Neither side should use the word. It is not "Okay" if one says it to another of the same ethnic background. I tell one of the guys at my station all the time, that if he doesn't like other races calling him a word, then he shouldn't use it when he's talking to one of his buddies.
This is a trait that I find common in marriages, it is okay for one side to do it, but not for the other.
If you don't like it being used by others, then you shouldn't use it yourselves.