can appreciate" he responded.

What the **** does that mean? Does that mean he found some lumps but he doesn't really appreciate them? Do they not work hard enough for him or something? Have they not earned his respect? ****, it's a yes or no answer.

The doctor then stated that it was either inflammation or an STD. I explained that I have been in a monogamous relationship with my girlfriend for over a year and totally trust her, so wasn't concerned about the STD. He wanted to be thorough so said, "I suggest we swab the area to be safe".

"Swabbing the area" didn't sound too bad to me so I figured we might as well. He grabbed a super long Q-tip, snatched my dong, and jammed the ****ing thing up my penis hole! Holy mother of ****, that hole is meant for stuff to LEAVE from it, not go into it. Lightning bolts immediately began shooting out of my urethra and have yet to cease. Good god does it hurt.

If a doctor ever utters the word "swab" when your penis is the subject matter, say **** NO unless your dong is dripping green chunky milk.

Click to read more...

 

[bigbangtheory 5,000+ posts]

Ha good write up, although I have read that some where else not too long ago. Where did you pull that from?

Also what is with all the new threads? Bored?

 

[Stoke]

Yeah, I'm really bored...

LWS, btw.

 

[boltpride 10+ year member]

**** i was thinking about goin to the doc to get a "check up" but after that story i rather not. lol. Thanks buddy.

 

[Stoke]

**** i was thinking about goin to the doc to get a "check up" but after that story i rather not. lol. Thanks buddy.

Haha, as long as they don't use "swab" and "penis" in the same sentence, I think you're fine //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/cool.gif.3bcaf8f141236c00f8044d07150e34f7.gif

 

[boltpride 10+ year member]

Haha, as long as they don't use "swab" and "penis" in the same sentence, I think you're fine //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/cool.gif.3bcaf8f141236c00f8044d07150e34f7.gif

lol. ok i dont wanna thread jack but what do they do exactly to get tested? I dont want a **** qtip in my d1ck

 

[whammy]

Sounds painful. Hope your twig and giggleberry's feel better //content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/smile.gif.1ebc41e1811405b213edfc4622c41e27.gif

 

[LaserRed38 10+ year member]

Could be an infection. Last summer I felt a bump on one of them. GF at the time went in with me as I thought it was cancer. He felt the little bump (little pain, when it was touched though, not all the time) and said it wasn't cancer. He said this type of bacterial infection is more common than most people think (I never heard of it before that day) and he gave me some amoxacillin (spelling?). It went away in a couple weeks. Had me pretty shook though.

 

[Stoke]

Could be an infection. Last summer I felt a bump on one of them. GF at the time went in with me as I thought it was cancer. He felt the little bump (little pain, when it was touched though, not all the time) and said it wasn't cancer. He said this type of bacterial infection is more common than most people think (I never heard of it before that day) and he gave me some amoxacillin (spelling?). It went away in a couple weeks. Had me pretty shook though.

I'm assuming you didn't get the swab of horror?

 

[bigbangtheory 5,000+ posts]

Shit, you think getting your pecker swabbed was painful! Try getting one of your nutz cut off and be a true one hit wonder.

Not that I am saying I am a one hit wonder, just saying...........

 

[bigbangtheory 5,000+ posts]

Actually the shit didn't hurt at all.

As if I knew I mean.

 

[Stoke]

Haha, yeah okay....

 

[bigbangtheory 5,000+ posts]

What are you trying to say?

 

[Stoke]

Oh nothing.....//content.invisioncic.com/y282845/emoticons/cool.gif.3bcaf8f141236c00f8044d07150e34f7.gif

 

[xplicitACTS 10+ year member]

that shit was funny either way, I was honestly laughing with tears in my eyes at the part about appreciatted findings.