hmmm thats funny, only ******* use the eliptical, wait, that makes sense.
If you're speaking strictly of cardio I'd go to your local gym and jump in a pickup basketball game or start tennis up with a buddy, easily the best ways to lose weight while having fun.
Still, its a fact that lifting weights burns more calories then running on treadmills (or if your a ******, doing the eliptical). Although your pec does not allow you to do whatever you want to do (once again, you sound like a ****** whining), you should try to lift weights other then bench (and other chest exercises). I'd hop on the machines and workout legs/biceps/triceps/core that way it is isolating.
But back to the topic, swimming/tennis/basketball is the way to go. Either that or just accept the fact you'll be fat and be happy about it!
Adios from your FRIEND!