I just read this and...well, talk about synchronicity! It is indeed true. My buddy actually knows this guy.
READ IT YOU LAZY FVCKS! No cliffs; it's entertaining:
This story ladies and gentlemen, is why you should not use Myspace to "hook up" or whatever it is you crazy kids call it these days.
So, as any good/twisted hook up story should start, I met this girl on Myspace. It was one of those, "Hey your cute lets see if they will add me," deals. First mistake on my part (Let's count all my mistakes, this will be fun!). She was the one to send the request though.
So I accepted, decided I was bored and I would talk to her and at the time I was single so I figured what the hell, I could use a girl! So I added her, started sending messages back and forth etc. and finally folded and gave her my phone number so we could text through out the day. Second mistake!
So looking through her pictures, she had the typical Myspace angles, and I could not decipher if she was in fact attractive, or if it were those dreaded Myspace angles ninja'ing my mind. So I asked for a full body picture from her, and of course it was from far away and she was to the side and sucked it up. I consoled my good friend Eric on this matter, and he was doubtful, but me being the desperate teenage boy I was, I said **** it and went along with it. Third mistake.
So we text pretty much all day every day, because this girl had no life or something. I would be at work and the moment I sent a message I had another in my inbox, holy fast texter Batman! Now, because she was a woman, she constantly nagged "When are we going to hang out? I want to see you!!" so after hearing this the umpteenth time, I decided to go ahead and meet this girl. Fourth and biggest mistake of them all.
Of course because I lived in Rio Rancho at the time, she lived in Albuquerque. And I mean way down in Albuquerque, like Constitution. So it took me a good 30 minutes or so driving down there. As I'm driving down there I'm assuming what happened was she was showing her mom my Myspace page, since we haven't met I'm sure her mom wanted to make sure I was legit and not some 40 year old ****** or something. Seems normal right? Well the next sequence of events is far from it.
As I'm driving my happy *** downtown in my pimp-mobile Cadillac, she sends me a text and asks me what my dad's name is. Now as odd of a question that is, it for some reason did not trip any alarms in my mind. Fifth mistake. Finally something in my head pops and I ask her why? She responds with a "Oh no reason, just curious,". Well my question is, WHO THE **** GETS CURIOUS ABOUT THAT FOR NO REASON?
She keeps insisting that it is no big deal and that it's weird so she'd rather not tell me. Telling me it was weird was a mistake on her part, because if it's weird, I think I need to know what it is. She tells me she will explain when I get there. I guess me being worried what it is could be considered my sixth mistake.
So I get to here house and call her to let her know I was there. She asks me to come inside to meet her mom, which again seems logical to me because she'd like to know who her daughter is going on a date with. So without hesitation I agree, go up to the door give her a hug and step in to meet her mother. The mother sees me and just has a look of sheer awe on her face which is another signal I miss. Were up to seven now. I say nice to meet you, shake her hand and all I get back is a very weak "Hello,". This weirds me out a little but I shake it off and decide to start the date.
One thing I have not mentioned yet is that if the Myspace angles have you confused and you have doubts, RUN AWAY!! FAR, FAR AWAY! My god this girl was big, I mean I'm a pretty big fellow myself but holy shit this was bad, she was not proportioned well at all.
Getting back to the story we jump in the car start driving and I ask her what the whole dad thing was about it. "Don't worry, it's not a big deal,". All I can think is "Your **** right it is *****, if your going to ask an off the wall question, I want a reason". She keeps insisting it's too weird to talk about and to just let it go. At this point I'm really freaked out because I have no idea what is going on. Finally I get it out of her and she starts "Well my mom thinks..." she hesitates, "well she thinks that she may have been married to your dad when she was 18,".
Suddenly the smell of burning rubber and a loud screeching noise arises. I slam on my brakes and stare at her in utter disbelief. "Your ****ing joking right?" "No, not really, but it's not that weird we can still go on the date!!!".
So at this point I start to think that this girl could very easily be my sister and I begin to vomit in my mouth a little. "I don't know about going on this date anymore," "No seriously there is no possible way we are related!! This was like 20 years ago!!". I'm sorry but thats just too close for comfort for me. We haven't even confirmed that this scenario is correct, but I'm still grossed out and there is no way I can sit through an entire movie with this girl. I tell her this and she slouches down in her seat and says "Fine, just ****ing take me home then,".
Despite the disturbing thoughts this scenario presents, I can't help but laugh harder than I have ever laughed before, while she is still in the car. We get back to her house and I pull up in her driveway and look at her and try to say between tears and laughter "I'm sorry," to which she responds "Ya, whatever," and slams my car door and runs inside.
As I drive off, I think about what had just happened. I thought to myself, no one can ever know of this!
Shorty thereafter I realize I was heading south on I-25. For those of you who don't know the ABQ area, Rio Rancho is North. I must have somehow been laughing to hard to realize that I had taken a wrong turn. Great!
So after I get home and scrub myself until I started to bleed a little, I decided I had to share this story with all, as to avoid as bad of a date that I had.
And I repeat again Ladies and Gents, do not meet potential hook ups on Myspace. Chances are it will end badly!
Edit: My sister is on this lovely site we call Myspace and saw this blog and decided to talk to my Dad's wife about it, and she confirms that he had another wife before my mom, which was indeed the young ladies mother. **** you karma.
